Post # 1
Okay, I’ll admit it… sometimes I can be judgmenty.
As a babyless bee myself, I sometimes catch myself judging parents and/or children in my head saying “When I have kids I’ll….”
“… never let them sleep in my bed, make sure they clean up after themselves, never bribe them, never let them talk back at me like that etc”
I DO NOT say this out loud, it is an internal conversation.
So I was laughing about this topic with one of my best friends who has a 4 year old. I told her (jokingly) my children are going to be perfect because I am going to have all these rules. She laughed with me and said you just wait until you have one… most of these go flying out the window!
So just wondering… what is the biggest thing you were adamant about doing/not doing that you ended up not doing/doing? Not for seriousness just for lolz that we think we know what having kids is like… then you have them. Please keep it light hearted 🙂
This topic was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by nessdawwg. Reason: Can't spell
Post # 2
I’m commenting to follow. I’m sure I need to hear this. I’ve read so many books and feel really strongly about certain methods, but of course I am aware I’ll have to evolve during the course of my child’s life!
Good topic OP!
Post # 3
I still don’t have any kids of my own, but I’m the assistant director of a daycare center. I always swore to myself I’d never say, “Because I said so!” because it used to make me so angry as a kid, I wanted a valid reason! Totally caught myself saying it the other day after the millionth round of “but whyyyyy?” with one of the kids. Now I understand why my mother said it, haha.
Post # 4
Evie19: Thanks 🙂
I’m the same, I feel very strongly about many parenting techniques, but it’s laughable at the same time because I have absolutely no experience and everyone I know says they are such a different parent from what they expected to be.
Post # 5
nessdawwg: I don’t have children either but I know there will be things that I give in on even though I have the best intentions right now! lol
My aunty was a classic one for this, before she had her own children she’d say things when we were out like ‘my children will never be allowed to throw tantrums in public!’… well, lets just say they did lol
I think we all have to just go in to parenting with good intentions and a sense of how we intend to shape our children but give ourselves a break when/if it doesn’t quite happen that way!
Post # 6
I never had any expectations to be a perfect parent or have my kids perfect. I figured I would raise mine as I was raised and I did. He’s happy, healthy, polite, respectful, independent, educated, child free and drug free. Can’t be unhappy about that.
I used to get crap from my mom friends that I wasn’t a helicopter mom, well, 20 years later my kid, out of the six mom’s I was friends with, is the only one who doesn’t live at home with mom being supported by mom. My older sister was a helicopter mom, still is. Her kids are so damn codependent on her it’s ridiculous and still live with her (her oldest is 28). My aunt was the same as my sister and all her kids have moved back home too, in their mid thirties, and haven’t had a successful marriage from any of them. All of them raised “perfect” children. They all followed the “rules” of the day.
At the end of the day it’s about following what’s best for your family and your families lifestyle, not about “rules”.
Post # 7
I said that I would NEVER bedshare and that I wouldn’t allow my child to use any technology until they were older.
DD is 6 months old and has refused to sleep anywhere other than in my bed, right next to me, since birth. It’s not my ideal situation, but you do what you have to do in order to get some sleep and survive. She also LOVES my iPhone, and loves facetiming with her dad when he is at work (24 hour shifts), and with her grandparents who live across the country. My mom also sends me recordings of herself reading books to her. She loves it, and it helps me keep my sanity.
Post # 8
tksjewelry: I’ve always gotten the impression from the parenting books I’ve read that being a helicopter mom definitely has a negative influence on kids! Sounds like you did an awesome job as a mom, tks. 🙂
Post # 9
Cory_loves_this_girl: Sounds like technology is a way for your little one to connect with her father and grandparents and that’s great. The bad sides of technology (IMO) for kids, is when it functions as a way to avoid social contact at the dinner table, etc…
Post # 10
I think I’ve learned to go with the flow. I stressed. I thought I had to be oober prepared to be a mom. I read so many books, so many articles, had so many pins on Pinterest about caring for a baby…and here I am just going with the flow. Reading up may make you feel more prepared, but ultimately there is so much about parenting that is instinct and intuition. If you’re a reasonable person YOU’LL BE FINE. And if you have an issue, then just cross that bridge when you get there or google it. ha
Oh and every baby/kid is different. Before I was a mom people would say that but as much as I wanted to accept it I couldn’t. In the back of my mind I felt there was a formula and method for everything. lol. For example, I read about babys loving swaddling and about how it fosters good sleeping habits. My baby HATES sleep sacks and swaddling–flippin hates it all with a passion.
I did so much freaking research on SIDS. I could write a book on the subject. Well, as I type my two week old in my bed asleep in his little co sleeper bassinet thingie. Hardcore SIDS prevention people would say that’s a no-no. Sleeping in a pack n’ play is a no-no. All kinds of stuff is frowned upon. I just stick to the nothing on the sleeping surface rule and have relaxed about everything else.
Post # 11
I don’t have any kids of my own, but I grew up with my half-siblings being able to run free. My stepmother was a bad mix of a hellicopter mom and “my kids are perfect and can do whatever they want.” Needless to say, all my younger siblings are very co-dependent but all think they are way independent. Their struggle to actually be independent is hindered by always trying to please their mother (who I’m sure will never be satified with anything they do). Also, it’s almost painful to witness them with their SO’s.
Really, I just want healthy, happy, well adjusted kids. I’m going to try to raise my children how I was raised. There will be a time and place for running free, like the playground as opposed to a restaurant. My mom loved interacting with her kids and we were always off on an adventure, playing board games, reading, crafting, or baking. I’m hoping to be just as involved. Involved, but not to the point where my children are suffocated. One thing I will absolutely not do is have technology act as a nanny. So many of my friends stick their kids in front of the tv or give their babies and kids an ipad to keep them entertained. I don’t like that. How will they learn to sit still and mind their behavior if you don’t teach them? Another thing I won’t be doing is having grown up conversations in front of my kids. When did it change where kids needed to hear everything? If my parents had friends over, the kids went to play so the adults could talk. Or if my mom and dad needed to talk, we went in another room. I don’t think it’s good for kids to hear everything, especially if it’s something negative.
Like others have said, I think everyone had to go with the flow and figure our what works for them.
Cory_loves_this_girl: Evie19: I love the idea of staying connected through FaceTime and videos with family. Since my family is pretty scattered, I’m sure we’ll be doing this, too.
AllieLaLa: Lol, I’m all about, “Because I said so.” It’s what my mom said to me and I certainly plan to use it 🙂
Post # 12
I thought I would follow all of the “rules” really strictly. I’m a rule follower by nature, so I studied up on all of the “right” ways to raise your baby. Yeah, f-that! I’ve since learned that if you know and trust your kid, you can bend/break a lot of the “rules” and they will be just fine. For instance:
1) I’ve always napped with LO on my chest or next to me in bed. He’s still alive!
2) My 7 month old sleeps in his crib with a blanket. He loves cuddling with it and sleeps much better. He has yet to strangle himself with it.
3) I started solids at 4.5 months. My DS was constantly hungry, nursing every hour during the day and no amount of breastmilk or formula was doing the trick. Solids keep him full and happy.
4) I used a paci and introduced a bottle from day 1, even though the LC and nurses at the hospital said I’d cause nipple confusion. My boy knows where his food comes from, whether it’s boob or bottle, there was no confusion.
Post # 13
Cory_loves_this_girl: Check out the App “Baby Night Sky”, when the baby presses the screen, moons and stars pop up and play music. DS LOVES it! Plus, I think teaching kids super early to be comfortable with technology will benefit them later in life. Don’t use it as a babysitter, but don’t shield them from it either. It will be undoubtedly be an integral part of their lives, so why not expose them to it early?
Post # 14
ExcitedScaredBee: I’ll look into that app! I think the use of technology is pretty inevitable these days, might as well get used to it sooner than later.
Post # 15
My daughter is only 4 weeks old, but I will still chime in. When I was pregnant talking to my cousin I said I would not let my child have a pacifier and would not let her use me as a pacifier. Well, she started using me as a pacifier around 2 weeks. She just cries and cries until I give her the boob and then she falls asleep instantly. After about a week of finally giving in so that I could get some sleep I decided to give her a pacifier. Well, she won’t take a pacifier, so I continue to be her pacifier 🙁