My BFF butt in our planning and Fiance hates her..

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
397 posts
Helper bee

@GNR_PatienceWhistler:  She should not have messaged him. Ever. However, he sounds like a *very* unreasonable person. Both in how he flipped out on you for your guest count, and now because of this absurd grudge he is holding for something she apologized about. My goodness, are you sure you don’t want a longer engagement? I would want more time to see what else this man will lose his cool over.

 

Post # 4
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@GNR_PatienceWhistler:  Yikes! I was thinking your FI must be younger from the way he’s acting.  It was very immature of him not to consider her apology email.  He needs to put it behind him so it doesn’t affect your wedding day!  Is he really that mad at her or mad at the fact that he’s not getting the wedding he wanted? Or the cost? There’s got to be more to it!

Post # 5
Member
1180 posts
Bumble bee

@GNR_PatienceWhistler:  I agree your BFF shouldn’t have messaged him. However he is being beyond childish by not accepting her apology. And calling her a jerk all the time?  What is he, 12?

I’m not sure how to resolve this, but understand that he’s showing you who he is. You better believe him.

Post # 6
Member
6644 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

He needs to grow the hell up and quit acting like a spoiled brat.  Yes your friend was wrong to text him but she did/has tried to apologize.  He needs to get over it and act like an adult

Post # 7
Member
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

How old is he? He sounds like he hasnt hit puberty yet… Im not even going to say anything about being married within a year of starting dating, thats its own can of worms…

Are you sure you really know this guy though?

What happens when you have kids and he doesnt like your name choices? Is he going to give you the silent treatment until the kid turns 18?

Or what about when you buy a house and your dad gives you a nice down payment with the restriction that you live closer to them? Will he disown your whole family?

I know these are just hypothetical, but there are alot of compromises in a marriage, and if he cant learn to give in peacefully sometimes, its going to take a toll on you, as well as put a strain on alot of your relationships With friends and family… How far are you willing to let him go?

Post # 8
Member
8071 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

he needs to get over his negativity asap. She apolpgized, he should accept and be gracious- that’s what moral, adult humans do. They dont have to go to brunch but he should drop all this negative drama now, so you can have a happy peaceful wedding day. And because shes your best friend! Hes being a turd.

 

 

Post # 9
Member
1634 posts
Bumble bee

Yikes! I also agree that she shouldnt have messaged him, but does she possibly think that what you want is being overshadowed a little bit by what he wants? Like you’re going to miss out on certain wedding things because you’re trying to make him happy? It sounds like he’s a little unreasonable and she was just looking out for her bestie.

I personally couldnt marry someone who got so angry about the things your FI is getting angry about. Is he *actaully* angry about those things, or are his blow-ups a symptom of another problem, and these things (like the guest list, and your friend messaging him) are the trigger?

If I was in your shoes I would sit FI down and say “this is my best friend, she’s incredibly important to me. It’s important to me that you accept her appology and stop bad-mouthing her to me. it’s disrespectful to her, but moreso it’s disrespectful to me. She’s a big part of my life and this needs to end now before I continue planning my life with you.” I wouldnt tolerate FI bad-mouthing anyone I love, but he already knows that so he’d never do it.

Post # 10
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Disenting opinion here…. 66 days and he just now is finding out the numbers?  Shes your person? what does that even mean?  She shouldn’t have stuck her nose in your relationship, and I know she’s tried to repair the rift but he got a shock on the numbers than a lecture from your friend?  I’d be really annoyed if this happened to me.  I would sit down calmly and talk to him about the numbers, the wedding, your bff, and see if you two should push this back a little. 

 

Post # 11
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@dv3849:  Based on the timeline, she doesn’t know him at all.

Post # 13
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

sorry to hear about your situations and being stroke survivors and planning this with all the added stress must be tough. I would say to him if he cannot be friends with your friend and forgive her, he could at least be NICE to her face about it – even if it’s just for your wedding day. she is a part of the day and her and her hubby is being rather generous in giving you guys their air points so he can at least be gracious about that. if in the future he comes around and decides to be friends then thats cool. but make him realize how putting down your friend all the time hurts your feelings etc. the saying goes if you cannot say anything nice – dont say nothing at all… give it time he may come around…

Post # 14
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee

@GNR_PatienceWhistler:  Yes agreed, she shouldn’t have messaged him. BUT she had good intentions at heart. And I think that is great she tried to apologize to him.

He sounds like he is taking it a bit too far. He doesn’t have to love her or even like her (My SO and BFF don’t really get along) but he doesn’t have to trash talk her in front of you and go as far as saying “she is dead to me”. He doesn’t have to be overly friendly, but he can certainly be curteous and civil when she is around.

What she did wasn’t that bad. It was inappropriate and uncalled for. But I would be curious to see how he would handle someone who actually did something terrible to you or him. It seems a little childish the way he is handling it. I take it he holds a grudge?

 

Post # 15
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

She should not have called, but he reacted MUCH too harshly. Honestly, he doesn’t deserve that huge gift of the flight for your honeymoon at this point. If he plans on accepting this gift from her, he needs to act respectfully toward her. End of story.

Post # 16
Member
6900 posts
Busy Beekeeper

He sounds like a very concrete, black and white, not-too-forgiving person.  What happens when you are on the other end of that set of traits  in a very direct way?  Life and time are indeed precious, but all the more reason to know what you are getting into when you make the most important decision of your life.  If you acknowledge there are signs of Asperger’s, even more of a reason to take it slow and really know what you are getting into.

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