Post # 1
Ok so here’s the story, my best friend and I met when we were 13 and I hooked her up with my cousin, this was 17 years ago. They were together for a few years had a baby boy and he left her for her friend. Now him and that girl have a baby daughter together and my best friend cannot get over it still up until this day. She gets worked up about it all the time and literally tries to beat this girl up every chance she gets because of the fact that they were friends.
Now that my wedding is coming, my best friend wants me to tell my cousin not to invite his girlfriend or she wont go to my wedding, I just cant tell my cousin that because they are living together and have been together and have a daughter now. I know that if I told my cousin he couldnt bring her, he might not be able to go to my wedding. Its been 10 years since the break up and I just want my MOH to get over this!
She is very upset with me right now and is telling me that she would never do this to me if the tables were turned, but I didnt invite his girlfriend, her name was not on the invite, I invited my cousin plus a guest, I cant control who he brings. She said she would be miserable at my wedding if the other girl is there, but what about me? Its my wedding day!
I told my best friend/MOH that if the tables were turned I would stick it out and would never miss her wedding over anything. I dont know if im being a bad friend but he is my blood and we are very close and I dont want him not to go or my best friend not to go. I mean, we are adults now not in high school anymore but she is clearly depressed over this matter.
I’ve had so much stress with my family and dont want to deal with this drama either. I need to know that im not doing anything wrong, please help
Post # 3
Well you kind of passive aggressively invited her by giving him a guest, so that ship has sailed. Your friend needs to get over it at this point. I mean, yeah your cousin was a total d**khead to her and she has a right to hold a grudge, but she shouldn’t be so much of a child about it as to pull an ultimatum on you at your wedding, especially since the guy is family. She seems like she has some larger issues given that she is an adult with a child and still tries to beat people up. Perhaps suggest some therapy in addition to telling her she needs to just suck up the fact that the woman will be there. If she legit tells you she’s not coming because of that then she’s not really your friend, OR she’s got mental problems that make her incapable of rational thought.
Post # 4
Great point kittyachi! My FI is telling me the same, that if she doesnt go she isnt a good friend, and its true. If this happened last wk or last yr then I’d understand her pain, but its been 10 years, she is calling my other friends and exploding to them how im having this girl at my wedding but I really have no control over it. I was hoping my cousin was just going to show up by himself given the situation but he’s clearly not
Post # 5
You’ve invited both, end of story. She can get over herself for one day or not come. Sad, but true. Not being able to separate herself from the situation to support you is not good friendship behavior, not the other way around. If you went out of your way to invite someone she hates that is a stranger to you, that’s another story. But it’s your close cousin! Big girl pants need to be worn here.
Post # 6
Tell her to get over it for one night, especially since you say it happened so long ago. If it were me, I’d probably let everyone involved know who else was invited. I invited two people who were together for several years and are now with different people to my wedding (there were no kids involved though). I just let them both know the other was invited. They asked that I didn’t seat them at the same table, which I wouldn’t have done anyway.
I also have two uncles who are divorced. I invited both of my uncles and their new wife and girlfriend. My uncles ex-wives were invited too because they are my aunts after all and they’re special to me. Again, I’m not sitting them at the same table and they all know that the other people will be there and they’re fine with ignoring each other so they can be there for me.
I think you should tell whoever can’t handle the situation that you’d love to have them there, but you’re not going to uninvite someone else important to you to make them happy.
Post # 7
I have to agree with everyone else, maybe sit down with her and have a conversation in a heart to heart way, and hold your ground, he is your family, and has made decisions that hurt her, but at the end of the day, he is still family, and you cannot dictate who your family is (and who they are with!) so, talk to her, and let her know that you will not ask him not to bring his girlfriend, and that it would relaly hurt you to not have her present, and that it’s put you in a tough situation. At the end of the day, she needs to see that for ONE day she needs to let this go, and let you have YOUR day!
Post # 8
I agree, she needs to get over herself or not come. She is not a good friend, if she can’t behave for just one day. It has been 10 years. She needs to get on with her life, and leave the past behind her.
Post # 9
I have a similiar situation, old friends who are now enemies. I’m inviting them both & I think they’ll just avoid each other. Its been a few years so they’re mostly over it now. I feel for you! Just let her know he’s invited & you aren’t sure if he’s coming or not, or who he may be bringing. She may feel uncomfortable, but she doesn’t have to talk to him or sit anywhere near him.
After 10 years, I think your friend should be getting over what the cousin did. Its going to consume her life & will make her miserable. If you & her are still close, I would suggest her maybe seeing counseling. Not for your wedding, but out of getting her to move on with her life. It sucks he did that to her, but she needs to move on.
Post # 10
Sorry, but I would tell her to suck it up. It’s not about her. And anyways, you can seat them at completely different sides of the room and they don’t even have to see each other. idk. Maybe talk to her and ask her to do this for you. To make sure nothing about the situation will hurt the wedding day. Assure her that you are on her side in the issue, but that you need to be able to count on her to not necessarily forgive but temporarily forget the issues for this most important day of your life. If she’s really your best friend, she’ll understand.
Post # 11
@breezer, I had a heart to heart with her yesterday, she was furious! She said she wouldnt be able to do her speech or be happy at all! I told her I would sit them far away and she wont even notice that they’re there, but she’s not accepting it.
@bleubride- you are right, i wished I could delete this stupid poll, im not going to uninvite someone close to make someone else happy, no way! I cant believe she is putting me through this especially she is my best friend and I would be crushed if she doesnt go to the wedding
I told her people go to weddings all the time and doesnt like seeing certain people but have to stick it out, she just doesnt have a clue
Post # 12
Wow! That really stinks! I would tell her to step down if she’s not going to get over it. You even sat down with her & she won’t work with you!
Post # 13
Well, it’s easy to say that you would stick it out if the tables were turned…I know it’s been 10 years…but has it been really hard on her to raise a child alone? Does he see the child? Does he support the child? I think she has a right to be mad…I’m a mom, and if my FH left me right after I had our son…I think I would of tracked him down and beat the living day lights out of him. Or had my dad do it.
I was in the same wedding party as my ex husband a few years ago and got to hang out with him and his new wife too (we were together for 10+years) I expressed my concerns to the bride..and she didn’t really see what the problem was… It could of gotten really bad, I cried at the wedding rehearsal dinner and had to leave..(yes, it was tough) and it wasn’t a very fun wedding to be apart of…I kind of felt like people didn’t care about my feelings. I understand it’s her day, but I would never put that on any of the people involved in my wedding.
Also I know when my brother got married he had a guy in his wedding party who was getting divorced and was now dating a girl in the wedding party. (They were actually walking together) The Ex-but still wife expressed her concerns and they said they would be mad if she didn’t come…I was pretty shocked that they would be so insensitive. It really sucks when you have to go through stuff like that.
I know the guy is your cousin, but it sounds like he did a pretty jerky thing to your friend.
I would ask both your MOH and Cousin what is the solution to this..and see what they say..
Post # 14
Tell your MoH to put on her big girl panties and grow up for one night. She is an adult and she controls the way she acts. Tell her she has a choice: She can show that she’s truly your friend and behave like a civil adult for five hours of her life, or if that is too difficult and she wants to choose her grudge over her friendship with you, she can stay home.
She doesn’t have to forgive your cousin or his gf, she doesn’t have to like them, she doesn’t even have to speak to them. But she does have to be able to sit in the same room with them without causing a scene. Ask her if that is really too much to ask on your wedding day.
Post # 15
Wow, I feel for you and your best friend in this situation. Granted, she should try and be happy for you for your wedding, but if I were her I, would be pissed as heck! Does your cousin support, or ever see their child?
Post # 16
Invite them both and let them decide! She can’t expect you not to invite your cousin and his GF and you can’t not invite your friend! They are adults and should get over their BS for one night for YOU!