Post # 1
Hi everyone…So a little background; I’m 36, married and pregnant with my first due in May. My best friend in the whole wide world is also 36, single, beautiful, lovely house and a successful career. We’ve been best friends since grade 7.
We went out last night with another friend, and I noticed my best friend is very judgemental…about everything! I know she doesn’t like my husband (and I really don’t care) but while I was telling them about my husband and I trying to figure out diapers, names, and other baby related stuff I could see on her face she was judging him left right and center. She judged me when I mentioned that sometimes when I’m at work I drink Coca Cola or coffee is the morning demands it. She got all judgy pants on me because I’m pregnant. I explained that I don’t drink coke and coffee every day! But for some reason I’ve been craving coke…and some morinings I’m exhausted so I have a coffee. She said, all judgy…”Well, if you want a hyperactive baby then go for it!”….Ummm….excuse me? I didn’t want to pick a fight so I just let it go, but I don’t understand. A young couple came in, and she was talking to our other friend about them, and I couldn’t hear what she was saying but I could tell by her face and the way she was looking at them she wasn’t talking nicely about them.
I feel sad 🙁 I know we’re at different stages of our life right now, and maybe she is struggling with that. But I’ve never known her to be such an angry person. I don’t really know what to do, or what to say…Do I just accept that we’re growing apart? I really feel like we are 🙁
I don’t know where to put this…I think I put it under pregnancy because alot of the judgement came about my pregnancy…Sorry for the rant! I couldn’t tell my husband all about it because I’m positive some of the judgement was about him…and also he doesn’t know sometimes I sneak some coffee and coke into my diet at work hehehehe….But he has mentioned to me before that he senses she doesn’t like him and I’ve always defended her but I don’t think I can anymore… 🙁
Post # 3
@Songbird29: I think this part sums it up quite well:
“36, married and pregnant”
Post # 4
@Songbird29: Let her know that it’s not okay for her to criticize your husband, or how you’re handling your pregnancy. She’s neither married nor a parent, and even if she were, she wouldn’t have exactly the same marriage/husband/pregnancy/children that you do. Or just sarcastically say “Wow, I didn’t know you were a doctor/marriage counselor/expert on XYZ” every time she starts up with her negativitiy towards you. But definitely wait until she says something, and not when you see it on her face. If she just pulls a face, you can’t say for certain what she’s thinking.
If she keeps up with the negativity, then maybe she’s just not your best friend anymore.
Post # 5
She’s your best friend and you guys are in your mid-thirties.
There is zero reason why the two of you can’t actually talk about this. You should bring it up. I wouldn’t hesitate to say “Hey, you’re hurting me and I don’t understand why you’re being like this.”
Post # 6
@FleeSircus: + a million!
And I wouldn’t automatically jump on the “she’s 35+, single, and jealous” train either.
Post # 7
I think maybe you should try to talk to her. she shouldn’t be putting you down like that. she should be supporting you. I think she also might be a little envious of the whole happily married with a baby on the way.
Post # 8
You are pregnant, hormones. You may be taking everything offensively. You are both adults. Talk about it instead of getting mad. Sounds petty. Everyone is judgmental and is opinionated. If she isn’t experienced with pregnancy, as you are right now, then she has no reason to say anything AND you have no reason to get upset by her comments. Just shrug it off. Petty.
Post # 9
@flowercrowns: I jumped on that train because I am 37 and the majority of my friends are 34+ so I’ve seen plenty of envy (whether light hearted ‘I’m so jealous!!’ type stuff or actual negative envy because they are not in the same situation). Maybe she isn’t envious but I think it should be considered.
Post # 10
And sounds like a total bitch, which probably explains why she’s single.
Post # 11
I know I should talk to her…This is a problem I struggle with is that I don’t like to upset people and cause ripples, I’ve always been like this. And I’m not mad per say, just kind of sad I guess.
She’s never officially come out and said anything about my husband, which makes it very hard to address the issue. But I’ve known her so long and I know she doesn’t like him. And really it doesn’t matter, I don’t need to defend him to anyone but it just makes me sad that my best friend judges him. I don’t think she’s jealous either. She’d much rather wait for the right person to come along then settle…which I get the feeling she thinks I’ve done. I’ve talked to her about my husband before but she swears she has no ill feelings towards him..but I’m not so sure. I don’t bring it up anymore because I refuse to justify my husband…He’s perfect for me, and that’s all that matters.
I don’t know what I think. I do need to talk to her, maybe just go out her and I. There are three of us that are really great friends, but maybe I just need to spend time with her. I realize I’m an adult and should be able to hash things out, but this has always been a problem with me when people upset me. I’m a people pleaser…don’t like to rock the boat. Maybe she doesn’t even realize she is doing the things she’s doing?
@rickhurst35: I am pregnant and hormonal yes, but I don’t think how I’m feeling can be attributed to that. I came here just to vent, and maybe get some constructive advice on how to handle this as clearly I’m not doing a great job! I don’t think petty is the word I’d use for this issue. That word kind of rubs me the wrong way.
Post # 12
- Wedding: June 2014 - Excalibur
I wouldn’t say she’s jealous. Not everyone loves kids and yearns to be pregnant. She’s your friend, had an honest conversation with her!
Post # 13
Post # 14
@Songbird29: this is a bit off topic, but why the stress about coke or coffee? That’s outdated. You can have up to two hundred milligrams a day before negative effects kick in. I don’t recommend hitting 200 every day, but you could drink a small coffee literally every day if you want. I’d be a bit worried about the chemicals in coke Nd try to limit that, but don’t let other people bully you mahout your pregnancy, especially when you’re doing nothing wrong.
Post # 15
@Songbird29: You’re in a spot right now that can be really difficult. See if you can find a time to sit down and have a coffee with her.
As for the caffine/sugar when you’re pregnant, the occational one will not be the end of the world. Daily, probably a bad idea, sometimes, no biggie. As for emotions when pregnant, every trimester will be different. I was super touchy on the third one with both of my kids. However! Every one is different with this, and on top of that every pregnancy is different. Fun right?
Finally, is there a chance that you worry about loosing this friendship, which then affects the things you see around you?
Post # 16
Maybe she wants to talk about something other than the fact that you’re pregnant.