(Closed) Mum is not happy about Catholic wedding :(

posted 5 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
7794 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@sunshinewish15:  That is so sad. I’m a Christian with my daughters getting near marrying age. And in the unlikely event that they choose to switch to Catholicism, I’d still be happy for them. All I can say is give it time. Your mother’s reaction is terrible. Is your father in the picture to talk to, perhaps he can calm her down.

Post # 5
Member
7794 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@sunshinewish15:  Have you considered going (with your fiance) to your parents’ Salvation Army church every couple of weeks? Or are they all anti-Catholic like your mum? Does your dad attend that church?

Post # 6
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Is it possible that you mum has some more deep-rooted issues with the Catholic church? Being disappointed that you’ve “changed” religions (though I really don’t know the difference between the different branches of Christianity) is one thing. Saying she would rather you had never been born is another thing entirely!

My mum hates the Catholic church, but that’s because she was raised Catholic (fairly emotionally and sexually repressive household), and went to school at a convent where she suffered some pretty horrific abuse at the hands of the nuns there. There are a lot of other things she hates about the church, but most of it stems from such terrible experiences with the church as a child

Post # 7
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Why don’t you give your momma taste of her own medicine. She is asking you to go to her church against your will, she should do the same thing for you, because that is the Christian way and that’s what JWD. Anyways we know that will not happen, since she us not paying for the wedding, she doesn’t have a say, if she refuses to come to the ceremony tell her politely, well we will see you at the reception then, don’t make it a big deal with her so she will finally realizes how immature she is. Good luck to you. 

Post # 9
Member
7794 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@sunshinewish15:  “My mum really just goes to church to be social and for the music,”

Given her incredibly negative feelings on catholicism, I doubt this is the case. I think it stems from what teaching she has received. I know a lot of old Protestant teaching was that Catholicism was evil, or at least very misguided. Most Protestant churches have moved on from this but perhaps your mother’s is one which hasn’t. Do you know if the whole church, or at least its leadership, shares this attitude?

Post # 11
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think your moms church is just an outlet for her, nothing to do with her spirit or beliefs, it’s just an outlet for her to have fun, company, and activity.

Post # 12
Member
7794 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@sunshinewish15:  Well that’s strange then, to be simulataneously very “liberal”, and so intolerant of your choices. I guess i just go back to my original suggestions of giving it time and talking to your dad.

Post # 13
Member
8 posts
Newbee

That is so sad !

Post # 14
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@sunshinewish15:  I’m sorry you’re mother is doing this.  She is behaving very unreasonably.  If she doesn’t attend your wedding, it may be for the best.  Do you want her making a scene there?  I would encourage you to plan the wedding but to be comfortable with the idea of her not coming.

In regards to you’re living situations, one option would be to find a place the both of you will move into after you marry.  You can move in before him.  If you’re going to move into his place once you’re married, I would set up an appointment with the priest for spiritual direction.   The issue would be that you are trying to live a virtueous life by not living together before marriage, but your mother is being verbally abusive to you (I mean telling you she wished she’d never had you is verbal abuse) and that you don’t know what to do to get away from it without moving in with your fiance’. 

Post # 15
Member
7992 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

It sounds like your Mum is not religious at all, and is actually quite opposed to religion in general, but tolerates her own church because she sees it as more of a glorified social club. To be honest, she sounds more like an evangelical atheist to me than someone who doesn’t like Catholicism.

Sadly (for you), you can’t force people to come to your ceremony. Also, it’s really better that someone not come than that they sit there the whole time and sulk, because misery is contagious. I have a similar issue with some of my guests.

You should look at it this way: do you need your Mum’s support to practise your faith? If the answer is no (it’s certainly no for me, because faith is personal), then does it matter if she only attends your reception? As far as I’m concerned, the religious ceremony is between FI, myself, and God. Everyone else (aside from the priest and legally required two witnesses) is purely optional!

Post # 16
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m in the same situation.  I’m getting confirmed next Saturday during Easter Vigil.  My mom was okay with the church wedding but is not happy about my confirmation.  From the time I was 8, I was brought up in various Protestant churches (including the Salvation Army).  However, I never felt at ease at any church.  It got to a point I was agnostic for years before slowly going back to the Catholic church.  I never knew the exact reason why my parents pulled us out of the Church when we were kids but they’re very anti-Catholic.  I wish she was supportive.  After all, I’m not a child anymore.

All I can say is stay strong.  I’m sure she’ll come around.  And if not, it’s her lost!

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