My BF cheated and I took him back. Am I making a huge mistake?

posted 2 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2580 posts
Sugar bee

He cheated on his last wife and now you? I think you know the right thing to do

Post # 3
Member
6865 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

jennifer2014:  His first marriage ended in divorce because he cheated, and then you find out that he’s cheated on you multiple times. (I do count what he did as cheating because yes, he was definitely emotionally cheating on you, if not physically). What makes you think that your future marriage/relationship with him would be any different? And you’re talking to other guys too? You both need to just end the relationship and move on, because you are clearly living your own lives and not living as if you’re part of a couple.

Post # 4
Member
5 posts
Newbee

I think you already know the answer. Enough already, IMHO you would be wise to walk away and not look back. Take the time you need to sort out your own shortcomings in that relationship so you don’t repeat yourself in the future. You will be a better person.

Post # 4
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Agree with the first 2. I have nothing to add.

Post # 5
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

jennifer2014:  No one can tell you what to do, you have to make that decision for yourself. Personally yes, I think you’re making a mistake but my opinion is just that and you are free to do what you like. I have experienced a partner cheating (an ex) and it was one of the most soul crushing things i’ve ever gone through. I would never be able to stay with them and move on from it, maybe over time I could forgive, but i’d never forget and I couldn’t live with the wondering and the uncertainty and the lack of trust for the rest of my life. Some people can, i’m not one of them.

He can swear he’ll never do it again until he’s blue in the face but words are just words. The fact that he’s done it in a previous relationship would be a HUGE red flag for me, no matter how remorseful he may have been, he did it again so obviously it didn’t really have a lasting effect on him.

When someone cheats and you take them back, it’s entirely possible they will do it again so you really just have to ask yourself if that’s something you can live with. Only you know what’s right for you! I will give you this advice though, if you’re not willing to put up with that kind of behaviour from him, I can promise you, you will find someone else who will love you very deeply and never hurt you that way.

Good luck xx

Post # 6
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

How long have you been in a relationship? Has it always been long distance? Why were you going through his computer in the first place, did you have suspicions? 

To me, it seems you two are living very separate lives as you are both seeking out something from the opposite sex that you & he are not getting from one another. 

I tend to not believe in the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater” because some pepole do change. But, if there was cheating in his previous marriage and he is exhibiting similar behaviors, unfortunately I don’t think he’s changing ways any time soon. Trust is really important, and in LDR, it’s extra important to have a strong foundation of trust. 

And he wasn’t remorseful while doing it, only after he was caught….. 

Post # 7
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

How the heck do you have ANYTHING to think about when this man has cheated on his previous wife? Don’t think you’re the special one who will stop him from cheating. 

Post # 8
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

You should leave him. He’s emotionally cheated on you, and physically cheates on his ex-wife, which is why they divorced. It doesn’t sound like either of you are 100% committed to this relationship, and this will only cause problems in the future if it continues this way

Post # 9
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

This guy can simply not be loyal in a relationship, or in a marriage apparently.  If you marry him, you are putting your emotions at risk… but that’s your choice.  I couldn’t/wouldn’t do it.

As someone in a long distance ENGAGEMENT… I will say you two need to go your separate ways.  There is no foundation of trust, which is the NUMBER ONE need in a long-distance relationship.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  nikkiibee.
Post # 10
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

If you stay with him, he will cheat again, please don’t do this to yourself, you deserve much better.

Post # 11
Member
2825 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

yes. you are making a huge mistake.

Post # 13
Member
643 posts
Busy bee

Cheating is a deal breaker for me. Only you can answer what is tolerable for you and what you’re willing to live with. People will only change if they want to, not if you’re forcing them. 

I will leave you with this: without trust, a relationship doesn’t have a strong foundation. Someone who loves you will put you first and treat your trust like gold. 

Post # 14
Member
2580 posts
Sugar bee

jennifer2014:   I think you are glossing over MAJOR red flags I would say if you marry this guy be prepared to be ex wife #2

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