Post # 1
Sooooo as my previous posts have mentioned I don’t get on with my FMIL, the rest of the family always seemed to be OK with me, but then last week there was a very heated argument with his family, his mum said that I was “no good for him” and that why, when he’d spent years becoming a vicar, would he want to jeopardize his friendship with the bishop by marrying an atheist, who was not even going to convert or stop working to look after the vicarage! His brother said that while he commended Simon marrying someone for love rather than someone who suited their mum, but that I was a slut evident by the fact I got pregnant some years ago (unfortunately I lost the baby quite early on).
I just feel that I’m being attacked on all sides!!!
Post # 3
WHOA!!! Not a nice thing to say at all to you! That’s unacceptable. I’m really sorry. They do not show good moral chartacter if they’re attacking you and your fiance.
Post # 4
I agree, I assume these people are Christians but seem to be behaving in a very un-Christ like way. What did your FI say? I can’t imagine DH letting his family say those things about me, he would rather never see them again. He needs to stick up for you, for starters. I don’t think I’d be spending any more time with people like that if I could help it. Life is hard enough as it is! Try not to feel attacked, it is their narrow mindedness that’s the problem rather than your religious beliefs, career choices or previous experiences. Wishing you all the best!
Post # 5
thanks girls – to be clear Simon did stick up for me but it’s hard for him, I mean even I can see where his mum is coming from – I mean if we were on a dating site we would never be matched – we are so different! And logically – a vicar and a atheist just don’t match up!!! Also it’s quite rare for a vicars wife to work – normally they’re helping out with church stuff and … stuff. So I can see where she’s coming from but I just don’t accept being spoken to like that especially what his brother said.
Post # 6
Wow, I am so sorry that your FILs treat you sooo badly. I would stay far far far away from them. And I would never let them know ANY of your personal business! That is just terrible. I hope that you will be living far away from them!!! Hugs
Post # 7
Oh man, I would have such a snarky comment for them if they said something like that to me (after I picked my jaw up from the floor). Maybe something along the lines of “Yes, isn’t it great that Simon is such a good representative for vicar’s – open minded, appreciative of the differences of others and non-judgmental? It’s one of the reasons I love him so.”
Post # 8
@goldilocks oh if only I had thought of that!!! and it’s true that is one reason why I love him so much!
Post # 9
I really like Goldilocks1107‘s response! His family could learn a lesson from him! Sheesh! I’m so sorry you have to deal with such unfriendly future inlaws. I hope he tells them going forward that 1) loving one another and being committed to one another is more important than having things in common and 2) they have no right to speak about his chosen partner that way and 3) that they could practice a little empathy and compassion!
Post # 10
Oh, I am sorry. That is a horrible and judgemental thing to say about you- especially what the brother said. I don’t know what to say. It sounds like a pretty judgemental group you are heading into. I don’t believe in people that lack compassion, no matter what church they belong to.
Post # 11
Hun, I totally understand how you feel, my FI’s grandmother told me I was Satan’s minister and was sent to take him into hell b/c I’m Catholic!…LUCKILY for me there’s only a select few in his family who agree with her. I’ve learned to just smile and accept it b/c we love each other. There are certain people who believe certain things and no amount of discussion will change that…
Post # 12
@june – satan’s minister?! that’s just out in left field, past the stands, and in the parking lot. If someone said that to me, i’m not sure i could keep myself from laughing!
@vicar – i suggest you do what i do – plan out a few good things to say in a couple of different scenarios so that if the situation ever arises, you’re ready with a response and not flustered. that way you also can have a plan for what you want to say, and not say something rash, or nothing at all. I like goldilock’s suggestion..
Post # 13
Wow, their values don’t seem very good to me. Is his brother married? If not is he a virgin? Or is he a slut? I’d tell his mother that you thought long and hard about the unfortunate fact that a vicar’s wife will have to encounter backwards people who expect her to work for free with no social security payments for other’s benefit and her husband’s career choice. The unfortunate propbability that as a vicar he will be surrounded by closeminded people who value superficiality over integrity and hide that behind religioun but after some loong thought you finally decided he was worth the hassle… despite his terribly rude family.
Ughr! I can’t believe them!
Post # 14
I think you should send the brother and the mom a present. Mail them each a beautifully wrapped package with a single lovely smooth rock inside, along with with the bible passage John 8:7. “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.”
They are treating you in a horribly cruel, unfair, and un-Christian manner, and deserve to be called out on it.