(Closed) My biological Father didn’t bother…long

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
1501 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My biological father left when I was a baby. Luckily my mom met my wonderful father who adopted me, he is now passed away.

My biological father is remarried with a step daughter and son. He is very in and out of my life. I’ve only met him twice. But it almost feels like he contacts me when it is convenient. It would be nice if it was like emails once a month or something like that. And no effort from him to ever see me since we met when I was 14.

Needless to say he isn’t going to be invited to our wedding.

Post # 6
Member
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My dad left almost 10 years ago.  I’ve seen him a handful of times over the years, even though he lives in the same city as I do.  I blame his girlfriend for alienating him from us, but I know he has the choice too.  Whenever I see father/daughter moments at my friend’s weddings, I crying, sometimes uncontrollably because I know I won’t get to have those same special moments.  I was always a “daddy’s girl” so when he left it was hard for me to “fit in” with my mom and sister.  One time I even saw him drive by, and I burst into tears and had to pull over.  10 years later, it’s still an extreme sore spot for me.

Post # 7
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

I not only grew up estranged from my biological fathers (due to issues of abuse), but the man who raised me for 10 years between the ages of 2-12 pretty much abandoned me after he and my mother divorced. It was devastating to go through dual abandonment, and I totally understand where you’re coming from. Add in a mother who’s never been in a relationship that can even be *remotely* considered healthy and you’ve got a recipe for potential disaster… but like you, I took all of that in and vowed to never repeat those mistakes or make new ones based on my experiences growing up.

*hug* It’s hard to see people going through what you did because it magnifies your own experiences, and it’s doubly hard to watch people make mistakes and be incapable of stopping them.

Going through the whole wedding process is gonna be tough for me because there’s so much involved traditionally with the dad/daughter aspect that I won’t get to have. I guess what’s important is to focus on the good things you have and the strong, healthy relationships in your life – even if those relationships might not be with your family, the reason you’re getting married (I hope) is because you’ve got something wonderful and healthy with your partner πŸ™‚

Sixteen and Pregnant is hard for me to watch, for sure, because so many of those girls are repeating mistakes – but I do have faith that anyone can turn around and make something better out of their life.

Post # 8
Member
1501 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t even know how I’m going to walk down the aisle without bawling like a baby.

I’ve been luck to get 2 bonus dad’s in my life (I like that term). My adoptive dad and my step dad. Way to make my life confusting mom!!

It is good that since the sperm donor dad’s don’t seem to care that we have strong mom’s and other supportive family, whether it be bonus dad’s or uncles or any male role models in our lives.

 

Post # 9
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m glad you have taken the pain and disappointment and done something positive.  I know where you are coming from to some extent.  I have a difficult relationship with my father.  He just moved in one day when I was 6 years old and married my mom… I’d only seen him a few times before that.  I love him, but we’ve never been close and have had a lot of issues over the years.  We deal with it now by not having a relationship at all, but pretending like everything is fine.  I think I have problems trusting people, relying on people.  Because of the way everything was handled, I also often question whether I am even a good person.

I didn’t see all of last night’s episode, so I probably shouldn’t comment.  I saw the first half, and it looked like he wanted to be a part of his baby’s life, but the girl and her mom were pushing him away because he came to ger delivery hung over.  I don’t think that is good, and I know he’s had legal issues.  But I wouldn’t totally write someone so young off as an addict and someone who will forever be a bad parent.  I know what he did was wrong, but he’s a just a kid too.  We all deal with stress in unhealthy ways sometimes.  I just felt like they were being unreasonable by trying to punish him with not seeing his daughter.  It actually made me really mad.

Post # 10
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i didnt grow up without my father,…. but my parents divorced when i was 13 and he hasnt been in my life ever since… im surprised hes even coming to the wedding to be honest.  he missed my brothers graduation and many other big events in our lives. when i was away at bootcamp he sued my mom and tryed to emancipate me… if that says anything about his moral compass…. and then he sued my mom when i was away in texas for custody of my little brother and won. hes just very manipulative and he convinced my naive little brother to say he wanted to live with him and he didnt like living with my mom, etc. it was horrible. needless to say my brother changed his mind and came back home about a year later πŸ™‚ anyways… when i found my fi, i knew he was nothing like my dad and it makes me so happy!!! πŸ™‚ hes going to be a wonderful father…. hes just a wonderful man πŸ™‚

Post # 16
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

@basketballwifetobe: i have no place posting in here but i just wanted to say how strong you are for realizing you have the power to change the cycle and for being the bigger person and allowing him to come to your wedding. i’ve never understood how a father or even a mother can leave their children, its something that is beyond my comprehension. but it sounds like your mama did a wonderful job raising you πŸ™‚ and even bigger props to those men who stepped up to the father role. It takes a strong person to take care of someone elses children and love them as your own. I wish you all the happiness in the world!

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