(Closed) My best friends are getting divorced….

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3261 posts
Sugar bee

I think you should focus on the last few lines of what you wrote “I want to cry but I also don’t want to be feeling sorry for myself when they’re the ones going through the end of a marriage.”

I dont think now is the time to worry about your social circle breaking up. You can do more than just say sorry, speak to both of them. Let them know you’re there if they need you, check in on them, let them both feel that they have someone to lean on because this is a rough time for the both of them. 

Good luck 

Post # 4
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper

OMG! I am so sorry to hear this! Is the break up amicable? I just keep thinking about what would happen if Lily and marshall broke up! If they choose to remain friends after the divorce I don’t see why you cant also

Post # 5
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I understand how you feel.  But I don’t think you have to make any decisions just yet.  Why couldn’t she still be a bridesmaid and him do a reading? 

Sometimes I feel situations are made to be more awkward for other people than the two who it should be.  What I mean by this is be conscience of their feelings, but don’t assume anything for them.  Don’t assume they won’t want to be in the same room or that it will be awkward.  Let them tell you if they don’t feel comfortable since the other one will be. 

Post # 6
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@MrsNeutrino:Oh my gosh!  As soon as I read OP thread I immediately thought of Robin and Ted and Robin and Barney.  In theory it could work!

Post # 7
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Wow that’s a tough situation. Very sorry for your friends.

I want to say that I was in the similar situation when I got divorced. However, we actually didn’t make our friends choose and to date (6 years later) we all have the same circle of friends.

But, honestly, you need to take yourself out of the “selfish” aspect of things and focus on what they may need from you as far as support goes. Your wedding isn’t for another year. Worry about them.

Post # 10
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@mandypop: We have a child together so we see each other often but as far as social events we do go to the same ones. 

We decided from the beginning that we weren’t divorcing our friends. So, making them choose wasn’t fair. 

Post # 11
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Sorry! Divorce and break-ups hurt lots of people. I went through something similar recently. My fiance’ have been friends with another couple for nearly 7 years now. They were there for us through thick and thin and sooo excited when we got engaged. I asked her to be bm and rich asked him to be gm. They weren’t married but had been cohabitating for the last 10 years and seemed stable, neither seemed interested in marriage or children, they just wanted to be together. they broke up 3 months ago. We did not ask either of them to step down from their duties in our wedding. Instead, he stepped down and she stayed in. It has caused alot of heartache in our circle of friends…akwardness and confusion. they have since done their best to try and remain friends, but it’s been a rough road. I think the key is staying neutral, and letting them work out how they want to handle friends and future obligations.

Post # 12
Hostess
23639 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

First off, *HUGS*.  I know that this may not be the correct “first instinct” reaction, but I just wanted YOU to know that everything will be okay.  I am proud of you for not immediately being concerned about how this will affect you, but understand that it’s going to be in the back of your mind.  So I just want you to know: As the friend of both these people, it’s not going to be easy, but it will all work out someway, somehow.

You are on the right track to thinking about what will be the best for both of them, but just remember to let them guide it.

One year may not be long enough to heal all wounds, but one year may be enough for things to process.  I couldn’t imagine having to choose, and don’t feel that you should have to.

Post # 13
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper

@mandypop: oh man.. this is a really hard situation to be in. I think maybe for a little while you should stop looking at the big picture and take it one step at a time? I am so sorry you are going through this 🙁

Post # 16
Member
3801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@mandypop: Don’t let what is going on with your friends give you doubt about your own relationship. She might be telling you these things in an email, and you might know them extremely well, but you might never know what went on behind closed doors and the real reason for their divorice. Trust me on this.

I think through the emotion that you are sharing with us on here, you will be able to continue being a great friend to both and not have to choose. Just be there for each, but don’t spread gossip to them about the other person (He’s dating someone 10 years younger than you!, etc.), and your friendships should be able to survive. What they each need right now is their friends! Someday your social circle will be mended, although it won’t be the same. I’m sure they both have the same feelings that all of you do – how not to make it awkward, how to see everyone and be around each other, etc.

 

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