My aunt is in hospital and DH doesn't want to come and visit with me

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2400 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@coffeegal85:  Did your hubby have a recent death in the family or have a bad experience seeing a loved one in the hospital? I know after my cousin was in a car accident and seeing her on life support, I couldn’t walk into hospitals without anxiety attacks. I do think though he should make an effort.

Post # 4
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Sounds like hubby is being an immature jerk.  No one wants to have to go see someone in a hospital, but it’s what families do.  He needs to be a better partner to you.

Post # 5
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Does he know your aunt?  I mean, actually know her, not just sees her at random family events?  Does he have an aversion to hospitals? (I get extreme anxiety over it).  

I wouldn’t make my husband go with me to visit a dying relative, but he doesn’t really know my family (we live very far away from both sides, so we’re not close to either).  

Post # 6
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@figgnewton:  +1

This.  I think a lot of people have bad experiences in hospitals and then want to avoid them like the plague.  I can’t fault them there.

Post # 7
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

people are weird when it comes to hospitals, deaths, illness. if i were you, i’d go by myself. i would feel extremely uncomfortable visiting my husband’s dying aunt.

Post # 8
Member
2665 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I would ask him again and tell him all the stuff you told us and end with, it would mean so much  to me if you came. I need your support, please come , for me?” 

Works on my FH

Post # 9
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I have had close loved ones dying in hospitals and FH refuses to come. And that is fine. Don’t force him to go if he’s uncomfortable. Maybe if it were one of your parents or siblings last days, but other than that I wouldn’t make him. Some people just don’t like hospitals. 

Post # 10
Member
10494 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

Could you ask him to go with you to the hospital and he can hangout in a coffee shop or something?  He just might not feel comfortable visiting your aunt (or anyone) in the hospital.

Post # 13
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Everyone handles death and dying differently.  Some people handle it better than others.  For example, my BIL freaked out when their dog died.  Like absolutely lost it, and was inconsolable.  The reason was that the dog had many of the same conditions his mother did, they both had cataracts, arthritis, incontinence and were both slowly going into organ failure.  When he saw the dog die, he saw his mother dying and couldn’t deal with it.

Don’t drag him to the hospital with you.  Give him the opportunity to go, but don’t force it.  If this was one of his parents or close relatives, I’d say to kick his ass and make him go.  But she’s your relative, not his.  While it would be nice for him to visit and pay his respects before she passes, it’s not worth a meltdown to drag him. 

Post # 14
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@figgnewton:  +1. Everyone deals with crisis in a different way, and sometimes we can’t wrap our heads around the way that others do things. I hate hopsitals because I have very bad associations from childhood. I didn’t even like typing that sentence. Maybe this is the case for him? I’m not providing him with an excuse, merely trying to get you to see that there are three sides to every story (your side, his side, and the truth :P).

In all seriousness, your partner should make an effort to be there for you when you need him. That’s what having a partner is all about. It’s an emotional time, and you need him there with you (+ your security concerns, which is enough in and of itself). I would emphasize how important his support is to you without being demanding or trying to force him to do something he doesn’t want to do. If he still won’t, then all you can do is express disappointment in him, and say you expected more for someone who vowed to always be there for you.

Post # 15
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t get why he needs to go. Can he save your aunt?

Post # 16
Member
2973 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@coffeegal85:  Speaking from experience, I do not like going to hospitals especially when the patient is on their death bed. So I don’t blame your hubby for not wanting to go. He should to support you, but maybe death scares him just like it does a lot of people. 

@AB Bride:  I was thinking this too. 

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors