Post # 1
So I’m addressing my invitations, and I found out that technically, you should address a married couple with the same last name as Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.
Is it just me who thinks “eff that noise!” ? I’m changing my last name, because I’m traditional enough in that way, I want us to be a clear unit, and I’m not a fan of hyphens. So I’m happy to be Mrs. Jane Smith, and we can be Mr. and Mrs. Smith, or Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Jane Smith, but Mr. and Mrs. John Smith? Hell naw. We’re becoming a unit, but I am not becoming HIM. I love him, and he’s a big part of my identity, but not all or most of it. This isn’t 1950.
I’m addressing all my invitations with both first names, even if it’s a little extra work. If I ever receive something that says Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, I won’t make a big deal about it, but I won’t be pleased.
Feminist rant over.
Post # 2
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
I’m taking my FI’s name, but I will never be a Mrs.
I am a MS. all the way. I am Ms. Jane Smith (if you will). Period.
Post # 3
I wouldn’t care if I was Mrs. Alex Lastname, but I’m not addressing invitations that way
Post # 4
prahajess: +1 Exactly.
I took my husband’s last name and was excited to do so, but I hate being addressed as Mrs. His full name. I still get to be my own person even with his last name. When I addressed my invitations I said screw it to etiquette and made sure that every couple had both first names written out, ie. Ms. Jane and Mr. John Smith. I didn’t care if it was technically wrong, but I wanted both parties fully recognized.
Post # 5
I’m addressing them Mr. & Mrs. John Smith. I don’t see any problem with it and I would be totally happy being Mrs. John Smith!
Post # 6
Doesn’t bother me either way.
Post # 7
I didn’t address mine as Mr. & Mrs. John Smith because I know enough Jane Smiths/Jane Their-Original-Last-Names that would be offended. I’m not Mrs. My-Husband’s-Full-Name, I’m me. It strikes me too much as a ‘the wife is entirely defined by her husband’ for my taste. It might have been the appropriate thing to do 50 years ago, but now I actually think it would be the inappropriate thing to do.
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
Audrey2_sings: I don’t see how it’s “technically wrong” to address envelopes to both people. It’s just “traditional” to do it the other way.
Life moves on, and so does etiquette. At least it SHOULD, since the whole point of it is to be polite and make people around you feel comfortable. If someone who knew better addressed mail to me at Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, I’d consider that person HIGHLY rude.
Post # 9
Agree! And some etiquette stuff is just so stuffy. DH’s cousin, only a few months older than us, threw a fit that I addressed their invite “Mary and Peter” not “Peter and Mary” … (Names obviously anonymised). It was nice to see MIL stick up for me and say they were being pretentious. Hah!
Post # 10
ladyamalthea: I hear you. When I did my invites, I only addressed the older couples in that “traditional manner” as many of those couples were devout Catholic and rather old school. All invitees around our age, I did Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith only if I was sure that the woman changed her name. Otherwise, I just used both full names. My friends who got married are their own identities – not just an extension of their husbands. :/
Post # 11
I addressed mine as “John and Jane Smith” to avoid that same issue! It wasn’t a particularly formal wedding. If I’d really wanted to include titles I would have done it as “Mr John and Ms Jane Smith” (with variations).
It’s not just an issue with younger generations. My mother is 63, and fairly conservative by most metrics, and yet she DESPISES “Mrs Fathersname Lastname”. She’d never tell anyone off, or refuse to attend someone’s event, or anything like that, but it does bother her when she’s addressed that way.
The way I see it, she has a right to feel that it’s demeaning. That doesn’t mean it’s demeaning or inappropriate for every woman out there, but she has a right to feel that way for herself. And there are enough women that *DO* feel that way, that it seems to me that addressing invitations that way by default is a bit risky.
Post # 12
goingtotherooftopoflove: “Agree! And some etiquette stuff is just so stuffy. DH’s cousin, only a few months older than us, threw a fit that I addressed their invite “Mary and Peter” not “Peter and Mary” … (Names obviously anonymised). It was nice to see MIL stick up for me and say they were being pretentious. Hah!”
I think she’s also just plain wrong – I’ve always been told that in all cases where you *aren’t* doing “mr & mrs” that the lady’s name goes first. Not that I think it matters either way.
Post # 13
ladyamalthea: I agree, that’s kinda old school. When I’ve mailed stuff to my parents I always write: Bob and Betty Jones. Or The Jones’. Now, my mom on the other hand, would do the old timey way when she sent stuff to me (when I was married before). Aaiiee.
Post # 14
I personally don’t care, but that’s just me.
Post # 15
ladyamalthea: I agree…its very old and outdated. I dont really like it.
Reminds me of these days: http://larrytemple.wordpress.com/2008/05/01/actual-1955-good-housekeeping-article/
And you would never hear mr and mrs Jane smith would you?? Lol