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Ok bees here it goes - my life in ruins! The past 72 hours have been hell-O!
Where to begin..hmm well last August I was proposed to by my amazing BF of 3 years. I was beyond excited to begin the planning of our forever happily after. Shortly after the proposal, my FI informed me that his oldest sister had said time & time before that she wanted to the be the 1st in the family to be engaged. My FI's oldest sister had been dating a guy for about 6 or 7 years. My FI had gone to his sister's BF several times asking him when he was going to propose because he didn't want to upset his sister. Do you see what a great guy I have - or shall I say had. Weeks went by & my FI's sister's BF could not produce the funds for a ring. My FI went ahead & purchased my e-ring. The week leading up to the proposal, my FI tried to meet with his sister to discuss his intentions of proposing to me & their schedules did not match up. My FI contacted his younger sister & asked if she could speak with the older sister & break the news to her so she isn't surprised & hurt. My FI truly cares about his sister's feelings & that is what makes me love him on so many levels. So after our proposal, my FI asked me to be considerate of his sister's feelings & to not be so happy. I was saddened because this was the happiest day of my life & I had to pretend to not be happy. When we broke the news to his family, the oldest sister looked at my ring, said "Congrats" midway through a yawn & said "I'm going back to bed." I felt hurt for my FI that his sister wasn't happy for her brother especially after I knew the lengths he went to avoid hurting her feelings. My resentment toward my FSIL began that day & her's to me. For the 1st 3 to 4 weeks of our engagement, my FI & I respected his older sister's feelings & did not speak of wedding planning around her. Finally, we heard news the oldest sister's BF purchased an Ering & was proposing the next day. We were so happy! I gave my FSIL a few wedding magazines & a card. I did not receive a thank you. But I was taught to never do things to receive a 'thank you' so I shrugged it off the best I could. While discussing wedding dates with his newly engaged sister, it came to be we both wanted Sept 2011 weddings. Our dates were 2 weeks a part, but she insisted I move my date & stated I would be "putting her family out for gifts & wedding attire". My FILs arranged a meeting for my FI & my FSIL. They discussed moving the wedding my FI compromised & agreed to push it back to Sept 2012. After the emotional roll coaster of being happy & sad, we began planning our Sept 2012 wedding. We found out around Thanksgiving that my FSIL couldn't get the date she wanted in Sept 2011 & booked for June 25th 2011. The resentment was building & building now because we moved our date a whole year & she never had a booked venue & date in Sept 2011. During the whole planning process, I would email her photographers'/videographers' info that I had met & talked with & had great pricing etc & she never replied back. When I would see her at family functions I would say "Hello" & she would say "Hi" while sighing. At this point, there was SO much tension between her & I. My family would reinforce to me that I had done nothing wrong & to keep smiling & being cordial with her. Her bridal shower was April 3rd & I have yet to receive a thank you from her. But I then again, I don't do things to receive a 'thank you' but it would have been nice of her. On Monday Memorial Day I received an email invitation to her bachelorette party for that Friday night - Yes 5 days notice! I had already planned on attending a concert with my long time friend who I had not seen in over a year. I contacted the cousin who was hosting the event & informed her that I regretted I could not attend but had prior commitments. Well apparently this did not sit well with my FI's entire family. Needless to say, I was given the 3rd degree at the next family function.
So now here we are Friday night June 24th, the night before my FSIL's wedding. I needed help from my FMIL on a card I had made (with my cricut) for my FSIL. While visiting my FIL's home, I accidentally saw my FSIL's wedding dress hanging from a ceiling fan - it was the same dress as mine! I thought I was hallucinating at first. I looked again & her dress was MY DRESS! I went into shock. I couldn't scream, I couldn't cry I couldn't look away. I was frozen! I told my FI what I had just seen & he told me I was over reacting etc. I cried from 10pm Friday night to Saturday morning. My FI & were now arguing over this. I never said his sister intentionally purchased the same dress as me, but it was very coincidental. At 11am, I got a call from my sister very upset asking me to meet her at my father’s home. The first thing I thought of was that my FI contacted my father & my father was now arranging a couple counseling session at his house. I told my sister I wasn’t going & she blurted out “Its Daisy” in a frightening tone. Daisy is my 15 year old cat that I helped birth on my bedroom floor. Daisy had become a huge part of my teenage years. Whenever I was upset about school or boys, I would talk to her & she would listen to me. She would lay on my school books while I studied so I would give her attention. She knew when I was upset & would comfort me. She was my baby! When I arrived at my father’s home, my sister & father were on the front step crying. I ran inside without greeting them & found my baby, Daisy, lying still on the ground peaceful with her head resting on her arm. She was gone. The cat I watched be born & raised from birth now lying there lifeless. It was then, that everything I had been angry/upset about the past 24 hours did not matter. The dress was just a dress & it had no importance to my wedding day. I could find another one with the remaining 14 months. The one thing that was important, was marrying a man I love. After that realization, I cried hysterically on the way to the vet’s office to have her cremated. I cried on the way home from the vet. I cried & cried. I began to have an upset stomach & started vomiting. It got to the point in the day (1pm) I could not attend the church at 2pm. How could I show up sobbing & vomiting to a wedding? Out of respect for my FSIL, I did not want the attention from others on me. It was her day-her day to be the center of attention. During the day I never received a call from my FI asking me how I was. I assumed he was still upset about our arguing over the dress. When my FI got home after the wedding, he said to me “We’re done. The wedding’s off!” So in one day, I lost my beloved cat & fiancé. I am emotionally bankrupt! I called both his parent’s cell phones Sunday morning to explain to them & they didn’t answer or return my calls. The only advice my family can give me is this “If he can walk away from you after he asked you to spend the rest of your life with him over this, he was never the kind of man you deserved to be married to.” What are your thoughts bees?
Wow. First, I don't want to add to your upset, but you should section this out. It was hard to read. Second, I am so sorry about your cat. I know it's hard to lose a family pet. Three, I'm confused as to why your FI is upset.
Is he upset because you didn't attend the wedding or is he upset because you flipped out about her dress? In any case, give him some space and time and allow yourself some time to mourn.
Then talk it out. Communication is key. I don't like when people threaten each other with ending a relationship with no reason. If he can call off the wedding over a dress or you missing the wedding, then what else can he call off the wedding/arriage for?
Oh my lord. I'm so sorry, this has to be such a difficult time for you.
The best advice (?) I can give is to take time for yourself and give everything else time to settle. I understand FI's and family's being upset with you not attending the wedding, especially with all of the stress between you and FSIL. That being said, this was a difficult time for you and hopefully they'll come to accept it.
Your fiancee will come around, I'm sure of it. Whatever you do, do not wallow in misery, do not call/beg/plead with him. Take space, and give him his. He's obviously upset too and you both need time to move through this. I'm sure it'll all work out, and your parents are right.
Good luck to you, sweets. It's tough right now but this will get better!
I completely agree with your family. You lost a HUGE part of your life that day, the least your FI could have done was be understanding. I'm so sorry that this happened to you but if this is the way he acts then you deserve much better.
His sister sounds like a tool.
I agree with your family! If he can just call it off this easy-he's not committed for the long haul. You will definitely do better. I'm sorry. :(
wow. it seems to me that htere has been a HUGE amount of over-reacting on both your parts. i mean you have to put some perspective onto this situation here. weddings are not life or death...they are a day that will come and go. people freak out and i don't understand why...ever. not saying this is all your fault, but crying and freaking over isues like the same dress/dates/venues is just ridiculous. if it's not life or death, there's really no sense in stressing. as far as missing FSIL wedding - that's unacceptable, and probably how your FI saw it as well. deceased pet or not, i mean, i would think you could pull yourself together enough to get through a wedding. i have lost pets before and it would have not made me miss an event that was so important to my FI and his family. i think you should probably work on your emotional stability. i don't men to sound harsh, but i am not one of those girls on here that tells everyone what they want to hear either ;)
Oh wow! That's a really, really tough situation! Have you talked to FI since the incident? Maybe you should give him a few days to calm down and then talk things over.
I like your parents. ALOT.
They really mean what they are saying, and I think they raised you correctly (saying thank you, writing thank you's...etc).
Unfortunately, this is horrible and I am sorry you have to go though this. But I am so confused why your FI wasn't more comforting to you....and will he walk out anytime you REALLY need him?
I understand why the Fi family was upset you didnt go to the wedding...i mean its kinda major...but I also understand why you werent there, also kinda major! These people seem like they just care about themselves and only themselves. It's unfortunate.
I am sorry you are going through this. If this is the end all of this relationship, I am sure there is a gentleman out there that would stand up for you and let you be happy on one of the happiest days of your life...when you are glowing of engagement! Good luck, and if you decide to get back together for some reason....make sure he is on your team too. I tell my FI all the time when there is an issue with his family...that first and foremost we are on the same TEAM always! We dont have to agree with each other, but we have to be supportive and behind each other.
Good luck, and again sorry about your loss daisy.
i think the advice your family is giving you is good advice. You deserve someone way better than this, preferably with a nice, normal sister!
@Kristen0128: yikes. lots of hugs, hun. I'm so so sorry about your kitty. :( I just recently lost a pet, myself, and I'm soooo sooo sorry. :(
That said... um. I'm gonna be blunt. Your ex-FI is a jerk.
First red flag: his sister should NEVER have entered the picture for when he wanted to propose to YOU. So she wanted to be "the first", whoop-t-do. Would he have to wait for HER to have the first kid? (what would happen if that didn't happen???)
Second red flag: he didn't call to ask how you were?!?!?!? Uh... it was my FI who told me the news about my bunny and he then held me and took me out to a movie. Pretty sure a wedding wouldn't have been in the picture. We NEVER went a day without making sure we called or texted each other to find out how each other is/was.
Third red flag: He didn't stand up for YOU to his family.
And breaking it off over an argument over a dress and you being too ill to attend a wedding??? yeah, there's a huge flag right there.
Sorry, but it sounds like you might've been saved a lot of heartache in the long run.
Call up your sister and your parents and lean on them. Go out with your friends. Grieve over your kitty. Take a break from everything and don't THINK about any of it. Give it a couple days or even a week. (I know, easier said than done). THEN think about it and talk it over with your sister or a friend or even a therapist.
I'm soooo sorry you're going through all this. ((((HUGS))))
Unfortunately, to some people a pet is just a pet and the death of one is something we should all just suck up and move past quickly... however, as a pet owner myself, I understand that losing a pet (especially a 15 year old one!) is not an easy thing to take in stride...
That said, I'm not sure if not going to your FSIL's wedding because of it was a good idea. It does really sound like you were a mess that day (understandibly), however your future family probably saw it as incredibly inconsiderate to your FSIL and to them that you didn't attend over a cat, especially with all the history between you two. In the end, it might have been best that you didn't go, but I guess I'm not sure not being there to see the exact situation.
Your FI probably spent the whole day hearing about how awful you are for not attending his sister's wedding... and by the end of the day he probably agreed. If he was really completely unwilling to see your side of it though (the realization that the dress and the wedding date are not what is important, and your feelings about losing Daisy), I'd say he isn't the kind of man who deserves you.
I'm sorry you are going through this.
If your FI called off the engagement because you did not attend his sister's wedding, then he truly is not the man for you. I suspect there is more to it than that, although he may have been very hurt by your decision not to show up for his sister's wedding.
Are you being honest with yourself about your feelings re your ex-FI's sister? You expressed feelings of strong anger many times over her actions or decisions, then minimized them by saying things like " But I was taught to never do things to receive a 'thank you' so I shrugged it off the best I could", "The dress was just a dress & it had no importance to my wedding day".
Give it some time and see what happens.
This is incredibly sad, and although I have no 'sound' advice to offer, wanted to offer condolences. As someone dealing with losses, both in love and in life, all I can say is time is the best thing. Time to mourn, time to be sad, time to heal.
I am hoping that whatever outcome YOU want is the outcome YOU receive, but taking time and figuring that out is really key right now.
As your family stated - do you really want to be with someone who would walk away under these circumstances?? Or, is this just a bump in the road you two need to communicate about??
Only you will know. Good luck!!
His sister sounds like a piece of work. If there any chance this will blow over? I can see where his family would be upset that you missed the entire wedding. Your ex-FI was probably hearing them griping all day and that could have led to the blow up. I've lost a family pet and it was terrible but I think I could've gotten it together enough to attend a wedding reception. Were you planning on just skipping the ceremony and then showing up later? The fact that he didn't check on you AT ALL during the day to see how you were doing is troubling. Your parents are probably right.
HUGS!
I'm so sorry! Losing a pet is so hard, he should have understood! Honestly, I don't know how much of that I could handle and continue wanting to be with my Fiance. It doesn't seem like your Fiance likes to stand up for you. I'm not saying to start drama but at the minimum have respect/understand you and your feelings! Try to keep focussed on the ones you love right now and hopefully your Fiance will cool down and you two can go to a counselor/mediator and discuss how you've been feeling. I'd personally print this off and bring it with you just to show how you've been feeling.
Also, I hate when people don't send thank you's. I always send them and my in-laws don't so it's a little irritating.
Did your fiance know that your cat had died? Or did he not know about it and thought you blew off his sister's wedding because you were mad about the dress?
First of all :::bug hugs::: Just reading this makes me want to cry. I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this right now. First of all please know that you did nothing wring with your FSIL. Her true colors basically showed when she stated that she was to be engaged first. That kind of declaration is the kind that comes from someone who is selfish and/or has no grip on any reality outside of her own. Second, I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your cat. Losing a pet, especially a pet that was an instrumental part of your childhood, is devestating. Take comfort in the wonderful times you had with her and be happy that she had fifteen wonderful years. I know the pain will always be there but time helps. As far as your FI ending things, I have to say, he seemed to lack any understanding of your feelings from day one. You deserve better than that! Catering to his sisters ridiculous demands instead of putting his future wife first is really not the sign of good husband material. The fact that he took it upon himself to end things while you were completely broken down is another indicator that he needs a sensitivity chip implant asap. Again, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope it all works out for you. Please know that it's entirely possible that escaping this family is the best thing for you.
Oh gosh, I have goose pimples up and down my arms. Please take what I'm about to say knowing that I am ONLY going off of what you wrote:
He's leaving you???? You should be leaving him!!! The very first red flag for me was this:
So after our proposal, my FI asked me to be considerate of his sister's feelings & to not be so happy
How can he expect you to lessen your happiness for his sister? What kind of love is that? From him to you? And from her to him? If she loves him, she should be EQUALLY happy for you!!
And the most obvious red flag is that he didn't attempt to see how you were the day of the wedding? What loving fiance does that?
Why does it seem to me that you are a status to him and must do as your told and that his family comes first?
I have to agree with PP that your family ROCKS!
I have to remind you that I don't know your life history with him, but again with another PP, he sounds like a jerk!
I'm so sorry about your cat but all I see in this post is a one sided relationship where NONE of your feelings matter. That you don't deserve to be happy. You can only be happy when he says it's appropriate. All of your feelings and resentment are justified in my God's honest opinion! Big big hugs to you. (I would not take him back unless he came grovelling for months).
Wow! I am so sorry to hear this! I hate to make it worse, but it sounds like something out of an awful movie -- with a happy ending!
I am not a cat person, but I can not fathom the loss of our family pets, it would be horrendous. I can completly understand 120% where you are coming from in that aspect and the issues with your FSIL. Your FI sounds very similar to mine as far as how important his family is to him, and how much they influence him -- whether it be good or bad. MY FSIL and I have had some words of our own, and I've had to kindly tell her multiple times to let it go, or grow up or something to that extent. I can't imagine how you're feeling.
My personal opinion, once you're engaged, it's not like you're dating in HS and you can break up every other week and everything be ok. You should NEVER NEVER EVER say the WEDDING is OFF, unless you absolutely mean it -- and over you missing your FSIL's wedding and some tiff's over a wedding dress, that's nothing to call a wedding off for. If he's willing to just throw those words around whenever he think's HE IS EMOTIONAL or what not, then I wouldn't be so quick to take him back.
You seem like a very genuine and very caring person .. we all get a little crazy sometimes with stress and emotion, but he over-stepped the line in my opinion.
Best of Luck and keep us updated!
Ugh. I completely sympathize about losing your cat of 15 years. I was the same way when I lost mine...I grew up with him and when I experienced some pretty bad life experiences, he was there to cuddle with when I had no one else. I'm so sorry :(
I can't believe your FI is reacting in that way though. To some people pets are just animals...and a cat is nothing, which I HATE when I hear that. However, not showing to your FSIL's wedding was kind of a major thing...but not to the point where your FI would call off your wedding and be done with you. He put his family before you which is bothersome. That part does not sit well with me. He should have been understanding and supportive...and how did he just not get it about the dress? That's a big part of the wedding, a big part of the budget...come on! He sounds really out of touch with your emotions and not ready to let go of his family.
What I mean by that is...men don't need to lose their family entirely for their soon-to-be wife but there's a point where they let go a bit and grow more into their relationship. Part of me wants to say he wasn't mature enough to stick up for you from reading this.
I am so sorry that you are hurting right now :( *HUGS*
@Just_Squeeze: This, this, this, a thousand times this. I was completely aghast reading about FSIL's behavior as well as your former FI's willingness to walk on eggshells and have YOU walk on eggshells all for her benefit. I'm sorry you are going through all of this, it must be incredibly hurtful and difficult, but I really think you dodged a bullet here.
I am so sorry you are going through this right now. I agree with your family--you deserve someone who will be there for you.
Fi and I have been together 2.5 years, lived together for 1 year, and when my 17 year old dog had to be put down last fall, he was right there with me, letting me cry, wrapping his mom's afghan around me (we were outside when the vet did the injection), and he stood outside of the truck crying before he could drive us home. Your Fi should have been there for you, both physicially and as emotional support.
As for his abnormal attachment to his clueless b*tchy sister, you're lucky to be rid of that weirdness.
Oh my gosh, I'm so, so sorry about all of this!
I think everything is very raw right now. You know your FI...was this an outburst that he is apt to regret and apologize for with some time to think?
It seems like there is a pattern of family coming first...but your FI should see you as family already. Perhaps I'm foolish in assuming everyone feels that way?
I don't know what to say about this! I'm sorry you're going through it because it sounds terrible. It also sounds like, because of you coincidentally finding out about the FSIL's dress right before the cat died, that your FI might think you were using the cat as an excuse not to go to the wedding when he really believes you might not have gone out of anger toward the sister? I'm not saying you did, but maybe that's what he's thinking? I do agree with some PP that for people who don't own pets or get very attached to animals, it can be hard to understand when someone is as emotionally torn up over the death of a pet as they would be for a human. To people like that, a cat dying would in no way precipitate someone being unable to attend a wedding. I think they are just not understanding where you were coming from and are assigning their own motives to your actions and not giving you the chance to explain yourself, which is unfortunate.
I guess I also agree with PP that if he's so quick to brush off ALL your feelings about your own engagement, wedding, wedding dress, cat, etc., he is probably not the best person to get married to. Some people just don't care to deal with others' emotions and are quick to shut them down when they see situation quickly getting emotional, and your FI sounds like that kind of person. But that's no way for YOU to live, always watching what you say and how you feel for how it might make him angry with you.
Gosh. I just can't give any advice. I am very sorry though. Keep us updated.
@Miss Longcoat: As for his abnormal attachment to his cluess b*tchy sister, you're lucky to be rid that weirdness.
Favorite comment here, so true. He shouldn't have that much of an attachment to her. Yes, missing a wedding is a BIG deal for a future family member, but as a PP said (even though she was referring to the actual poster of the thread) AT THE END OF THE DAY, IT'S JUST A WEDDING. No reason to END a relationship. The FI doesn't seem to care about the emotional well-being of Kristen0128. You deserve better sweetheart.
Maybe this is for the better, maybe he's a great guy and all but just from this, it doesnt sound like you put you first at all!!! First, I understand some sibling rivalry and she wanted to be engaged first, but if her man cant get it together, that is none of your and bf's problem.. your lives should not been put on hold for her. Then you weren't supposed to be HAPPY about it?? And not talk about it around her?? C'mon!! That's rediculous!!! As for the wedding date, I can see how it could be troublesome for family to attend two sibling weddings that close, but why couldnt she agree to move the date to June earlier, or you move it sooner? Another year is a LONG time to wait for your own wedding if you werent prepared to have such a long engagement. And he let her control things again! And now this?? He's willing to just throw in the towel cause you were too sick to attend a wedding?? Did he prefer you to come to the church and throw up mid ceremony?? He's obivously on his families side, and not yours. You need a man that will stand with you, not with his family with you following and bending to their ways.
I think you were wrong not to attend her wedding knowing full well that it would cause a HUGE problem given your history with her. That being said, you probably weren't thinking that through, and SO WHAT if you were wrong?? Spouses should stand by each other right or wrong. Even if he didn't agree with what you did, (and to be honest, that was kind of bad), he should have told you he was upset and disappointed, not completely sided with his family and dumped you. Good riddance to that momma's (or should i say sister's) boy! You can do way better girl!
First of all you have my sympathy for what you have been through.
My first husband was mentally ill (he is a pathological narcissist - clinical diagnosis not mine) and his family is highly dysfunctional. Throughout my engagement I had to deal with similar bending over backwards and walking on eggshells and constantly offending them no matter what I did.
But I was raised to be nice and to not do things for "thank you" but because you always do the right thing.
So I married my dear sweet FI who then proceeded to mentally and physically torture me for 14 years. I am getting ready to get remarried to a wonderful man who has a fantastic NORMAL family (meaning there are issues and funny stuff etc) but we all have learned to grow together and it is wonderful!
I think you need to reread your post and think hard if you are willing to spend a lifetime being degraded at least by the family if also not by your FI.
If you do decide you want to spend your life with your FI I suggest some intense couple's counselling before you enter into marriage to help learn what is appropriate behavior because you have let yourself be dealt a hand of garbage and he is allowing it to be dished out.
Hugs and hang in there - please use this as time to realize how important and lovely and valuable you are and know that your family is right.
Unbelievable. I'll second what your parents (and every PP in this thread) have said. He doesn't deserve you...what he did was so wrong. It was just a few days ago so I'm sure you will hear from him soon, though. Maybe begging for forgiveness for acting like such a jackass. His sister sounds like a major bitch, too.
I am sorry , but i have to agree with your family, if he can leave you after what you went through then he is not the caring man you thought he was.
firstly , he put his sisters feelings first, ok i am not saying that he shouldnt be concerned about her feelings, that you got engaged first, but thats not YOUR fault! and why should you have to keep quiet about your happiness because of her? he put her first then, and kept putting her first. how old is she? 5 ? he was also on her side about moving the dates, she hadnt got a date booked and you had.....I'm sorry but i wouldnt have moved the date......spolit little brat needs a bitch slap by the sound of it.
and shouldnt he have spoken to her about her rudeness to you? yawning and sighing whenever you tried to speak to her. he spoke to you....about not upsetting her, so he then should have spoken to her by saying...''i'm sorry you have not got engaged yet, but can you please be happy for us?' did he say anything like that to her? if he didnt then WHY did you have to have that speech from him about HER feelings?
the dress situation...do you think she knew about your dress and purposely copied? there is no way that you can prove that, but keep your eye on her , she is a sly fox.
about the Cat.....i know only too well the upset that losing a beloved pet can bring. i have a 13 year old GSD and i KNOW that he will not be with us much longer, and i get upset at the thought of losing him, god knows how its gonna affect me when i actually DO lose him. i have lost pets before and i just cannot function, i cry, i cant eat or sleep.
your FI needs to get his priorities straight and fight your corner, but maybe a little part of you stayed away from the wedding, because it was easier?
one things for sure now though, if the wedding is back on, you COULD wear the dress, cos you didnt actually SEE her wedding dress did you? so you couldnt be copying.
if all of her family are not speaking to you, including FI, what does that say about them? dont let them gang up on you, and if your wedding plans are back on, then dont let them bully you. you need to get FI on YOUR side before the wedding, or the marraige will suffer, because if allowed to, his family will always come first.
He sounds likea wonderful son and brother, but not really great husband materiel. What if you became pregnant first? will these battles always have to be fought, but you knuckle under for the sake of peace?
Your FI doesnt deserve you, he deserves someone like his sister. how can somone who SUPPOSED to love you kickyou while you're down?
+1 (well + 2 now I guess)
Can I be bold and say that how CREEPY I find his relationship with his sister? Ick! And that dude needs to grow some balls.
I am MUCH more sorry to hear about the loss of your cat that I was even for a nano second about your FI.
He sounds like a turd. And really... do you want to be married to a guy whose creepy connection would probably cause issues like this for the rest of your life? Whats next, are you going to hide your belly if you get preggers before her? His sister sounds like a petulant little asshole.
I think that you and your FI both overreacted. But I also think you should have gone to FSIL's wedding. I totally get how attached you can be to a pet and that it's not "just a pet" but at the same time, this is a huge event for your FI and his family and given the tension, looks really bad for you not to show up at the last minute.
First off...I'm really sorry all of this has happened to you.
I do have to say that with the issues you already had with the FSIL , not going to the wedding was probably considered a huge disrespect to her and probably his family. Not saying that's right but most likely that's why he's so pissed.
However, him calling off your wedding because he is so worried about making sure his sister is happy over you being happy is him doing you a favor. He should have been defending you to them and standing by your side. You are likely better off.
Good Luck.
Ijustrockout said, "it seems to me that htere has been a HUGE amount of over-reacting on both your parts."
^^ This.
I don't think he broke it off because of one particular incident like your missing the wedding, the bizarre thing about the dress, or anything like that. He probably just exploded after being in the middle of so much drama. Give yourselves some time to calm down and think of all this with a cool head.
I'm sorry about your cat. I know how difficult it is to lose a pet that's been part of one's life for many years.
Ijustrockout said, "it seems to me that htere has been a HUGE amount of over-reacting on both your parts."
^^ This.
I don't think he broke it off because of one particular incident like your missing the wedding, the bizarre thing about the dress, or anything like that. He probably just exploded after being in the middle of so much drama. Give yourselves some time to calm down and think of all this with a cool head.
I'm sorry about your cat. I know how difficult it is to lose a pet that's been part of one's life for many years.
I can't imagine how hurt you must be feeling right now. Unfortunately, if your FI can walk away that easily, then maybe he isn't the guy for you. I would be devastated if my SO couldn't stick up for me to his family. It sounds like you have been put in a second place position to his family, when as his future wife that shouldn't be the case.
@Kristen0128: I am so sorry for the loss of your cat, and I am so sorry that your FI is such a douchebag. I totally agree with your family 100%
You totally and completely deserve someone who will put you first; its insane how much he has catered to his sister's ego, and how much he cares little for your feelings. Be grateful his douchery was shown now, instead of later.
Also, lean on your family- they love you, respect you and want to be there for you- all the qualities your fiance is lacking.
Ugg I wouldn't even give him time to cool down. I wouldn't want someone with no spine back to be honest, but that is just me. I am a bit of a hard ass. *shrugs*
I'm so sorry you are going through this! I agree with PP - how can you be happy with someone who constantly puts his sister's needs over yours? If you have to marry someone, you have to be each other's #1. Maybe asking you to tone down the wedding talk around his family is reasonable. But waiting to propose so you can be on HER schedule? Pushing your own wedding back by a YEAR to accommodate her when she doesn't even end up booking the date you freed up for her? Standing by while she repeatedly treats you rudely when you send her gifts and try to a be a friend to her?
It seems like staying with your ex-FI would have meant having a 3rd person in your relationship. And if she is so sensitive about weddings, what about the rest of your lives? Are you not allowed to take nicer vacations? To buy a house first? To have a baby first? It's just preposterous to me that he is so focused on keeping his sister happy at the expense of the two of you being happy.
I noticed a couple of PP mentioning that you were both overreacting. Please don't let anyone convince you that this is your fault. And if you do end up getting back together with him, don't do it unless he is ready to have a normal relationship with 2 people in it, not 3.
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