(Closed) my "best" friend a bridesmaid? (coles notes at the end)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Generally speaking, anyone who introduces that kind of drama to your life probably shouldn’t be given the title of best friend and probably shouldn’t be in your wedding party. It’s not because she brings drama with her—- I think we all have at least one friend who is their own little hurricane— it’s because of the negative emotions and animosity that come out of her drama.  If she’s a handful now, and doesn’t support your relationship, and won’t keep her comments to herself already, she’s not going to magically change into a lovely low-maintenance person just because she’s a bridesmaid.

If you’re worried about her feelings, or want to include her out of loyalty, I’d give her a reading. It’s an important role and one where she can still feel included, but in the grand scheme of things it’s not as much work, expense or interaction as a bridesmaid. I’d also plan for a second reader, just in case she flips her lid and refuses, or if she gets flaky over time. Much easier to go from 2 readers to 1 than it is to start all over with a brand new reader.

Post # 4
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Seashells yeah… I think almost everybody has a friend like this.  That friend since grade school that if you met them today for the first time you wouldn’t choose again, but they seem to think you’re besties… I put mine in the bridal party and she was actually really good. She’s always been a fun girl, just not the friend you pour your heart out to (unless you just want to vent to someone who’s barely listening/will tell the world).  I dunno, I just came to accept our friendship for what it is over the years, and decided it was still bridesmaid worthy.  mines actually really organized and fun though so I didn’t worry that she’d “forget” anything or plan a crappy bachelorette or whatever. 

Post # 5
Member
646 posts
Busy bee

Fancy seeing you on a nonwaiting board 😉

I feel your pain. Someone I considered a BF for years has been the worst friend to me for the past several years. Finally 2 weeks ago, I had enough and broke up with her (I posted all about it in the relationship board if you wanted some background). Its hard to let go of a long standing friendship, no matter how much damage has been done.

I think you need to remember, this is YOUR wedding (!!!!). If you dont want her to be involved, then dont let any feelings of obligation sway you. Its doesnt sound like she has been there for you, and when it really comes down to it, shouldnt you be surrounding yourself with nothing but love and positive people during this time!! Its already going to be stressful with the planning and all…you shouldnt have to worry about a bridesmaid causing any extra grief.

 

Post # 6
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Are you maybe getting ahead of yourself?  You’re not even engaged and you’re stressing out about your bridal party.  Wait for the engagement, then if your friend is still acting like a horse’s @ss, then maybe repost for opinions.

Post # 7
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Nope, I wouldn’t put her in the bridal party.

Post # 8
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Don’t do it. It sounds like she’s really self centered, and trust me, by the time your wedding rolls around you’ll have no tolerance left for BS. Planning a wedding is hard enough as it is, don’t set yourself up for extra stress. It sucks, but it’s true. Maybe you could ask her to help with something else in your wedding? Something that if she flaked it would be ok?

Post # 9
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@fishbone:  that’s a great idea about her being a reader!

Post # 10
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I wouldn’t ask her. Your wedding day (and the whole planning process) is about happiness and love, and you should surround yourself with people who bring out those feelings in you. It can also be a stressful time, and you should try to go into with without other needless stresses weighing on you.

From your description, this sounds like a one-sided “friendship” where she basically uses you and you don’t get anything back.

I totally understand if you don’t want to be the “bad guy” and exclude her, but when it comes down to it, you owe it to yourself and your FI to be happy, calm and focused on getting married, not someone else’s dramas. Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This makes no sense to me.  She’s barely a friend, is selfish and immature and causes drama with SO’s BF.  Why would you even consider asking her to be in your party?  Choosing the people who will stand up beside you, support you and help you on your wedding day is a no-brainer.  Pick someone who genuinely has your back. 

The way I see it is this:  You will end up in a conflict with this woman either way.  Why not get it over with and have the conflict when she finds out she is not in your wedding party, rather than having it every step of the way in the wedding process.

I feel bad that you even have to wonder about this.  She isn’t a good friend.  You have plenty of reasons to choose someone else. 

The topic ‘my "best" friend a bridesmaid? (coles notes at the end)’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors