My "Best Friend" hasn't spoken to me since I got engaged

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Maybe she is going through something and hasnt told you because she doesnt want to ruin your time of excitement? OR…I dont like the jealousy crap that most women assume but maybe she does feel a way if her relationship isnt going so well? I know one of my good friends (she was a bridesmaid) had come out of an engagement at the same time I got engaged so she did ask me if I wouldnt talk about it for a while. It was weird at first but then I realized she was really going through a hard time. 

Post # 3
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

FutureMrs.Cammack:  If she runs hot/cold, I definitely wouldn’t depend on her at all.  Is she feeling jealous?  Has she been waiting for a proposal? Maybe she’s depressed?  Maybe you could stop by and see her in person? I hope she will share in your wedding day happiness with you.

Post # 6
7025 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You need to talk to her.

Maybe she doesn’t want to be in the bridal party. Maybe she does want to be in the bridal party and has somehow decided she hasn’t been asked yet so she’s assumed she’s not in. Maybe she’s upset over the lack of progress in her relationship.

Either way, you need to talk to her instead of rely on facebook and text, and find out what’s up. I know you’ve tried once, but I think you need to try again.

Lack of facebook response doesn’t mean she’ll bail on you if you ask her to be a bridesmaid. (And as you’ll hear over and over here, it’s not up to her to help plan the wedding, though obviously she should still be a supportive friend).

Post # 7
6666 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Deleting the comments/posts is just plain weird! If she was just distant or out of touch I wouldn’t think too much of it, but deleting is actively cutting you out!

Post # 8
2670 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer's Beach, Grand Cayman

A lot of people tend to fall out of your life when they feel like they can’t relate to you as much anymore. One of my close friends is recently engaged and her best friend has been distant ever since and when I got separated from my ex my so called best friend dropped out of my life, telling people she didn’t see us as friends now that I was single. It’s messed up. 

Post # 11
314 posts
Helper bee

I have a thought about the facbook posts: after commenting on your post, facebook will continually notify her each time when other people comment on the post– I don’t think she wants updates and you already saw her comments so she thought it was ok to delete.

I think she’s depressed about her own situation and that’s why she’s avoiding you. When she talks to you (or sees those FB updates) she’s reminded or her disappointing situation and it hurts.

Post # 13
46 posts

Yeah, this sounds like me when my BFF got engaged. She’d gotten engaged to a guy she’d been dating  for a few months, and I had been with FI for about five years and it was starting to become a sore point in our relationship that he hadn’t proposed yet. So when my BFF got engaged, I was happy for her, but also couldn’t help being a little jealous and reminded of my own disappointment. So I wasn’t exactly effusing all over social media about it and while I wouldn’t have cancelled plans to meet up with her, I could understand wanting to take a little time to basically get over it.

And I wouldn’t take her apparent ‘upbeat’ social media activity as a sign that she’s not unhappy. Social media is a constructed face we present to the world and a lot of people overcompensate to hide unhappiness, imo. 

Post # 14
1715 posts
Bumble bee

Since she’s admitted to being hot and cold with people, I think the best thing to do is assume that she’s running cold right now and act accordingly. By ‘act accordingly’ I mean that you should try to accept the fact that she’s not present in your life right now and continue as you were. 

Enjoy your engagement, plan your wedding, choose your bridal party, and try not to think too much about what she’s doing. She’ll probably show up eventually, since that’s her pattern, so don’t stress about what’s going on with her. 

If she comes back into your life and wants to be a bridesmaid, be cautious. She could be a liability if you have her in the wedding party.  

Post # 15
703 posts
Busy bee

FutureMrs.Cammack:  I’m curious to know apart from your engagement post what other related wedding posts are you putting on FB? It’s only been a month? I will say even as a bride to be nothing annoys me more than constant engagement/wedding talk from ppl on Fb. i will say at the start I told everyone everything and after about a month one of my good friends started to back away abit. She’s waiting to get engaged. I completely stopped all wedding talk and only mention it now if she brings it up. I’m not having bridesmaids so not as if she needs a run down of the wedding every time we speak. Some ppl for whatever reason after the initial excitement have other stuff going on that means they’re not that excited about all the wedding details like the cake, invites etc you’re getting.  Save the wedding talk for ppl who are excited by this. I’d just leave her off for a few week’s until she makes contact with you. That’s what I did with my friend and she got back in touch. We met for coffee and she admitted she’ sat a complete stand still in he relationship aNd while she is excited for her friends it is hard to take too. I admitted I went on about it wayyy to much and we had a lovely Coffee and are back to normal

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Bettyboo1982.
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