Post # 1
So my fiance was an ‘oops’ baby… his mother will tell you this. His two brothers were almost 18 when he was born, one joined the military and decided to move halfway accross the country and his other brother followed him out there. So basically my fiance grew up with them never being around. We’ve gone to visit them a couple times, but if they ever come here my FMIL pays for them to come here (they are in their mid 40’s). Which drives me bonkers! Side note: they call home for money often saying the electric has been shut off, they don’t have money for food, ect. And they never send FMIL a birthday present or a Christmas present…not even a card! This upsets me.
My fiance and I decided on having a small bridal party – a total of 6 people. FI started asking his groomsmen and FMIL found out he wasn’t going to ask his brothers and she’s pissed. Now he doesn’t know what to do.
Oh and P.S. – At their cousins wedding 3 years ago, fiance’s two brothers got so drunk that they BROKE the photo booth (literally snapped it in half) our cousin rented and they started a fist fight with a couple groomsmen back at the hotel… among other things. We ended up having to leave the wedding early, I was so embarassed.
I’m just looking for opinions. Am I being an ass? Can’t they be ushers… or something? HELP!
One brother got married last year but they didn’t have a bridal party.
Grooms parents are not contributing to wedding costs.
This topic was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by ashtiernan.
Post # 2
NO! The wedding is about you and your FI!!! I get so tired of people feeling entitled! I just had a similar debate with my mother this morning because I’m not inviting her stepkids when I get married. I haven’t seen them in ages so why would I invite them. I told her she’s welcome to pay for them but I’m not.
Sorry I went on a rant LOL But seriously, just because they are his siblings doesn’t not mean they have to be in the wedding IMO.
Post # 3
- Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016
No, I don’t think it’s necessary, required or rude at all not to include them as groomsmen. You certainly have valid reasons for not wishing to include them and I think your FI should be allowed to choose those who are most important to him to stand up there with him on such an important day. It’s going to be difficult dealing with your FMIL, but in the end, it’s NOT her decision, and your FI needs to explain to her, calmly, why he’s choosing these other people instead. If she’s upset that’s her own fault, but as you say, it might be a nice compromise to give them something else to do (which they might not even want, do they care if they are or aren’t groomsmen?).
Post # 3
I’m getting so sick and annoyed of hearing about family members that want to butt into relationships that are NOT THEIR OWN. His mother can throw whatever fit she wants, if he doesn’t want them in the bridal party, he doesn’t want them in the bridal party. Who is she to get mad about something like this. Without a doubt, ignore her opinion and do/ask whoever you want.
Post # 5
I don’t think it’s required, but expect hurt feelings.
That said, if your FI already doesn’t have a relationship with his brothers, there’s really nothing to ruin by not having them in the party.
But if they are hurt by it and come to the wedding as guests, I’d expect some shenanigans
Post # 6
Nope, you definitely don’t have to just because they’re siblings. My husband had his older brother as a groomsmen and his youngest didn’t really have any role. And for no reason other than he didn’t want to. Your reasons are far more valid!
Post # 7
ashtiernan: I think people tend to ask siblings because they will always be part of your lives, while friends come and go. I’m getting some serious side-eye from people for not having my brother and his wife in the bridal party. Um, I wasnt asked to be in their wedding, I despise my SIL, and FI isn’t close with my brother…why on earth would I ask them to be in the wedding? I’m staying firm though. If your FI thinks it will be more hassle than it’s worth, let him do what he wants. Just expect that people won’t understand and will likely be vocal in their opinions and judgments of you.
Post # 8
ashtiernan: They don’t need to be apart of the bridal party. I understand FMIL feels differently, but it sounds like she favors them and thats probably why. Your FI’s “best guys” should be standing up there with him.
Post # 9
ashtiernan: You don’t have to. But this is sort of one of those “family” things. What’s more important? That you don’t have the brothers in the party, or that you keep the peace?
I have a brother who is 18 years younger than me, and I wanted him in our wedding.
My sister though? I honestly could have left her out of it– we have such a strained relationship at this point, and her husband and transformed her into a nightmare. But #1, I know many guests would have been like WTF?? – if my sister wansn’t in our wedding. I also knew my parents would kill me if I had my brother and not my sister in our wedding party.
It would have just been awkward all the way around.
So I changed our damn wedding date, so my sister and my BIL (ass) could attend (and her be in the bridal party) our wedding. It kept the peace in the long run.
Post # 10
No, they don’t have to be bridal party. Why not give them a role that’s meaningless to you, but will appease your FMIL? Ushers roles are perfect for this. They basically just seat everyone but it still makes them feel a little important. Plus, you won’t even see them in their roles because you’ll be getting ready in the back.
Post # 11
ashtiernan: I think whether the FMIL is contributing to the wedding or not is irrelevant. However, you’re supposed to be estatic that the closest people to you are standing up there with you. If your FI is not thrilled about the idea now, then he definitely won’t be feeling it at all on the wedding day.
I probably sound lile a jerk, but if FMIL wants her sons to be groomsmen, she can throw another wedding and they can be in it.
Post # 12
ashtiernan: I never had any of my sisters in my bridal party. I had 5 sisters. I knew there would be hurt feelings if I had one and not the others so I had my friends only.
Post # 13
bphi163: LMAO my sentiments exactly!
Post # 14
Nah, I don’t think so. My sister isn’t in my bridal party- I didn’t even think about it to be honest.
Post # 15
No, they definitely don’t need to be. I have two significantly younger sisters and neither of them are going to be in my wedding. I’m really close to one and the other is crazy. Between that and their ages it was a no go, plus i have a good core groups of friends that I couldn’t imagine not being in my wedding.
So you FMIL and his brothers just need to deal, because you guys have to do what you feel is right and what is best for the two of you and your wedding.