Post # 1
Sorry guys, I need to vent a little here! My fiance and I are getting married this summer, June 2010. We have been engaged and planning since this past April. Around the same time, my fiance’s brother also got engaged and they are getting married about a month after us and my fiance is a groomsmen and most of my family is invited to their wedding. Then, this past May or June my stepbrother also got engaged. It is his second wedding, but his fiance’s first. Our parents have been married 20 years and so we are a very close (step)family. Everyone kept asking when they were palnning on getting married, but both seemed incredibly indifferent about the wedding, so we assumed it would be a long engagment. To be safe, myself, my father, and my stepmom asked them not to set their date the same as our wedding (duh!) or the same as future BIL’s wedding. Apparently this past month they decided they wanted to get married this summer and without consulting anyone (including my parent’s who are contributing financially) they set their date the same as my future BIL’s. When I told them they said that they had forgotten and that you can’t please everyone. They said there wasn’t much left for a venue or dates this summer and they don’t want to get married in the fall. They said that I could call venues for them and if I found something open they would change their date.
Sorry, that was long! Needless to say my whole family is furious. I have been working my butt off planning my own wedding, I certainly don’t want to start planning theirs. Should I just leave things as is and attend fiance’s brothers wedding, or should I try to talk to my stepbrother again?
Post # 3
It doesn’t sound like they really care about anyone else, but themselves. I would just leave it alone and attend your fiance’s brother’s wedding.
Post # 4
I am with noritake22 on this- they sound self-centered and selfish. There has got to be another date open between May and September. What they should have done was consider a Friday wedding or a Sunday wedding if Every Single Venue in the Whole Surrounding 50 miles of where they want to get married was truly fully booked for Saturday. Seriously folks! How rude! I wouldn’t help them (since they apparently can’t help themselves nor listen to simple requests) and I’d not attend their wedding unless they change it to another date (and not your date either!!). But, I get all bitchy like that.
Post # 5
I agree – they’re the ones being assy. I would say, sorry, I have a prior commitment which you were made aware of from the get-go. And if they get pissy, thow their own words back at them – “sorry you can’t please everyone.” and leave it at that.
I wouldn’t lend a hand unless you find yourself with a lot of spare time. They should’ve brooched that subject before setting a date. could it be that they did this in order to “guilt” you into helping them plan their wedding?
Post # 6
I would maybe let your stepbro know that you will be attending your FBIL’s wedding, as that was set first. And that you won’t be planning their wedding, thank youverymuch ;P
But really – your step-brother has no obligation to change his date because of your future-BIL. He has no relationship with him, aside from your connection with that family.
I mean, how would you feel being told to change your date because of your step-bro’s sister in law was getting married that day? Random.
Maybe it’s just a time to be thankful that your brother has found a woman he loves and is getting married? That’s exciting news.
Post # 7
I’m somewhat with Tenille on this one.
Step back, and imagine if your brother or his fiance were typing up a post here. It would probably describe the somewhat distant way this other couple is related to them, and their struggle to find a suitable wedding date. Just because it seemed to you that the date was no big deal, does not mean that they didn’t have some idea of what they wanted.
No, it is not your job to “plan” their wedding for them. But, given the situation as it is, you will either have to miss their wedding or your FBIL’s wedding, and clearly your family will be missing your FBIL’s wedding. So if you want to prevent it, you may have to do something. While it understanably seems annoying to you, I would guess that they didn’t make the suggestion just because they were looking for a way to snag a free wedding planner to hunt down a venue for them. They likely were just as annoyed with you as you are with them, and responded with the expected “if you think you can do a better job, go ahead.” Frankly, if you actually call around, you may find that they were telling the truth – that it is very hard to find an open venue on a different week during that time of year.
Given that your whole family seems to be involved in this, I would instead suggest that they all, as opposed to just you, start calling around and trying to find an acceptable alternative. Instead of encouraging a family rift, encourage the family to come together to work this out. Reagrdless of how it turns out, I would personally choose to not fall out with a brother, step or otherwise, over this.
Post # 8
very very inconsiderate!! how could they have FORGOTTEN a close relative’s wedding date??
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
This is such a tough call…On the one hand, yes, you can’t tell your step-brother when to get married but on the other hand, these are two very important occasions that you probably want to be at! Plus, you mentioned that a lot of your family will be invited to your fiance’s brother’s wedding…Sucky situation! I think it was kind of inconsiderate of your step-bro to not consult immediate family before choosing a date (especially if said family is contributing financially to the wedding)…Personally, I would want to be at both weddings bad enough that it would be worth it to me to try and help them find another venue for a different date…
Post # 10
I would go to your FBIL’s wedding. You let your family and your step brother know in advance that your hubby was in his bro’s wedding and you would be attending. You agreed to that first so that is where you should go. I also wouldn’t call around for venues for their wedding, that is work they can do themselves…you aren’t their wedding coordinator and you have your own wedding to plan.
Post # 11
Thanks everyone for the input. I guess I am just frustated that they don’t seem to care at all about anything pertaining to the wedding, but are stuck on that date. I asked her about their venue, what it was like, she said she didn’t even know where it was. My stepmom offered to take her dress shopping, she said she didn’t really care about the dress and even suggested borrowing mine. Besides booking the hall, there is no plan for food, attire, dj, flowers, aven colors. I started calling vendors cack in April/May and then a lot were already booked, so I guess I really don’t understand why they are pushing to get married on that day. If I do talk to hm it may cause an issue between us, but if I don’t the rest of my family will be mad at him and angry about their wedding. I think I will probably leave it up to my stepmom to discuss with him because she is the one who is paying and also the one that he should have consulted first.
Post # 12
Hmmm. Well, I can’t say I’d want to plan my wedding around a brother’s sister or brother in law’s wedding, despite how close we all are.
It’s too far removed for me to really care that much when theirs is to the point that I’d move mine. Especially if it WAS down to slim-pickings for venues.
Their comment about “well if you find us one we’ll switch it” tells me that they are being inconsiderate and not caring though. They sound inconsiderate.
It does sound like something the stepmom will have to handle. There’s not a lot you can do as you are kind of removed from the sitaution I guess
Post # 13
I’m sorry but if I knew my family was all going to be attending someone else’s wedding on a particular day then OF COURSE I would not schedule a wedding on that day! That is just ridiculous! I’m sorry MissGaby. I’d probably stick with your original plans and tell your step bro that is too bad for him, he had notice of your plans for that date and chose it anyway!
Post # 14
Thanks for all the help guys. My stepmom kind of layed down the law and basically said that if they wanted their money for the wedding that they would have to change the date. My stepbrother was not happy and made some comment that they will just go away to get married, but I think he has settled down now and as far as I know the date will be changed. Thanks for the advice!