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Just go along with them. These people want to do something to celebrate your new baby, let them. It's fine.
Just go along with it! They want to celebrate your new baby in what should be (and I hope is) a very happy time!
If you truely don't need anything else, you can return the gifts after the shower and use the store credit for diapers/wipes, new outfits as s/he outgrows what you currently have, etc.
IMO, there is no need to put a damper on these people's happiness for you.
Let them celebrate! The point of a baby shower is not so much to give you things, it is for everyone to show you how happy they are for you.
It's nice of people to want to do this for you and it's nice of you to go along with it. Perhaps you could donate gifts that you don't need to a women's shelter/children's home? Or, when people ask what to to get you, suggest they make a donation to a charity you support instead? Often hospitals have a "suggested gifts" list for children with terminal or severe diseases who have extended hospital stays so perhaps that would be something you'd be interested in looking into.
I totally understand how you feel, but I think there is no polite way to get out of this one. People love babies and want to buy baby clothes. If you deny them this opportunity, they are going to be pissed and feel snubbed.
I agree. See if they will do it as a charity fundraiser, instead. If not, then see if they will wait until the baby is here. That way some of the focus will be on the baby. If none of those work out, then I'd just grin and bear it.
I'd let them throw them for me but like a PP said - donate some items to charity or see if they would be willing to include that when they invite people.
Some people will want to buy stuff for YOUR use so they may not love the idea of just bringing stuff for charity - if that's the case and they still want to throw you a shower - you can always donate most of it to charity, they'll never know, but they'll still get to pick out the gift they want.
I would talk to whoever is planning them and tell them you are thankful for the shower. Tell them you have everything you need but maybe they can plan a themed shower for practical things. Like a diaper shower... you're going to need those in all different sizes. Did you already buy all the diapers you need? Or the theme could be laundry detergent, cleaning supplies... I'm just trying to think of things you'll need besides baby clothes that they can still enjoy getting together and celebrating!
Just go along with them. If people ask about gifts, tell them they're unnecessary and if they really want to bring you something, diapers or other practical gifts would be great.
i think you should just go along with it also. let people have their fun celebrating you for a little bit. if you really don't need anything, i echo PPs who recommended asking for practical things only (diaper, wipes) or things for you. you could also choose a local charity related to children's health and welfare and let the hostess know to include in the invite that since you already have a slew of supplies to please use the money they would spend on a gift to donate to the charity. i've never been to a shower that did this, but keep seeing it suggested lately so it must be working for someone :p
WOW that is so wonderful they want to plan those for you. I had to plan my own baby shower no one offered to throw it for me. (my first and only child) I would be so happy if someone had done it for me. I say go with it. They care about you a lot.
Ask them to bring a favorite children's book. I.E. stock baby's library. I've seen this and it's quite fun.
@kayakgirl73: I like that idea! How fun!
Thank you all for your replys. As always, you guys think outside the box and it is greatly appreciated. I really like the charity ideas- I will see if that is a possiblity- or I will just quietly donate the gifts myself later. And I will keep my fingers crossed to receive lots of diapers- cause you can never have too many of those!
yep, my sister's church does a "dipes & wipes" sprinkle for 2nd time moms...if you have any interest in cloth diapers, that would be a good focus, too, then you can donate them to charity (US or ethopian orphanages for example)
@eeniebeans: I'm going against the trend here - I'm the same as you in that i HATE being the centre of attention, and i absolutely HATE receiving gifts, having to open them in front of people, etc. My bestie is just like me (us?), and she told me in no uncertain terms that she didn't want a bridal shower or bachelorette party, and that if people wanted to give her a gift I was to give them a link to a charity and they should make donations in her name. I plan on doing the same thing. All this to say - if you make it clear to the people close to you that you don't want this, they should respect your wishes. I mean, if you hated roller coasters but it made people happy to see you on them, do you think they'd force you into it? I see this as the same thing. if it makes you uncomfortable, don't do it!
incessant celebrating kind of gets my back up, sorry to anyone i've offended!
If this is the first child for your husband, I think you should let your in-laws throw you the traditional shower. They want to celebrate their new addition to the family, and I'm sure your MIL (baby's grandma) will want to buy clothes for her grandchild.
Another option might be to ask for a stock-the-freezer party. Guests can bring meals your family can use in the first few weeks.
Also-- If it's not already planned and on the calendar, maybe tell the host that you would rather have a "Welcome Baby" party or a baptism/christening party after baby is born. That way, baby is still celebrated, no one feels obligated to bring (or for you, open) gifts, and you can deflect attention to the baby instead of you. The downside would be leaving the house with a young baby and all that entails.
@ScarletBegonia: Yeah I am kind of with you. The point of a shower is that people want to help celebrate - and well, if you don't want that, then what is the point? If the intent is this is about YOU, not them, then why do you need to do this because it makes them happy? I have a good friend who is like you and when we asked if she could throw her a baby shower she graciously and clearly said no. Am I bummed? sure. Does it matter? no! it s HER baby! anyways, what she did was to tell us if we wanted to celebrate she would much prefer small, intimate dinners/brunches with her friends over a big party. done.
Anyways, I say spread the word that you are so appreciative, but don't want a shower. Then think if there is an alternative that would make you happy :)
I'm going to ruffle a few feathers here.
Isn't the shower for the mother-to-be? If she doesn't want it - why on earth would you have it? She has plainly stated it makes her uncomfortable. Why would you force someone to be uncomfortable for a few hours for your pleasure? Seems pretty selfish to me.
I would tell the people throwing the shower that though it is a very kind and generous gesture it would make me uncomfortable and perhaps brainstorm some alternative. People who care about you would not/should not knowingly and intentionally make you uncomfortable.
You might not be able to get out of them. If you don't here are two suggestions.
1. Diaper shower
2. A sip and See shower- They do these after the baby is born and it is very low-key mostly so everyone can see the baby. No gifts please, on the invites. If people bring you something so be it. My mom attended one of these for a 2nd baby and she loved it because so many times you never get to see the baby until they are already up and walking or talking! LOL
You could always register for items you'll need when the baby is a little older - 6 mo and beyond - that you haven't purchased yet. If you can't get out of the shower, that or a diaper shower would def be the way to go!
@Janna19: yep, and thank you for adding the point about more intimate dinners/brunches, because thats exactly what I prefer as well..not sure if the OP agrees, but to me having one on one conversations with 3-4 people that I'm the closest to is MUCH easier than having the same conversation over and over again with a dozen or more people that I may not know all that well (work people, family friends, etc). My friend that i mentionned in my first post ended up coming over to my house for her "bachelorette" with one other bridesmaid, and we make muffins and watched movies. Thats exactly what she wanted and she made us thank you notes afterwords for respecting her wishes and not throwing a surprise bachelorette.
@2ndtime: Totally agree! Everyone on the bee is always saying things like "its your wedding, do what you want!!!" well in this case..."its you having the baby, do what you want"!!
Ha ha- it is nice to have a little anonymous internet support :)
I am in the same boat about wedding showers, and have decided to give in and let them throw them. I tried to decline with my FI's family, and I could see by the look of FMIL's face that she was crushed about the thought of cancelling it.
Let them celebrate this baby! I think it's great that so many people want to do this for you, your husband and the baby!
How about a themed shower? I love the book themed showers- everyone brings a book for your child. That way you know the guests are not spending too much money and if you get any duplicate books you can exchange or donate to a charity.
You could also make the theme diapers/wipes as suggested already above.
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So for background, this is my second child- 8 years after my first daughter. My husband and I make good salaries and can provide what we need for our children. I hate being the center of attention. I am not registering anywhere at all for this baby. Ok, with that out of the way...
I have heard from various reliable sources that TWO separate baby showers are being planned for me (one by co-workers, one from in-laws). And while I appreciate the thoughtfulness and generosity of these people, it makes me highly uncomfortable. I was raised in the "only the first baby gets a shower" camp. Not that I begrudge people who have showers for subsequent babies, but maybe its just how things are done in my family!
Plus, I really don't need anything else. I have learned from having my first daughter what I really need and what I didn't use, and have planned and bought accordingly. I just feel bad about these people spending money and time on things I will not use. One co-worker told me I was making people's lives difficult by not registering (because it is all about the gift-giver, right?)
I don't want to sound ungrateful- but I'm sure I am coming across that way. So far I have said nothing to either camp in regard to either shower (which are supposed to be surprises)- I think it would come across as very rude and would hurt feelings- especially with my in-laws.
So do I just go along and let them throw these parties for me, or is there a polite way to decline?