- 6 years ago
Hi guys, I just found this website while googling my situation to see if I could find anyone else who has been in the same place. Basically, I was asked to be a bridesmaid in a wedding and later the bride and I came to a mutual-ish agreement that I would be removed from the wedding party. Here is my story:
Amber and I had been good friends a few years ago. We worked together and had a lot in common because we both lived in the same area and loved to shop. I was in undergrad and she had no college degree or desire for one (this plays importance later on, in my mind). Once I was in my final year of college, I decided to move back to my college town and live there. Amber and I lost touch and hadn’t spoken for about 2 years.
Out of nowhere one day she texted me and said “so we set a date”. I was like huh?? I asked for more info and she said her and her boyfriend had “agreed” to get married (he did not actually propose) and they set a date. I told her I was happy for her, and all that other good stuff. After that, we started texting and emailing more frequently, but still not hanging out or doing anything face to face. Then, also out of nowhere, she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I really wanted to decline since I was extremely busy and we now live over an hour apart, and we haven’t really spoken in a while, but I accepted.
She immediately became a bridezilla. She asked that I take off work at my BRAND NEW job in the middle of the week so that I could attend her dress fitting. She asked me to come to her house to help her sew things for the wedding decorations. She asked me to go out to random breakfasts and lunches with the other bridesmaid (there were only 2 of us). She would constantly send me emails all day long at work with pictures of centerpieces, hairstyles, shoes, jewelery, etc. I told her I was too busy at my NEW job to help her with her wedding. This would be okay if 1) she was a good friend of mine, and 2) I wasn’t in a new job, putting myself through very expensive graduate school, and 3) have a busy life with my boyfriend, family, and friends. I tried to attend everything I could, but she could not wrap her head around me having to stay in all weekend to study for an exam, or not being able to go to breakfast on a Saturday morning because I had to meet my group for schoolwork. She just did not get it.
After I couldn’t attend something she asked me to, she asked me if I was sure I wanted to be a part of the wedding. I told her that I am really busy and grad school eats up 90% of my spare time, but as long as she understood that and was willing to work with me, I could remain in the wedding. She went along with it. We went to get bridesmaid dresses, they cost $225. They are a hideous shade of puke green. I paid a 50% deposit up front.
About a week after placing the order for the bridesmaid dresses, she started talking about how the other bridesmaid and I have to wear matching shoes. She sent me a website with $80 shoes. Then, she said we had to get our hair done. Then, she requested her bachelorette party be at the beach. It was getting ridiculous. I told her I had tan heels I could wear (the shoes she chose were also tan) so I would wear them instead of getting new shoes. She flipped. She asked me again if I was sure I had the time/committment ability to be in the wedding. I told her I didn’t. I had had it.
We haven’t talked for 4 months. I just called the bridal shop and found that the dresses are in. I texted her and asked her what we should do about my dress, and if she found someone to replace me. Her response was “you can pick it up”. I told her that I didn’t think I should be obligated to the remaining 50% since it was a mutual agreement and everything. She said “it was your decision not to be in the wedding over shoes”. She does not get it. I didn’t remove myself from the wedding over the shoes.
Her problem is she is narrow minded, has had zero life experiences, has no real friends, and is not mature. She can’t see that we are both at fault here. In her eyes, I totally screwed her over and she did nothing to deserve it. She couldn’t understand that college and post graduate degrees are demanding because she has never been there.
My question to you all is: do you think I should just pay the remaining balance and get on with my life? Maybe try to sell the dress online? Or should I continue to badger her for the money? I have even thought about going so far as to threaten taking her to small claims court over detrimental reliance. What should I do?!