Post # 1
So I’m working on my place cards and my FI and I are having a disagreement.
If someone keeps their maiden name after they are married, are they now
I’ve heard it both ways, but instead of arguing, I figure I’d ask the experts!
Post # 3
I wouldn’t say that I’m an expert, so someone else might correct me, but I’ve always assumed that it was Ms. MaidenName. At least I know my mom never changed her name and that’s what she always went by.
Post # 4
I think it should be Mrs. since they are married. Ms. is for people who are divorced or widowed.
Post # 5
Yeah, that’s the argument we’re having. I think Mrs. = married and he thinks Mrs = HisLastNameOnly.
He of course pulls up a bunch of sites that state Ms. MaidenName, and I can find the same number of sites that say Mrs. MaidenName
Thanks for the insights!
Post # 6
This link explains the origins of this Miss. Ms. Mrs. concept. I think using either is appropriate and should go with a woman’s beliefs.
Post # 7
Ms. is not just for people who are divorced or widowed. It is the proper title for a woman whose marital status is unknown, and you would also address all women like this in the professional world.
Social rules tend to be a bit different, and somewhat antiquated IMO. I found this on a website:
Married couples should be addressed as Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. Should the wife have retained her maiden name after marriage or if she uses a hyphenated last name the address should read Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. John Doe or Ms. Jane Smith-Doe and Mr. John Doe
Post # 8
Personally, I will remain a Ms. after marriage. I really, really hate Miss and Mrs. I shouldn’t attempt to speak for all women who keep their maiden names, but most of us have feminist reasons for keeping maiden names, so Ms. also fits with that general preference. So, with the caveat that I’m sure plenty of people don’t feel the same, I would go with Ms.
Post # 9
I use Ms. with my maiden name. Mrs. is my mom, because she took my dad’s last name.
Amy Vanderbilt (sorry, I’m an etiquette guide junkie) says “Ms. is the correct title for a mareried woman who keeps her maiden name.” She then goes on to explain that, being married, one cannot use the title Miss, but by keeping her married name, a woman cannot use the title Mrs.
I don’t know about the absoluteness of Amy’s pronouncements there, but I will offer that part of the reason I kept my maiden name was to avoid having a title that indicates my marital status, something men do not have. After my wedding, when people kept coming up to me saying “Good morning, Mrs. HUSBANDNAME,” I said, “Actually, it’s Ms. Maidenname. But yes, it’s a beautiful morning!”
Post # 10
I’d go with Ms. I feel like a woman who keeps her maiden name probably wouldn’t mind either one and might even prefer Ms. because it is less traditional.
Post # 11
As someone deciding on keeping her maiden name – I’ve read that the correct way you’d be addressed after marriage is: Mrs. MaidenName. You could also do Mr. and Mrs. HisMarriedName and be fine.
Post # 12
@oracle, I respectfully disagree on the using “Mr. and Mrs. HisMarriedName.” I think it’s okay if people do it when they don’t know otherwise, but if one already knows that the woman kept her maiden name, her decision should be honored.
Post # 13
Ok, what’s the chance that the guests will notice and be really bothered by it?
Post # 14
As others have pointed out, it just depends. Two of my coworkers kept their maiden names. The one lady goes by Ms. I assumed that the other lady also went by Ms… but when I got her RSVP back, she was Mrs. Maiden name and Mr. Husband name.
Post # 15
Technically it’s supposed to be Ms. but I think it’s one of those things where preference is changing social conventions and you would probably be safe either way.
Personally, I took his name but I’m MS. HisLastName. Oddly enough, this is harder for him to swallow than if I had kept my name! (?!?)
Post # 16
In my real life, I teach kids about the proper grammer of titles. Mrs. Lastname is traditionally the husband’s last name. So if Miss Bliss marries Mr. Charming… She will take the name Mrs. Charming upon marriage in the traditional format. Mrs. Bliss is her mother’s name. Mrs. Charming is her MIL’s name… the name change signifies that she has left the house of her parents to establish a new house/family with that of her husband. She takes the title Mrs. along with the name. Within the community that she has grown up in… she will always be thought of as Miss Bliss who married Mr. Charming… (Thus, your mother and grandmothers are still described by both their married name and their maiden name even in their obituaries, actually even in their children’s obits…) The maiden name will always be theirs… if not legally then by tradition. If Miss Bliss chooses to keep her maiden name… she will no longer be a Miss, but it really wouldn’t be proper form to call her Mrs…. after all she did not marry her father or brothers… that title belongs to their wives…. Calling her Mrs. Bliss is truly calling the bride by her mother’s name! Therefore it makes more sense to call her Ms. Bliss because she has choosen an untraditional name format.