- 8 years ago
I’ve decided to finally introduce myself properly to the waiting board and give you my background story, sorry if it’s a bit long!
I’ve been dating my bf for nearly 2 and half years now and but we moved in together after only 3 months of dating. I suppose I’ve been waiting for about a year and a half now. We are both in our early/mid twenties but I don’t want to go into that too much because I don’t think age really comes in to this. Most of my friends are older than me and I feel that I have achieved a lot more than most people my age and have always done things 3 or 4 years before my peers. I left home at 18 and have supported myself since then. I never thought I would want to get married before my late 20s early 30s but when you meet the right man you just “know”, don’t you?
We met at work and decided to move in together so soon because we were spending so much time together anyway and he was living with flatmates he didn’t really like. Everything went very fast and after 6 months he took me to our favourite park, told me how much I had changed his life and how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and gave me a beautiful amethyst halo ring. I was so so happy but for a few seconds I was slightly confused as to if he had asked me to marry him or not (!!) so I asked him which finger I should wear it on and he said ‘whichever you want’ so I put it on my right hand and viewed it as a promise ring. A few days later I told him again how much I loved the ring and he said ‘One day I’ll get you an even better ring’… The next few months we spoke of marriage more and more. He asked me to tell him what sort of rings I liked and to find out how much it would cost to get married at my dream venue. He even told his best friend to save a ‘weekend off work in a couple of years’. During that time I was working as an events manager and got a job planning a wedding fair for a restaurant I worked for. This meant I spent a lot of time visiting vendors and going to cake tastings etc which meant I got wedding brain very badly! This was all during the summer of 2008.
I had always planned to return to college in September in 2008 and he had supported me and helped me to achieve this dream. But after the summer he suddenly stopped mentioning weddings. Our 1st year anniversary was in November and I started thinking that maybe he would propose then and had stopped talking about it so that I would be surprised! Well he didn’t propose then or at Christmas, valentines or our 1 and a half year anniversary. My birthday is in June and I was really hoping it would be then. By this point I had moved from being quite relaxed about getting married to quite anxious about where the relationship was going. We had booked a table at my favourite, very romantic restaurant but when I asked what he was wearing he said just a ‘t-shirt and jeans’ and managed to forget his wallet! I started talking about our friends who had gotten married recently and suddenly he said ‘I’m far too young to be married!’.
After that I just decided to stop talking about weddings and our future and he did start to become a lot more attentive but eventually I started thinking about out 2 year anniversary coming up and couldn’t help myself talking about it!
He decided to return to his studies in September this year to follow his passion and when we spoke about marriage again he said that he didn’t want to get married until he was settled down. I COMPLETELY understand that but I also told him that although his circumstances had changed, mine hadn’t because I always planned to go back to college (he hadn’t) and I had made it very clear that I wanted a long engagement (so we could get engaged now and then get married when we both graduate). I suppose I want a mental ‘commitment’ more than an engagement if he feels he can’t afford one right now.
Since reading Mr Bee’s plan I have not brought anything up about weddings at all and last night I went out with some girlfriends. I realised that we have perhaps become a bit too ‘involved’ in our relationship. I live in a different part of town from my college friends and since I am the only one in a relationship we hardly hang out except at college. He has one best friend but they don’t see each other that much so we spend every evening together and then at the weekend he works. So last night I went out and had a great time with friends and I could see he felt a bit strange about me going out without him. I got home late and went to check my email on his computer (it’s in the living room and I occasionally use it if I’m in that room). I saw he had left a page with wedding dresses up on the internet… I was happy at first but slightly confused as to why he was looking up wedding dresses and not rings haha!
I have a few signs recently that something may be happening. He made himself a money savings box to put his tips from work in and put pictures on the sides of what he wanted to save for and I saw a picture of a ring in the corner! But I have so many ‘signs’ over the years that I refuse to have any hope… He also recently talked about selling two of his cameras to get some more money but I have no idea if that is to go towards a ring or not.
I guess all I can do now is continue waiting but I hate living this life in limbo and I’m scared it could go on for a few more years. I feel that I have given up my student life of parties for him (he hates clubbing) and although I’m very happy to spend my evenings in cooking/watching a movie with him, I’m not happy that he can’t make his mind up about me after living together for two years. He originally brought marriage up and was really pushing the idea but now I feel that I have turned into the stereotypical girl desperate for a proposal… If you have got this far, WELL DONE (sorry it was so long) If you can -Please help! Mr bee if you’re reading I would love your input too…