My best friend is secretly jealous…? Need YOUR ADVICE ASAP

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Some people don’t know how to handle close friends getting engaged/married/having kids, because that is SO far away from where they are in their lives.

Like I had a friend from high school say “What? You can’t have a BABY! I’ve known you since high school!”

Yes, we have known one another since high school. But I promise, I can have a baby!

What she was really expressing was how she sees her life (no stable BF, working on her MA), and how hard it would be for her to have a baby. I might be married and ready for a family, but she can’t imagine being at that place in her life just yet!

Post # 4
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

I know it’s hard when it feels like she’s not supporting you, but she is terrified: of losing you to your husband, of losing the feeling that everything will always be like it was in high school, etc. I don’t think she’s jealous, I think she just needs time to come to terms with the fact that people’s lives are moving on from what they were, and that’s scary! I certainly don’t think she’s handling it in the best way, but cut her a little slack. I’d try and have a conversation with her about it.

I also wouldn’t read too much into the things she says about guys in front of you and your BF. some people are just like that when they talk and there is no hidden context. If it makes you uncomfortable, ask her to stop.

Post # 5
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@tikki88:  She doesn’t seem jealous to me? It seems like you two are moving in different directions and that she really loves her life. She doesn’t live near you so how are you communicating? Skype? Phone? Why is your SO even apart of that conversation? Most of my friends live far away from me so when we talk it is “us” time and my DH is elsewhere. 

My BEST friend brings up inappropriate things infront of my DH sometimes but that is just her and it doens’t bother me. That solution seems easy, just have your SO step away. 

She probably disagrees with the idea of marriage because she hasn’t reached that point in her life. 

I feel like this is a classic case of “you need to move on” or “people change” 

Post # 6
Member
9532 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Honestly, I don’t really see the problem. It sounds like she talks a lot about guys that she’s seeing casuallly. I don’t understand why that’s a problem. And why does it matter if she talks about guys in front of your bf? You ask “How does that make me feel?” and I’m actually genuinely curios – how does that make you feel. Becauee  it wouldn’t be a problem for me, so I don’t know in what way it’s upsetting you. Her sharing stories about her life isn’t insulting to you any more than stories from your life are insulting to her. You’re just at different places in your life. That’s okay. It sounds like that’s what she wants at this point in her life and she isn’t interested in a more serious relationship given her career. So why would you think that she’s jealous of you?

It may be that you two are growing apart because your lives are so different. But don’t assume she’s jealous. And even if she were, what does that matter?

Post # 7
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I agree with BrandNewBride. She’s seeing your life through a different lens. She’s thinking of the you she left when she went off to Vegas to be an actress, and if you were pretty similar in high school, then she’s thinking about how she is too young to get married/have a commitment. She’s living a very different life than you are, but in her brain the two of you are still the same.

It’s a lot easier to deal with friends you weren’t that close to getting married and having kids than it is the ones you were close you to. Heck, I’m engaged and a friend I’ve known since kindergarten got engaged yesterday and my immediate reaction was “He can’t be engaged!” In my mind, he’s still the kid I remember, and not the man he’s grown up to be.

She might be a little jealous or unhappy, but for the most part I think she’s just having a hard time wrapping her mind around the differences between your lives.

 

Post # 9
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@tikki88:  In that case it just seems to be her talking about her current life. I personally wouldn’t find issue in that but if you do then I would talk to her about it. 

Post # 10
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

She doesn’t sound jealous to me, just the opposite. I think you are in very different phases right now and she doesn’t envy yours at all. Believe it or not, not every woman secretly dreams of being in a relationship or married. There was a long time I didn’t want that at all!

Post # 11
Member
3424 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I knew a girl like this in high school. She isn’t your friend. She’s super jealous of you and will never be happy for you. If she keeps in contact withoyou its only to keep tabs on you. Cut her loose and let the relationship fade away. Dont tell her cause you know she’s not going to be happy for you.

Post # 13
Member
502 posts
Busy bee

I think you’re reading a bit too much into things. You don’t like her being open in front of your boyfriend, yet you talk about how close they are and how long they’ve known each other. And posting a ‘like’ on someone’s Facebook does not equate to phone calls or a text. Facebook takes way less effort on her part, so you shouldn’t be ranking them together. 

Some girls don’t like talking about weddings. And is it possible that to her, you’ve been talking about engagement and weddings as much as she talks about boys? It sounds like she’s tired of hearing about it until there’s something concrete, in the same way you’re tired of hearing about her random hookups. Eventually, everyone’s stories sound the same, for both topics.

Yeah, her conversations about boys sound annoying. I had a friend like that and I just told her how I felt. She had no idea and the talk calmed way down. Simple solution! Have you mentioned to her at all how those conversations annoy you?

 

Post # 14
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

By how you described her you seem to look down on her because she isn’t doing the same thing you are.  I don’t think shes jealous at all. She is probably just sick of your “im better than you” attitude. 

Is it because my life is exactly where I want it to be and yours isn’t? Because I’m finally moving onto a new chapter in my life and your life isn’t? 

Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/my-best-friend-is-secretly-jealous-need-your-advice-asap?replies=13#post-

 

Who says she wants to be married at 26?  Woman these days especially in bigger cities (including vegas) don’t really get married till late 20’s early 30’s if ever. You have a very small town mind.  I would travel a bit if I was you and learn about different places.

 

Post # 15
Member
2421 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Just because you were friends back in the day doesn’t mean that friendship will stand through the test of time.  Some friendships will, you can be in completely different phases of life and still find common ground and understanding.  Other friendships just don’t make it.  It’s no one’s fault and neither of you did anything wrong.  Her life is hers, she seems to love playing the field right now.  You’re thrilled to be coupled up and heading towards marriage.  Neither of you are wrong, neither of you need to be jealous of the other.  Your lives just took different paths.  

Maybe her career is more important than a relationship right now.  Maybe it always will be.  That’s for her to decide.  

People change.  It’s ok to pull away from her a bit, to find new friends who are interested in the same things you are.  You can still be friendly with her and keep her in the loop, just recognize what role she’s playing in your social life.  It sounds like you want her to play a role that she’s not willing or able to play (ie: the excited girlfriend who helps you plan your wedding.)  

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