- 4 years ago
- Wedding: December 2011
He is more like my little brother and I have no idea how to support them. Our family is really close and this just kind of throws us all. If it was with a less psycho girl it would be less of a mess but she is just kind of a train wreck. My cousin has a white knight complex and always finds girls that need saving. It isnt really her fault, the life she has hasnt made anything easy for her and now it is just worse. She lived with her aunt and uncle and their 31 cats. But they kicked her out when she found out she was pregnant. Her dad is a deadbeat, and his new wife (#7) doesnt like the daughter so she cant go back there, her mom gave up her rrights years ago when she picked her abusive bf over her kid and the grandma lives in a retirement home. It is so sad, when they kicked her out, this17 year old girl literally had one suitcase of stuff to her name. One. She is a damsel in distress but I still dont want my cousin to be the one to save her!
So now she is living with my aunt and uncle, 6-8 weeks pregnant with my cousin’s baby. it is so frustrating because my uncle tries so hard to be a cool dad and when my cousin got caught with his previous gf by her parents then sneaking out to see her, they didnt puttheir foot down or at least make the exspectation to be smart about sleeping around clear. And now his plan of a top tier universty to be an engineer (he has to be top 10% to even has a chance of getting in) is kind of shot to hell. They both have two years of high school left, let alone university. And my baby cousin is a 13 year old with severe autism who is 5’10”, add a flighty, unstable teenge girl and a newborn and there is some kind of accident waiting to happen.
The big sister in me is ready to murder him for being so so stupid, it apparently happened in fifteen minutes at his house while my aunt was in the shower and my uncle was helping the other son get ready for bed. Fifteen minutes has totally ruined the plan for his life. And the other part in me is incredibly mad that after all the judgement my uncle gave my parents for being so horrible and harsh (two daughters with college degrees, post grad work, and happily married to awesome men) he is totally blown away at the idea letting his son run amuck made him a grandpa at 40. Then there is also the stupid petty part of me that I know is irrational but I still feel that it was supposed to be me with the first great grand baby (my older sister and her hubby are 98% sure they are cbc and the next cousin has no desire for kids or a serious relationship for years) and it was supposed to be a happy thing, not “well crap”.
I just dont know how to react or what to say or do. I am so happy abortion is not an option for this girl, it would rip my cousin apart and because he is the guy and they arent (and dont plan) to get married, he has zero say. But if she doesnt raise the baby she wants a closed adoption. So the choice is my irresponsible, impulsive 16 cousin is a dad and stuck with this girl all of us hoped was a fling, or he has a kid he never gets to know. My aunt and uncle thought about raising the child as theirs (her family will have absolutly nothing to do with her or the baby) but that is so super healthy for a kid, “surprise, big brother is actually your daddy!”. The other bad thing is just this girls personality is such that, it wouldnt be inconceivable for her to want to raise her kid, then decide in a few years it is hard and leave. Blahh.
I dont know what I want, prayers the best choice for them can be made, they are going to a doc monday since she hasnt had any prenatal care yet and going from there. The major issue is my cousin wants to be involved and most of the services are for teen moms with no one else involved. There is a group home locally that can help them get counseling, not keep her living in their house and get her through HS and an associates degree if they choose that, but I am afraid my uncle is too proud to admit they cant handle this all on their own.
I really want to support him, even if I think he is an idiot and this girl is nuts, he is still my “brother” and I love him. But I dont know what to do. I guess a lot of it depends on what they decide to do. Right now, I am knitting a baby blanket. Blah. It is keeping me from going to throttle him.