(Closed) My bachelorette was a complete failure

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m sooo sorry that you feel so down right now!  I definitely know the feeling of just expecting more and being disappointed because you just …don’t feel as important.  The morning of my wedding, I ended up being alone for almost all of it and I almost started crying at the beauty salon because I had no one while another bride had her entire entourage her just fawning over her.

I know it’s hard to stop focusing on all the negatives and, for now, I say just feel sad for another day or two but then you should just start focusing on the big day – you’re getting married!  And believe me, when you have to pay the final venue bill, you’ll be SO happy you’re guest list is smaller.  The focus on the wedding day will be you and your groom and everyone is going to be so happy for you – even his side of family and friends.  You’ll end up mingling with his friends and family and he’ll mingle with yours and you’ll just dance with everyone.  At the end of the night, it won’t matter whose side came and whose didn’t – you’ll be so blissfully overjoyed and overwhelmed by everything.

As for making up for your bachlorette party, I say, go ahead and have another night out!  If possible, I would suggest any night except the night before you get married.  Even if it’s two nights before, then go ahead!  Have a blast!  It’s your time and the people who show up will definitely be there for you.  Good luck!

 

Post # 4
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m sorry you’re having so many things go in a way that you’re not happy with.  I think weddings, and pre-weddingness times, really bring out the need to feel special, and acknowledged as special.  I think kind of like birthdays, it feels like a time to be the center of attention in a positive way, and have that feeling reflected by those you’re close with.  And it sounds like your envisioning of that didn’t work the way you were hoping…no wonder you feel so dissapointed!

Though I’m still far from our wedding date, I do know the dissapointment feeling of having fun plans and having them be much different than you planned.  So your feelings are totally normal.  And I’m so glad your fiance is there to support you…during blah times, I think it’s SOOOO important to have your significant other there emotionally. 

I think with everything coming up…I think your wedding will be super awesome, because the people who are coming will be people who are great and care enough to be there.  And they’ll help fill the day with love.  And, in regards to doing another girls night out…if that’s what feels good, then definitely go for it!  No reason that you can’t create the fun times too.  🙂

I hope that things start going in a direction that helps you feel better.  And I’d say as much as possible, try to focus on the happy things to look forward to.  (Not to disregard your sad feelings, though I know how much those can bog me down.  So try to allow for a balance at least 🙂 ).

Post # 5
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Definitely have another party!  And now you know what a good friend your new MOH is!  Sometimes it takes a bad event to make us realize our true friends -and you do have wonderful friends who love you!

And your wedding is really about you and your FI.  Thats it.  Everything else is just frosting on the cake.  I agree with Lisa1783- the smaller your guest list, the cheaper the venue, and the more money you can pump into a fabulous honeymoon!

Post # 6
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’m somewhat hesitant to post because I’m generally in the “if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all” camp… but the thing I love most about my MOH is that she’s brutally honest with me and sometimes I do think honesty is the best policy… so here it goes: 

You kind of need to suck it up and get over this. Getting married is about getting married. It is not about your friends fawning all over you. It isn’t about a sash and penis straws. It isn’t about the bachelorette. It isn’t about the shower. It’s about getting to spend the rest of your life with the person that you think is so awesome you can’t even believe he wants to spend the rest of his life with YOU! 

Here is what I heard from your post: 

1) A lot of your friends can’t make it for totally legit reasons– that sucks but you acknowledge that they have good reasons. It isn’t like you’re being ignored, it is just a bad situation. 

2) Your friends that were around did their best to throw you a bachelorette and lingerie shower

3) Your fiance is awesomely supportive even when you’re having a minor meltdown over a polo vs. button down shirt (which in retrospect you have to realize was a wee bit silly, right?)

 

You sound like a very lucky girl who even HAS that many friends to invite, and a really sweet guy. Focus on the marriage. Forget about all the other crap. 

Post # 7
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Oh honey, I totally understand!  I just blew up at my fiance tonight about his bachelor party.  My girls are all around within a few hours, but haven’t even thought about my bachelorette party, which hurt my feelings.  My fiance has done nothing for our wedding yet but he’s already booked his bachelor weekend to phoenix arizona (we live in wisconsin) and his friends are all going.  I feel mad that he hasn’t helped but yet he had time to plan this, i’m angry that i’ve spent so much money on the wedding and he’s spending his on the bachelor party and i’m frustrated that my friends don’t seem to care about my bacholorette party.  You have every right to be hurt.  I’m glad for you that your fiance is being so supportive.  I say go out after the rehersal, invite everyone you want and buy yourself that sash and tiara.  You deserve it and no one will have to knoow you bought it for yourself.  Then have some drinks and have fun!

Post # 8
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

@CorgiTales: I agree 100% with everything you said!

Also, about the veil/sash thing.  They may not have been neglecting you in not getting your a veil or sash.  I know that I personally would have been mortified if my friends got me a veil, sash, penis straw or anything else to draw attention to me at my bachellorette party.  Most of my friends aren’t into that either and, while I’ve put a lot of effort into their bachelorette parties, I haven’t included those elements because I’ve tried to be respectful of them.  Your friends may be not into that either and it may simply have not occured to them that you would have wanted that.  There is nothing wrong with veils or sashes, just some of us wouldn’t think to provide them for a bachelorette party because we can’t relate to wanting them.

Post # 9
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

@WoeAmI:

I am so sorry that you are hurting. We all have a fairy tale planned for our special moments. I am sure you will have a beautiful wedding regardless of the number of guests. Always remember that quantity of friends is much less important then quality of friends! Keep smiling and hold your head high, after all it sounds like you have a very loving man and that is the most important friend ever!

Wink

Post # 10
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

i’m sorry to hear how sad you are so close to your wedding  but I must say it seems as though you would feel better if you FI also didnt enjoy his bach party? And from the sound of it his bach party was just movie, food and drinks which isnt really the most exciting bach party ever. I think he is just easier to please than you are. In addition even though He may have more friends that are active in the wedding that is not always better, its not always about having more people.  I do understand that you had certain expectations for how things would go down, but you should try not to let all the little things get you down. I dont think its right to make him feel guilty since he is having a good time. You will always remember the time leading up to your wedding, and when you look back at this 10 years from now, you will wonder why you didnt relax and just go with the flow.

Post # 11
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t think she’s feeling upset ONLY from the veil and bachelorette party, I think it’s the culmination of having most of her guests not coming to the wedding.  I know for my own wedding, I only had a handful of people decline but I was genuinely sad and disappointed about each “no” even though I knew that they had legitimate reasons.  When you have half the people you genuinely want to be at your wedding, each subsequent “no” just feels worse and worse.  

Having a wedding is a stressful process at times and emotions can get the best of anyone.  I feel like sometimes having a little empathy would be nice.

Post # 14
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Don’t worry, my bachelorette wasn’t all I dreamed of either. It was pretty much a HUGE disaster start to finish. No one planned anything despite talking about planning it for 9 months, and then my sister (MOH) and I figured out 5 days before that nothing was planned since neither of us knew anything about it. I then realized none of my other friends outside of the wedding party had been invited because if MOH and I knew no details, clearly no one else did either. It was all thrown together totally last minute by my sister/MOH and was completely a party about what everyone else liked to do rather than what I like to do other than going for mani/pedis, but who doesn’t like that anyways?! I specifically asked for no sexual stuff and one of my BM planned two sexually explicit games that I was really uncomfortable with. Oh man. It was terrible. One of my BM actually cried when I initially talked to her about the whole schmoozle and told her that they had hurt my feelings by not bothering to plan anything saying that she was under so much stress and that I was an awful person for being hurt. I still can’t figure that one out. Stress yes, me being terrible for wanting a fun party, no.

AND much like you, DH had an AWESOME bachelor party. He went to the Bahamas for a week with his guys. A WEEK!!!! IN THE BAHAMAS!!!! So pout and cry no fair because I certainly did! LOL!

I totally know what you’re going through. Just trust me when I say it feels crappy now, but it’ll fall into the background later. I don’t think I’ll ever really totally let it go because it hurts when friends let you down whether it’s for a bachelorette or your birthday or anything else. When you count on someone who says they’re committed to doing something special for you and then they just don’t…. Ugh. That sucks. Plain and simple. I feel you.

I’m glad you came here to vent. I did the same thing after my party. PM me if you need to gripe more, I’m totally with you!!! LOL! ((HUGS))

Post # 15
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think you should def. go out w/your girl friends after the rehearsal dinner. I would tell them exactly what you want, if you want them to get you a little veil or sash or whatever, tell them. It sounds like you have a very clear picture in your head what you want, so tell them or tell your MOH whoever. Make sure it doesn’t come out like a bachelorette party re-do  because you’re going to hurt the feelings of the four friends that did try to throw the first one.

 

Also in response to some of the previous posts…

I understand you there are lots of emotions that come into play when planning your wedding. I understand that many of them are compounding as it gets closer and things aren’t going as you envisioned. I think what some of the other bees may have been trying to say is don’t lose focus on what really matters, the marriage of you and fiance. Even if you two are the only ones there, and nothing goes as planned, it’s you and your FI that matter, and the happiness you share together. So when things are overwhelming and you think you just don’t want to do anymore, and you just want to cry, take a deep breath, imagine saying your vows and your FH saying them to you, and smile. That’s what it’s all about.

Post # 16
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

wow sounds like your emotions got the best of you and for good reason yes a wedding for any1 is a grand thing so I’m sorry things that you envisioned didn’t go as planned for your bachelorette party and yes that was your day to shine and your friends should have made a big fuss over you hope everything else went great i myself am learning that their is always drama when it comes to a wedding sometimes friends get a lil jealous it’s sad but true i have a friend that we shared ups and downs for over 10 years (17yrs exactly) i asked her to be a bridesmaid and her answer to me was well I’m not sure if i have the money WOW what a slap in my face since i knew it was a big fat lie yes times are hard i am aware but i gave her a year in advance notice she agreed now that were down to about 8months she said she doesn’t have the money. you wonder how i know its a lie well i called her and she wasn’t responding to my calls so i left a message on her cell 1 day i said a certain some1 was interested in dating her and she called back within 10 mins said oh he wants to take me out i have to go shopping for a dress and shoes i wanna look good now she has expensive taste so knowing her she will buy a dress ranging from $100-200 and shoes may cost the same the real reason she doesn’t want to be in my wedding is she is single and doesn’t want to share my joy this hurts and it hurts bad so now I’m backtracking my thoughts was or is she a friend was she ever or was it because i always gave such good advice that kept me as a friend very annoying to think about because if the shoe was on the other foot i would have just done what i had to do to be there for her mind you the bridesmaid dress is $145 the shoes are $40 i was gonna supply the jewelry this has now changed the way i look her i know people may read this and say it happens sometimes people have melt downs like that which is true for a selfish person but friendships are hard to find then i second guess myself and say maybe i’m being too self centered i don’t know but 1 thing i know 4 sure she changed our friendship 4ever.

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