Post # 1
I told my parents last night that I am getting baptised as a Catholic on the 14th of September. Dad was happy for me… mum looked like she would have preferred me dead. My mum is a very modern Christian who does not really like traditional churches, worship, etc. I told her in May this year that I would get baptised this year and she didn’t speak to me for 3 weeks.
I currently live at home while I’m finishing the last 2 months of my degree, but right now home is unbearable. Dad is no longer coming to my baptism because mum has been nasty to him and threatening to leave. I’m not upset or mad at him, but I am really hurt that my mum has gone that far to hurt my dad.
I really don’t know what to do about this. My partner and I are getting married next year, and although we can afford the wedding ourselves, my mum and dad were going to pay for the reception, which I heard mum say to dad that she will not contribute to a Catholic’s wedding.
As usual I keep being polite, saying good morning and trying to make conversation, and she gets up and leaves. She’s constantly slamming doors and giving me disgusting looks. I want to leave, but my dad begged me to stay a while longer in case if she calms down. I’m so anxious and hate it here, I feel like I’m being discriminated against just because my religion is different. She is taking everything so personally and won’t even let me calmly talk to her about it, she just gets up and leaves or rings my nanna to b*tch about me.
Post # 3
@sunshinewish15: Sounds to me like she’s not very “Christian.” Sorry to hear about the lack of support.
Post # 4
@sunshinewish15: wow, he reaction is scary. Sounds like she has some serious prejudices to hold this over your head.
Is she perhaps jealous? That you didn’t follow ‘her’ path… or that you found yourself closer to God than she was able to?? Just too strange to not be supportive of someone on a religious path.
Post # 5
@sunshinewish15: A lot of people take their faith very personally so she is probably extremely upset that you have chosen a different religion than her. She probably feels like you are rejecting her, not just her religion.
I think you need to just accept that that is her opinion. i would talk to her and let her know that you understand how important her faith is to her and that you feel the same way about your faith. Mention that you respect her choice in faith and that you hope she can respect that you need to make your own choice. That she doesn;t have to understand your choice but that you hope she can respect it. I would also talk about how having a relationship with her is important to you and that you hope despite your difference in faith that that can continue.
I would also budget for paying for your own wedding entirely and not even mention your parents paying.
I hope you and your mother can sort out this difference. Good luck.
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2014 - Disney
I was raised by non practicing catholics so I am going through something similair. I’m converting to Latter Days Saints. My mother understands my father is a little weird about it.
Post # 7
your mom is not a very good christian.
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@sunshinewish15: If she’s super modern then she should be modern enough to accept your choice to be baptised into the Christian sect of your choice. Getting baptised is not going to hurt anyone so definitely go through with it. Your mom will just have to learn to live with it and most likely she will, it will take some time, but she will.
Post # 9
@sunshinewish15: When I got baptised (Protestant), my parents attended. But looking back, I don’t know if it was that important. Baptism was between me and God, and the church community I had joined. So if your parents don’t want to attend, that’s their business.
Your mother’s attitude around home though is hurtful and unfair. All you can do is tough it out.
It may also help to talk to your dad about how he can make it easier for you. While he needs to support his wife, he also needs to support you, his daughter. There is a time to go against your spouse, if your spouse is being hateful and unreasonable. (I don’t mean he should attend the baptism, I mean being nice around the house).
Post # 10
@sunshinewish15: Agreed with PPs – not very Christian of her at all! Usually “modern” Christians dislike traditional churches because they view them as intolerant and judgemental. If that’s her issue with them, what a hypocrite!
I am just sorry you have to go through this. You are following your beliefs and convictions, and that is nothing you should be given grief for. Best of luck honey, and I’ll be praying that God will soften her heart!
Post # 11
…I can’t believe a “Christian” would treat her own daughter this way. I think it’s wrong of her. I’m sorry you are going through this. It’s one thing for her to be upset that you are choosing a path that differs from hers, but she is acting out on it, influencing your father, and threatening to not contribute to the rehearsal dinner. Stick with your beliefs and hopefully things will work out between the two of you.
Post # 12
Also, being a Catholic is not being a totally different religion- yes there are fundamental disagreements in the theology, but the whole Jesus died and rose again thing is the same..Maybe you should talk to her about it from that angle.
Post # 13
- Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI
I’m sorry your having to go through this right now. My mother went through a similar issue with her own mother years ago. It was just the opposite in some ways as my mother left the catholic church to become protestant. My grandmother told her she would burn in hell and prayed for my mother to come back to the church. Eventually my grandmother got over it enough to still always be a part of our lives, though she was always closer to my catholic aunts/uncles/cousins.
That inital period of time when my mother left the church was the worst but eventually they got past it. I really hope you’re able to as well someday. It can be difficult. I have also talked with a close friend of the family who’s son converted to Judaism. She felt hurt as well, from the mothers point of view both felt their child would no longer go to heaven, or might not, but mostly they felt that their child was rejecting everything they brought them up with and in a way rejecting them. I’m not defending your mother here – she is being very hurtful and mean. But I hope this can perhaps give some perspective. I was very surprised how hurt the mothers were in both these cases. They called it just a slap in the face like they weren’t good enough, or like their children thought they should have been raised differently. It’s very emotional.
I think it took a lot of talks dealing with how and why the child decided to convert to get through to both mothers. I know I talked to our family friend about it. She got over it pretty quickly, but it really seemed like at first she was just devastated. So maybe some time and talking about it could help. If your mother is ever willing to have a rational conversation about this with you I would try and see if that helps. Best of luck.
Post # 14
@Autumnsnow: I completely agree with you, I would tell her this but I know she would just flip out.
@tampalove35: In all honesty I know she is annoyed because I didn’t follow the same path as her, which I can understand. But she isn’t a regular church-goer so I don’t feel much sympathy towards the way she is treating me.
@j_jaye: Thank you, I really hope we can work it out too. I’m not too concerned about us paying for the wedding on our own, I’m more concerned about how I’m going to be treated for the next few months and if she can move on from all of this.
@dewingedpixie: It’s really complicated right.. we are lucky though that at least one parent is okay about it. I just wish my mum wasn’t taking it so personally.
@beachbride1216: Thank you, I’m still really excited about finally getting baptised even if she doesn’t approve. I just hope she doesn’t take too much longer being able to accept it and move on.