Post # 1
Im incredibly shocked/suprised/lost for words. Totallyyyyyy unexpected even though we were trying to be careful. Im kind of happy but very confused at this point if I want to keep the baby due to the following reasons:
1- we JUST got married. June 24th 2012.
2- My husband lost his job and is collecting unemployement.
3- we live with my in laws. My husband helps his mother with the rent/mortgage, and if he moves out, he will feel as if hes betraying his mother because she would lose the house.
4- My Mother-In-Law will feel dissapointed that were having a baby so soon in our relationship and how we are not financially settled.
The reasons mentioned are making us consider abortion even though before my pregnancy I was anti abortion. I dont want any saddness, this is good news of course so I want those who fnd out to not discuss the hardships we will face if we do choose to keep him/her.
I just dont know what to do. 🙁 Im looking for some valuable advice 🙁
Post # 3
I’m so sorry you have to make this choice. The real question you have to ask yourself is if you and your husband have room in your life for another person. I mean this financially but even more so emotionally.
Children cost money but plenty of people get by with less. Are you guys in a place right now where you could bring a child into this world and properly meet their non-financial needs?
I wish this were easier 🙁 While I’m pro-choice, I always knew I would keep a baby if I ended up with one, regardless of finances. Is there a reason you felt that way before you were pregnant?
Post # 4
Your decision should not be based on your MIL’s opinions! The choice you have to make should be based on whether or not you are financially and emotionally able to care for a child. Period.
Post # 6
@Mrsgurzakovic: I agree that Mother-In-Law should have nothing to do with it. If you feel happy, maybe this is the right thing in your life, even if it comes at a difficult and unexpected time. Talk with your husband and make the decision together about what is right for the two of you… no one else. Hugs and good vibes to you!
Post # 7
@Mrsgurzakovic: Congratulations to you both for your unexpected bundle of joy! Sit hubby down and work out a plan if possible for the upcoming baby. If you’re eligible for financial assistance, sign up for it. If you’re nervous about MIL’s reaction, just learn to expect the unexpected. She could end up being happy for you two. If she’s less than thrilled, and you’re going to keep your baby, then explain to her that while it was unexpected, you’re both happy and going to do what it takes to raise a happy healthy child. *Hugs*
Post # 8
I once worked with a girl who faced the same decision as you. Years later they tried and she never was able to conceive Biggest regret in her life. Something to think about.
Post # 9
You are MARRIED. And have been married for more than 5 minutes. Whether or not you have a baby has nothing to do with your Mother-In-Law.
And I’m going to be the harsh one and say that while it’s lovely your husband helps – especially while he’s unemployed – if she can’t afford the house on her own, maybe she shouldn’t keep it… of course I don’t know the circumstances, though.
If it was me, I’d be keeping the baby.
Post # 10
Try to avoid thinking about abortion. Adoption or keeping the baby would be fine. You say you JUST got married but in no way is this a honeymoon baby. You’ve been married nearly a year. Don’t take your MIL’s feelings into consideration as justification for an abortion. You would regret that your whole life. Make your OWN decisions. My parents were on food stamps living in low income housing when they had me. And they wouldn’t have traded it for the world.
Post # 11
You could find a family to adopt the child.
Post # 12
I’m not sure what to tell you, but I tend to be overcautious and it does sound like it REALLY isn’t a good time for you guys to have a baby right now. I wouldn’t worry about what you Mother-In-Law thinks, but if you guys are essentially paying her mortgage and your husband lost his job, I can’t imagine how you would afford a baby on top of that. It’s gonna take some real work to make it work. Not saying it’s impossible, but you should start crunching numbers now.
Now you mention that you husband doesn’t want to “abandon” his mother…so when would he be okay with you moving out? Or does he just want to live there indefinitely? Would you be paying less to move out since you are currently supporting your MIL?
No one here can tell you what to do. I know for me, while I absolutely would have gotten an abortion if I got pregnant during college or pretty much until we were married, now that we are married I would not. It just doesn’t sit right with me. BUT my situation is different, because while it may not be ideal financially for us to have a baby now (we are trying to build up a safety net, save for downpayment on house, retirement funds, etc) we do make enough money to we could support a baby pretty comfortably, and we live in our own place, both are employed, etc. If those were not the case I would strongly consider aborting, just because babies are a lot of work and couple that with the stress financial trouble can be and I just wouldn’t want to go through that so early in our marriage.
Post # 13
I think that if you are feeling happy about this, that might be a clue to what you should do. I also agree that your Mother-In-Law should not factor into your decision at all. Also, you are married and have been for awhile, so your relationship is stable.
I think there is never a perfect time to have a baby, and it is expensive for a lot of people. But you are in a healthy relationship with a roof over your heads, and that is more than a lot of people who have babies have. I agree with a PP who also mentioned that down the road it may not come easily to you when you feel like you are more ready. I am by no means an expert on abortion, but I do remember hearing that there can be complications that affect fertility.
Post # 14
This is ultimately your decision, and no body elses on this board or your Mother-In-Law.
But I think you can do it 🙂
I’m still in college, but I come from a small town where most of the girls stay home and have babies. So a large percentage of girls I know, who are probably younger than you, are single moms and doing just fine.
Granted, I dont know all of their exact situations, but none of them are ideal. However, the one thing they all have in common is how much they love their kids, and wouldn’t change anything for the world.
I’m personally pro-choice, but I think that an abortion at this stage, when you are already married, will just cause regret and emotional scars later in life. There will always be what-ifs.
Living with your Mother-In-Law could also be seen in a positive light… free babysitting? 🙂
Trying to lighten the mood~
Post # 15
Thank you ladies! You have all been such great help. I talked to my husband today and we are leaning more towards keeping our baby rather then aborting. However, were going to think for a few more days before tellin anyone for the ultimate desicion. I do think that finance is a HUGE factor but who doesnt have struggles..? Whether its financially or emotionally, no ones perfect.. and life keeps throwing curve balls at us no matter how perfctly planned things are. I dont have insurance and I dont know about my husbands insurance anymore so I called up the two hospitals in staten island to discuss maternity programs/payment plans they have to offer mothers in need of assistance. I just hope Its somethng we can afford.
Need lots of prayers bees!
Post # 16
talk it through thoroughly with your husband, as this is a decision best left to the both of you. you have cultural and family dynamics involved and nobody here knows all of the details or has the right answer for you. discuss how a baby will affect your relationship with your husband, his relationship with his mother, and your plans to work out the finances. while babies can bring people a lot of happiness, they can also place a lot of strain on relationships (children and finances are 2 of the biggest causes for divorce in the US). good luck with everything and i wish you the best in whatever you decide!