Post # 1
Three years ago my dad starting dating this 28 year old woman he met in a bar (I am 24). She moved in shortly after. When she was sober, she would not even say hello when she walked by me. When she was drunk, she was very, very nasty. She would pour out all my shampoo, conditioner, tampons. She would throw my laundry on the floor when she had to do hers. She would smoke right next to the basement door while I was running on the treadmill. She would hiss at my 2 cats and she tried kicking my brothers dog. She would do things in spite. Very very nasty. I told my dad about what she would do and when he confronted her she would deny it. I would ask her nicely (when she was SOBER) if she would stop doing these things. What really pissed me off was that she would try to tell my dad things to get him mad at me. She told my dad I stole her makeup in the bathroom (it was a lie) and as he was screaming at me, I saw her out of the corner of my eye and she was smiling. After that I really really hated her. She is very very jealous of other women and even his own daughter….. which makes me kinda sick.
I tolerated these things for monthsl…….My breaking point, however, came one day when I got home from work. She had been outside drinking all day (she was unemployed) and she was talking to my neighbor. I was already stressed out because of the things she had been doing that got me angry from days before. Anyway- I walked passed the 2 of them and I said hello to my neighbor, and as I opened my front door I heard her mumble that I was a bitch and she start giggling. I went up to her and told her she was a drunken white trash whore who dates older men because her real daddy doesn’t give a shit about her. I told her she was disgusting looking and had greasy hair, etc. The list was endless. I don’t even remember what else I said because I literally saw RED at that point. I was so angry I felt my heart POUNDING. My neighbor actually ran inside her house during this, i don’t know whether it was because she was mortified or because she was afraid something was going to happen. Anyway when I was done ranting I walked inside my house. The second my dad came home from work I heard her being all dramatic about what I just said to her. He comes in screaming at me and she was standing right behind him with a drunken smirk on her face. I was thinking in my head that she is so mentally screwed up it makes me sick. I told my dad what she called me and then HE started yelling at HER for the FIRST TIME. This shocked her that he was taking my side for once. She went NUTS. She said things to him like “SHE RUNS THIS GOD DAMN HOUSE, YOU MIGHT AS WELL START F****ING HER. SHE IS A C**T.” Disgusting much? I think so… So then I said to my dad if she doesn’t move out then I will. I was so disgusted at her and HIM for dating someone this pathetic. I just thought to myself what a sad excuse for a human being she is and I called her white trash as I slammed my bedroom door.
After that day she moved out because she must have realized it was not such a great idea to live in the same house as me. So I was happy!, yet sad at the same time that my dad knows she did things to spite me and still let it go on. Anyway- A year goes by and they are not dating or living togetherand I tell my dad that I will be moving in with my SO when we find a house. He started dating her again after this info. I was fine with it because in my mind it wouldn’t matter to me because I will be moved out anyway. The week after I move out he calls me to tell me he is engaged. I was disgusted. All I said to him was “What are you thinking…..” and “whatever makes you happy.” I didn’t want to start some huge thing because A) I do not live with him anymore, B) he helped SO & I a lot with the new house with renovating and fixing it up. C) I just want him to be happy.
It is still really bothering me. God forbid I try to visit my dad she is always up his ass and always around. I can’t stand the mere sight of her. Now that they are engaged….. it bothers me even more. Any advice on how to deal with this?
Post # 3
@Stranger516: Wow. What a horrific, horiffic woman, I’m sorry you have to deal with that. If I were you, I’d try and make sure you see only your dad alone without the mega bitch. I don’t know how you’d feel about boycotting the wedding, but considering how awful she is, I’d probably do that too.
Post # 4
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said you want him to be happy. There is nothing you can do. I don’t even know whether it is a good idea to ask whether they’re getting a pre-nup. The one thing you can do though is try and behave in a way that makes your dad what how normal women of your (and his fiancee’s) age behave 🙂
Post # 5
- Wedding: April 2013 - A court...
Omg I felt enraged just reading this! I’m so sorry hopefully he comes to his senses before its too late.
Post # 6
@Stranger516: Holy crap. How the hell could anyone stand to be in a relationship with a horror like that?
Given how she is going out of her way to make your life crap when she’s around you, this essentially means you won’t have a relationship with your father for as long as he’s around. I would go ahead and let him know that. And given that he pretty much is already aware of this, and had still chosen this nasty harpy over you, he does not deserve a relationship with his daughter.
I would simply let him know that as long as he wants to destroy his own life and his relationship with you, he will not be seeing you.
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2014 - Mauritius
@Stranger516: that’s really terrible I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this situation. It sounds like she is just a horrid young women who as some serious issues. No job, sitting around drunk in the middle of the day and suggesting that your dad ‘may as well f**k you’ that is horrendous!!! I guess he knows what she is like and how you feel about this women, and he is doing it anyway so he will have to accept this and I doubt a women like this will treat him well and be faithful for the rest of their married life…
Post # 8
@Stranger516: I’m sorry you are going through this. I’m sort of in the same situation with my mom. Although I don’t talk to her anymore whatsoever, I literally cut her out of my life. Part if the reason was because of her bf. But I know we’ll eventually start talking again, years from now though, I don’t plan on having a relationship with her bf, if he’s still in the picture.
You have a few choices here. Maybe invite both your dad and his FI out for lunch or dinner and talk to them both about building a relationship. If you don’t mind getting to know her, then in front of your dad tell her you want to start clean and become friends or at least cordial. That way if she acts like a snotty brat, your dad is ther to witness her behavior.
Or like one pp mentioned only meet with your dad alone and avoid her as much as you can. This might suck for family gatherings and holidays though.
Unfortunaley, doesn’t sound like your dad will change his mind about her if you tell him you don’t approve of this engagement and even if he chooses you over her, he may resent you. He clearly doesn’t see what a bitch she really is. Just like my mom doesn’t see what an asshole and disrespectful her bf was to me. In her eyes, I was the rude one and he’s just so wonderful to her. I’m sure she’s a different person to your dad, maybe she does make him happy but it’s still not right to treat you the way she did.
My mom is still with her bf even though I cut all ties with her. Which is fine, as long as she’s happy. I don’t expect her to break up with him because of me, but just wanted her to realize how he was with me and how she was chosing her bf over me. I just don’t have to have her be apart of my life anymore, just the way she chose her bf over me in situations.
Good luck! Hope you can work this out where both you guys can be happy and comfortable with.
Post # 9
I don’t fancy being in your situation but i think you have no choice but to be the bigger person in this. I know she called you a bitch that day but you said a ton of horrible things to her too, basically you gave her ammunition against you.
Your Dad is a grown man capable of making his own decisions. I say you limit contact with her as much as possible but when you do speak with her be civil, pleasant and nice. She will have nothing against you and it will show that she is absolutely crazy.