my best friend and his girlfriend…-___- (vent/long)

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1190 posts
Bumble bee

@elliptical2013:  I’m sorry you’re going through this. 

The only thing you guys can do is have a heart-to-heart talk with him and tell him how everyone feels about her; that it’s eventually going to be her vs his friends. He will have to choose.

I have been in a situation like your friend is, and I have had friends in situations like your friend as well. The only way you get them back, is when that toxic relationship dissolves.

I just hope your friend will wake up sooner than later and realize how she’s wrecking his life.

I’m sorry 🙁

Post # 5
9019 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@elliptical2013:  Men can become involved in abusive relationships just as much as women can.  Your friend is being abused.  The best you can do is let him know you’re there for him when he needs you.  I hope he’ll see the light and dump her!  Either way, he’s your friend and needs your support in the same way you’d support a female friend in an abusive relationship.  Provide an ear and a shoulder. 

Post # 6
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I have a story to tell of a friend of mine who dated a girl who came off somewhat similar…

From out perspective she was a straight up demon girlfriend. She’d try to control him, she’d tell him to stop talking about her to us, she’d call him when he came over all the time, she’d have a meltdown on him, threaten to breakup… the whole song and dance. We felt bad for him and always told him he had to leave her but he insisted it was fine.

Big shock to us one day. After they broke up the dirty laundry came out. It turns out he was very physically abusive towards her since early on in their relationship. He’d throw her around, choke her, shove her outside in the winter with no shoes to teach her a lesson… he would emotionally abuse her by telling her how much we hated her, he would just take off on her and come over to our house (the reason she’d call so much!) and he essentialy barely spent any time with her – she was pretty depressed. She’d threaten to leave him in hopes of opening his eyes but he just always gave in because he wanted to keep her.

It realy was a sick story that came out of it all, which was true as the police did investigate. The entire time we had no idea he would ever act like that towards her – we thought he was the victim in the relationship. I just shared this so you keep your eyes open and realize that she is likely not 100% of the issue here – he may have his fair share in this fiasco as well.

I am certainly not saying this is the case but it is never fair to accuse the one person of ruining him when you aren’t a fly on the wall in their home. Either way you need to encourage the relationship to end because no matter what it screams toxic relationship.

Post # 8
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@elliptical2013:  Again, we hadn’t the slightest notion anything like that was happening to that poor girl. Just looking at this situation I feel that they are both at least emotionally abusing eachother. Then once emotional abuse starts it easily escalates to physical abuse from at least one and then to both.

You could perhaps just tell him when he comes over that if it creating such a problem in his relationship by him hanging out with you that maybe you should see eachother a little less often – make it clear that there is a problem with what is going on. You could also always try reaching out to her and just seeing if you could talk to her – figure out what is going on because there could really be some misunderstandings from her and you guys.

Post # 10
2428 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Aww what a terrible situation. I have a guy best friend who I’ve known since I was 6 or 7 and I couldn’t help but imagine if it were my situation.

I would definitely talk with him, at least to get his perspective on the whole situation? You didn’t really mention how he feels about it other than the fact that you guys do still talk and hang out. Have you guys ever discussed it openly?

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