Weddingbee boards

I never thought that I would be someone who started with, "I'm a regular poster here but don't want to post this under my name." Alas, here I am and sorry it's so long. 

I had a total emotional breakdown the other day. I felt so bad for my FI because he really doesn't like seeing me cry. As we approach our wedding it's been getting a bit harder, emotionally. Obviously, we all know this can and most likely will happen, but I guess I didn't prepare for these blows. 

It all started when I lost a few members of my bridal party. I understood, but being down 2 girls against all of FI's local and committed boys, it stung. Since that point, our guest list has shrunk from 228 to 136. Yup, almost 50% can't make it. Guess who the majority of that belongs too, me. Almost all of FI's family and friends are coming, minus about 8. Everyone else belongs to me. Of course, most have legit reasons. But it doesn't stop it from hurting when your closest friends text or facebook you to tell you things like, "The office (congressman's office) has a mandatory retreat I can't get out of." Great, the gov. is waisting our tax dollars and kidnapping my brother (from another mother, of course). Like i said, most have legit excuses... but it doesn't stop from hurting when almost half your list can't come including the majority of your closest friends.

Then, this weekend it all hit the fan. My Bachelorette party. I knew I didn't have as many girl friends as FI has guy friends but this was just, embarrassing. 5 girls (including me) were there. There were about 10 others who didn't show. We went to a nice restaurant, which was nice but you couldn't be loud because it was so formal. No sash, tiara, or veil for me. Nothing to denote it was my night. After we went back to MY house (because the girl who was going to host at her place backed out) and I opened lingerie gifts from the 4 girls there. The end. It gets even better. 1 of the 4 I just met a few months ago and is the gf of a male friend of mine. 1 was an old roommate who is the busiest person I know but also the quietest and least "party" kind of person around. One is my new MOH (bless her, she did try and for that I'm so grateful, truly) and one was a friend who is a nurse and came late after a long shift and was tired and left not long after. Basically, I felt like the lowest priority ever. On top of that, our friends do a compliation video ever "season." Fall, Winter, Spring, and summer. EVERY other friend has a good LONG compilation of shenanigans and fun from the bachelor or bachelorette parties... There is literally only 1 image from my night that be used and no video.

My FI had over 30 guys at his LOCAL bachelor night. They rented out a movie theater and played his favorite movie while drinking and eating and having fun. Then, he had another one to NYC to see the Rangers/Islanders game preceded by a stop in Atlantic City. The past few weeks he's been on cloud 9 about how much fun he's had. Now, here's me. 

The day after my "bachelorette" party was our joint wedding shower. I REALLY had high expectations for this, if for nothing else to rescue my weekend. I had this cute dress I bought (about $136) specifically for this and that morning as we're getting ready for church FI puts on Kaki's and a brown polo and announces that he won't be changing before the party. I try and kindly explain that I need him just a notch better because of my dress and he's like, "No, the dress is sundresses for girls and kaki's and a polo for guys.

I lost it. I couldn't stop sobbing. After everything the night before and then my best friend (a dude) being sick and not making it to our shower, I just couldn't take any more.

Luckily, I did indeed have a good time. It was a decent turn out. A LOT of invited people didn't make it, but it wasn't a complete farce. FI did put on a button down as well. It didn't help though that half the guests at our shower didn't even bring gifts. I get the whole "don't expect a gift" thing, but isn't the point of the shower to "shower the bride (and groom) with gifts?" Bottom line, I would have been more crushed if those who didnt bring gifts didn't come either and for that I am indeed grateful.

Now, He feels so bad. He KNOWS how much better it's going for him than me and feels so awful that so many of my family and friends can't come or didn't show. Part of me also feels so bummed that I didn't get to do what I thought we were doing, Going to a wine bar and socializing where I would get to wear the classic party veil and sash. I can't even describe how much I love my FI right now because of all this. I can see how much it's eating him up inside though I don't want it too and I've been trying so hard to keep everything to myself but it all just kind of came out this weekend.

I'm sure our wedding will be perfect. I can't wait. And all this drama has made me fall in love even more with my FI. I just really needed to vent. I've tried so hard to be laid back and just let everything flow and happen as it will but I guess the JENGA tower just lost it's final log and came tumbling down this weekend. I spent i don't know how long finding JUST the right dress for each event. Finding just the right accessories.  

Please, someone tell me that it's OK that almost 50% of our list isn't coming and that I'm not the only one with that average :-( 

Would it be awful for me to take things into my own hand and invite all my bridesmaids (who will then be in town) and all the girls to go out after the rehearsal dinner? And would it be horrible if I got my own stupid sash? It seems so petty so why is this so upsetting?

I feel like I need to explain further.

Yes, quality over quantity (though lots of "quality" will be missing.) Yes, I get that there is "more to it" than people, numbers, events, and sashes. No, I would not be the kind to want any sort of "anatomy" added to me, however there is a huge difference between wearing a veil and wearing one adorned with condoms or other imho tacky things. Seeing as how everyone else in our circle did, I had no reason to believe mine would be different.

Do I suck it up and move on. Sure. But that's also probably why i just couldn't contain it anymore. 

@CorgiTales: of course I know it's "silly" for something like a shirt to cause me to break down. But, when you do "suck it up" for so long and thing after thing goes wrong guess what, it can happen at the most inopportune time. I truly hope you never have a string of bad events happen to you and then something small set you off and be labeled as "silly." It's not usually large things that finally break people. I had just been telling myself that it would be OK, and that everything would be great today... when I got a text from a close friend saying they couldn't come and then FI pulled the shirt thing. So really, how "silly" is it?

@Lisa1783: Thank you. I would love to not do it on the night before except all my girls fly in the day of the rehearsal.

And thank you to everyone else for the support. I really needed to vent. 

@bells: You have everything completely wrong. I would NEVER wish my FI had a "bad time" and I know he had a blast! That's horrible for you to insinuate that, nothing I said alluded to that. 

"I think he is just easier to please than you are"

Wow. Who are you? How in what I said did you get that I was hard to please? I had 75% of my girls no-show my bachelorette party and 50% of my guest list decline. How is that being hard to please that I'm sad about that?

"I dont think its right to make him feel guilty since he is having a good time" 

I am not making him feel "guilty." At the most he's sad that he's having such a good time and knows that things aren't working out on my side. He knows that it's not "my" fault or his fault. He had to convince me to even tell him that I had indeed been crying and why. But how dare you tell me that I wish he had a bad time and that I'm just hard to please. 

@Lisa1783: Thank you for getting it right.

wow sounds like your emotions got the best of you and for good reason yes a wedding for any1 is a grand thing so I'm sorry things that you envisioned didn't go as planned for your bachelorette party and yes that was your day to shine and your friends should have made a big fuss over you hope everything else went great i myself am learning that their is always drama when it comes to a wedding sometimes friends get a lil jealous it's sad but true i have a friend that we shared ups and downs for over 10 years (17yrs exactly) i asked her to be a bridesmaid and her answer to me was well I'm not sure if i have the money WOW what a slap in my face since i knew it was a big fat lie yes times are hard i am aware but i gave her a year in advance notice she agreed now that were down to about 8months she said she doesn't have the money. you wonder how i know its a lie well i called her and she wasn't responding to my calls so i left a message on her cell 1 day i said a certain some1 was interested in dating her and she called back within 10 mins said oh he wants to take me out i have to go shopping for a dress and shoes i wanna look good now she has expensive taste so knowing her she will buy a dress ranging from $100-200 and shoes may cost the same the real reason she doesn't want to be in my wedding is she is single and doesn't want to share my joy this hurts and it hurts bad so now I'm backtracking my thoughts was or is she a friend was she ever or was it because i always gave such good advice that kept me as a friend very annoying to think about because if the shoe was on the other foot i would have just done what i had to do to be there for her mind you the bridesmaid dress is $145 the shoes are $40 i was gonna supply the jewelry this has now changed the way i look her i know people may read this and say it happens sometimes people have melt downs like that which is true for a selfish person but friendships are hard to find then i second guess myself and say maybe i'm being too self centered i don't know but 1 thing i know 4 sure she changed our friendship 4ever.