Post # 1
My wedding is less than 2 months away! While we are busily planning all the details, my mother sits there like a big grump. Sure, she is happy I’m getting married (finally!), it’s just that since I was a little girl she has told me to elope! I suspect it’s because she’s highly antisocial and absolutely hates parties with a vengeance. Every time there’s a family gathering, she turns into a monster-totally grumpy! It’s been like this since I was little. I always remember my mother at gatherings, sitting there, quiet, looking grumpy, refusing to dance, just wanting to go home ASAP. I think its partly because she’s quite shy (this, according to my father, though she seems really chatty with people on the street and in shops!). What should I do to make this event not so stressful on her? I even told her that I don’t mind if she doesn’t come. At our venue, I showed her a little nook where she can go and hide if things get overwhelming.
I haven’t done any planning whatsoever with her, she just tells me that everything is a waste of money (and our budget is pretty minimal, we’re not having any bridal party, photographer, wedding cake even!) But she’s just not happy, because this event is happening at all.
What would you do??
Post # 3
@hikinggirl77: One of the hardest lessons in life is to accept that there are things we cannot control- and we cannot control other people’s actions, only our reactions…
I’m sorry you have to deal with this negativity from your mom, but the only thing you can do is find a way of dealing in the best way with her grumpy energy…
You can try to tell her how her actions/comments make you feel- but don’t have too much false hope that she will change as a result…If she doesn’t make the effort to be a little more positive after you tell her how you feel, then just do not include her in your planning and discussions about the wedding.
Let go of the expectations/hope for her to be different and try to surround yourself as much as possible with relatives and friends that are super positive and supportive. That will help!
Good luck to you. 🙂 I know what it’s like to deal with difficult family members…don’t let it ruin this beautiful time in your life.
Post # 4
My best advice would be to stop discussing the wedding with her altogether. Not in a mean way, but just to lower her overall “stress” level. If she brings it up, tell her what she wants to know, but downplay it. Don’t subject her to any more gatherings than you have to (showers, bach parties, dress fittings, etc.) Try to make your rehearsal dinner small and intimate (assuming you’re having one). The day of your wedding, spend one-on-one time with her and don’t expose her to people until absolutely necessary. Try to relax her if you can. Give her a nice glass of wine, tell her she looks beautiful, etc. At the wedding itself, don’t pressure her to do anything. Antisocial people don’t like to be pressured and don’t like having you bring attention to them. Don’t do the “COME ON MOM, COME DANCE!!” Finally, just keep telling her thank you and reminding her how much the day means to you! She might be complaining now, but as a mom she is not going to ruin your day and I bet that she makes an effort for you 🙂
Post # 5
I know exactly how you feel! My mom is acting the same way. While I understand the advice given by the other commenters, I feel bad not including my Mom, like she’ll be upset for me going to other people. She has said all along “I don’t care what you do; do what you want; bla bla,” but, when it came time for my dress shopping, she was upset because I invited my bridal party and two aunts – she wanted it to be just me, her and my dad! She’s so negative and noncommital (like you said – a grump), though, that I would honestly never want to go wedding shopping alone with her :/
So, my advice (basically how I’m handling this situation) is just to plan what I’m going to plan and understand that she will sometimes be upset. I’m lucky to have lots of people who are excited about this wedding, including my FH, Future Mother-In-Law, and lots of aunts. I’m sure that you have people like that too! 🙂