Must read – When Your Mother Says She's Fat

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
451 posts
Helper bee

@Dogsbody92:  I can’t relate, my mother is always telling me I need to lose weight and bringing me books and articles on losing weight along with boxes of doughnuts for me and my kids.  WTF?  I am not fat.  Yes I’ve gone from a 2 to a 6 over the last 2 years but I am 40 for god’s sake.  Leave me alone, woman!

Post # 5
Member
8905 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@Dogsbody92:  great read.  One thing about my mother that I am SO appreciative for is that I literally never, ever heard her say a single negative comment about her body the entire time I was growing up.  She’s a good-looking, healthy woman – but she has (like most of us) “imperfections” that a lot of women would beat themselves up over.  Never.  That is so impressive, and it really rubbed off on my sister and me… we knew that our bodies are to appreciate and love, not to hate and be disgusted by.

I hope to do the same if I have daughters!

Post # 6
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

This is going on with a relative of mine. Her daughter regularly uses the words “fat”, “chunky”, and “diet.” She’s 6 years old. She asked me the other day if I was on a diet. I said no. Her little face looked so confused and distressed. She told me her mommy is always on a diet, and I should be on a diet as well.

Post # 7
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Dogsbody92:  Thank you for sharing this – beautiful and hits very close to home for me.  Tears in my eyes! xx

Post # 8
Member
451 posts
Helper bee

@Dogsbody92:  

@lolot:  

@MsW-to-MrsM:  

Y’all have made such good points about how we learn from our mothers.  My mom started putting me in pageants at age 11.  Yep, learrned to parade around in a bathing suit and high heels on stage before I hit puberty!  Kept at it through college and two trips to the Miss Virginia pageant.  One year I won “the onlly prize worth winning if you didn’t win the whole pageant” (yep, more than one person told me that), the swimsuit competition.  I weighed 92 pounds at the time.  So, two bouts of “mild” anorexia later, I’ve come to terms with my body.  And at age 40, I am no longer 92 pounds.  My 73 year old mom has not changed one bit.  She even (without my consent) put my son in a pageant when he was 3.  I read her the riot act.  At least he won handsomest (is that even a word?) boy under age 5.  Ewwww.

I was so afraid I would be like my mom if I had daughters (I still had mommy issues at 26 and 29 when my kids were born) that I actually prayed for sons.  I have two boys.  🙂

Moms owe their daughters more!!!  I hope our generation will be better at it.

Post # 10
Member
209 posts
Helper bee

It’s one of the reasons that I’m terrified to have a daughter, if I have a child.

What if she grows up believing her worth and her best asset is how she looks, compared to the standards of society, despite my best attempts to show her it’s not true?

I’m grateful that my mother let me remain a child and unaware of outward appearances until I was old enough to form my own opinions.

Post # 11
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Thank you for that, brought tears to my eyes, but it was worth reading. I’ll try and keep that in mind if I ever have a daughter.

Post # 12
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@SomedaymrsWDS:  My mom did both – called herself fat (even though she wasn’t) and was always dieting throughout my childhood and adolescence… then after she got cancer and lost a lot of weight, she starting attacking my sister and I for our weights. Granted, we are both slightly overweight, but not by much.

It took me some distance and my FI’s support to overcome my mother’s effect on my body image/self-worth (I still struggle with it to some extent), and I’m watching it torment my sister who still listens to her.

I’ve promised myself many times that while I will raise my children to in a healthy lifestyle; I will not add to the world’s pressures to be thin and beautiful – especially if I have girls!

Post # 13
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I went on a diet in grade 3 and it had nothing to do with my mom. Yes, we learn from our parents but we also enter into the school system and come across a lot of diverse perspectives. If my mom doesn’t talk about it, that doesn’t mean I won’t come across judgemental little bitches at school, see advertisements, or hear other people talking about it. 

To me, it’s the world we live in. We can’t shelter kids from life. Well, unless we move somewhere remote. 

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