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laural,
that's a terrible position to be in...sorry about all of that(and to your friend)! I think the best thing to do is to be the friend that you are now - support her decision(better now than get divorced, right?), make time to spend with her if possible just doing non-wedding related things, and if you feel comfortable, offer to help her out in any way you can.
I think it's perfectly okay to feel that no one could understand how she feels, and I think pretending to do so with her would just be insulting. Let her know that you can't imagine how painful this is, but that you will be there no matter what. Let her take the lead about talking about your wedding - if she brings it up or asks questions, then talk about it with her. Otherwise, when you do spend time talking on the phone or in person with her, just try to keep the topic on how she's doing and moving on. Get her a card, a favorite snack, take her to a movie, or a favorite restaurant for a girl's lunch or dinner out. Do things that will allow her to destress and feel comforted.
Sometimes the best things to do as a friend doesn't involve talking...being there for someone and letting them cry on your shoulder does just as much for the pain.
Good luck. I wish you both the best!
One more thing: in case you start to worry that things aren't improving(ie, she isn't sleeping, cries all day, doesn't eat, isn't leaving the house, talks about wishing she wouldn't wake up the next day, etc.), make sure you keep in mind that your friend may need professional counseling and help. You don't have to mention it unless you're that worried about her...just keep it in mind and have a game plan. Sometimes being prepared for it will be enough to keep it from happening.
The calls will be over soon. If she tells even one person "the reason," word will get around. By no means is she obligated to tell everyone a long, drawn-out story of why she's not getting married. He's not the right one for her. What would they prefer, she marry him even anyway just so they don't have to change their plans? Of course not. Remind her that people's inquisitiveness and natural curiosity are not to be taken as signs of judgment but rather of concern. Just keep reassuring her that's it's going to be fine, try to keep up with other normal things, and keep an ear out for any signs of depression from her.
Wow, I can't imagine this situation! It must be so bittersweet, continuing to plan your wedding while your friend is having to cancel hers. At any rate, just be the best friend you can be, listen to her when she needs to talk or do stuff to help her get her mind off it (movies, shopping, non-wedding related activities, etc.) and angeldoc makes a great point about the professional help, too. Best of luck with everything!!
Aw how difficult! Maybe you could volunteer to make some of the more impersonal calls for her, if possible (or maybe the more personal ones...a vendor might need her to say it whereas a friend might just be understanding). Otherwise, I agree that just being there for her is the most important thing. Also being thoughtful about how she might feel when she sees you preparing for the wedding (not that you would flaunt it, but depending on how sensitive she is about it, even some of the smaller things might be painful). Good luck!
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I am in need of bee wisdom...
My best friend who got engaged 2 months before me, informed me that she is calling off her wedding this fall. She says that she is just not sure that he is the one. I can totally respect her choice but I have such difficulty in consoling her during this time as she is having to contact people that were hosting showers for her (my parents and I were hosting a huge couples shower at our home and there were 15 other hostessss just for this one shower! and she is also have 2 other showers and all of those hostesses!) and contacting vendors, bridesmaids (myself and 5 others!) and other family members! She is having to make all of these phone calls to these people and I think that it is breaking her heart! Because for most of these calls she said she feels like she owes them an explanation. I just don't know what to say or do to help her. I am also doing planning for my wedding and I certainly do NOT want to push any of that on her during this time either. I don't even care about the hassle of canceling things for the shower we were going to throw her because I truly am worried about her well being.
Has anyone been thru something similar or has anyone been the one canceling and recieved grood advice and support?