Post # 1
So, this is an anonymous account because, while I don’t think anyone IRL knows I’m on here, my username would be very identifiable if they ever stumbled across it.
As the subject says… My best friend (and MOH)’s father passed away last night, very unexpectedly. I’ve talked to her, and she’s doing well. But, its obviously a shock.
Now, here’s the kicker. I’m getting married in 4 days. I asked her to let me know when the services are, and she did. But, we basically have wedding activities (rehearsal dinner, spa appointment, welcome happy hour) during all 3 wakes. Things that have been scheduled for months and I can’t reschedule (trust me, I tried). And the funeral is set for Saturday morning… 5 hours before the wedding.
I made it very clear to her that she’s exempt from any and all wedding related activities if she so chooses. But, I know she’s still planning on coming for the rehearsal dinner, and spa day. As for the wedding day, the plan was we would all get ready together, but she’s just going to leave for a few hours and come back.
My question is, what do I do? I feel like the worst friend in the universe for not being able to move things around. I think I’ll at least be able to stop by one of the wakes (before I go to the happy hour). I’m going to send flowers, but I feel like thats not enough for someone I’ve known for over 20 years.
Please tell me what to do. I want to be there for her, I just don’t know how.
Post # 4
i’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this. and i’m sorry for your loss.
it sucks, but there’s no way around your wedding events. things happen. as long as she knows that you’re there for her, even though you can’t physically be there at the wake/funeral, i’m sure she’ll understand.
also, your wedding might be a good escape from sadness for her. if she still attends. and the activities she does come to will be a great distraction.
Post # 5
@colorofmyheart: Thanks. I think I know there isn’t really anything I can do, but I still feel bad. We went to lunch yesterday for a few hours, and she said she’s definitely coming to the spa Friday (massages should help, right?). I’m considering going to the funeral still, but both she and you other Maid/Matron of Honor are trying to talk me out of it.
i dont really know what kind of advice I was looking for. Maybe some magical solution that would allow me to be in 2 places at once. Thanks for trying to make me feel better though.
Post # 6
is there any possible way that you could go to the funeral, even for a little part of it? i know, it’s going to be within the “getting ready” period before the wedding. but maybe you’d feel less helpless and “guilty” if you figured out a way to make an appearance at the funeral, for your friend and her family.
sadly, there’s no way to be in two places at once. unless you’re a magical character in a movie. i think technology should work on that whole two places at once thing… it’d make life so much easier. can you imagine? doing foodshopping while also laying in the sun on the beach? or being at work, while also having a spa day with your friends? (: (yes, i’m trying to make you laugh)