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My fiance is handsome, hilarious, and brillant. He is highly motivated, a real go-get-er, and did I mention that he's funny? He is good at making me laugh, making me feel good about myself, and he's a good listener. He's a lot of most things wonderful!
Notice, however, I did not include the adjective: "thoughtful". My darling fiance is the least thoughtful person I know. This is no surprise to me...I figured this out about him within the first few weeks of us dating! I've accepted this sad truth and am prepared to deal with it forever. **enter mellowdramatic music here**
Well, my birthday is on Wednesday. I'm not a big Christmas-fan, I hate Thanksgiving, I really hate Easter (pastel colors and early morning don't agree with me), I like the 4th of July, and I like Halloween, but I LOVE my birthday. I feel like I am a super star on my birthday.
Since we moved in together and are planning the wedding (and have a million other expenses!), we don't spend much on eachother for any holiday---and I am most definitely not expecting a gift-gift...but I am hoping that he at least picks up a card, or a box of Milk Duds (my favorite), or a flower! I'm sure some of you are shocked right now, like "whoa, VM's fiance is THAT bad?!". Yes hive, in the thoughtful-department, he sucks big time. Thing is, this year I decided to not "talk-up" my birthday, so I'm just hoping he doesn't forget about it altogether! I'll keep you posted.
Make me jealous and tell me how awesome your SO's are on your birthday....or join my pity party if your SO is anything like mine.
I'm sorry that you can't count on him for this. I have the same sort of problem, except that mine will promise a gift and never follow through on it...I still haven't gotten my Christmas gift, but I know that's just the way he is (he also promised flowers for Valentine's Day and even swore that he'd already ordered them).
I think you should drop hints since you LOVE your birthday. There's nothing wrong with it.
I know you are trying to save money for the wedding but a card or flowers is something small.
Last year for our birthdays... before the wedding, we kept it small with him getting me flowers and a card. Just something small.
He and I both ask each other... "So what am I getting for my birthday?" half joking.
Or we will both drop hints, for presents that are not that expensive.
Or you could just say something like, "I can't believe I turn # on Wednesday." And see what he does.
ETA: HAPPY BIRTHDAY by the way. Isn't it exciting that you are getting married at (insert your age). This time next year, you'll be a married woman! Yay!
@Toffee-Oh gosh girl! I get that too! The good ol' "I don't know what happened to the gift I got you....I think it's in my car" (goes to the driveway to "check" his car, and comes back in 20 minutes later from the mall...)
@terry---Yes, I would just love a card and chocolates, or something! But I am adament about not hinting this year...! and thank you or the birthday wishes! I'm turning 25! woohoo!
My family celebrates every holiday (I still get St. Patrick's Day cards from my mum), and we have always made a big deal out of birthdays. Plus, I'm North American, so holiday usually equals commercial event. FI's family celebrates everything - even traditional Korean holidays - in a very low key way, and the only thing he has ever received from his parents on his birthday post-age 10 is seaweed soup. So when we first started dating, we struggled a lot with our different expectations. I think I've been able to suceed with birthdays in that now he researches which restaurant he is going to take me to, and has even ventured into jewellery stores by himself. Christmas on the other hand is a no-go. I'm hoping that when we have kids, he will be more receptive to all the joys of the season, but for now it's still a point of contention.
I got a really sweet email this year (we're LDR, so I told him not send a gift - we're saving for the wedding and postage is expensive, afterall!) but I was kind of hoping for a phone call.
The email was pretty sweet though, and I didn't have to remind him, he remembered on his own. And he promised to take me out for belated cake when I'm back in the States. :)
Hah! That could be Mr. Veggie you're talking about. I too have come to the realization that my man is jut not as thoughtful as normal human beings are. He sucks as birthdays and Christmas, and I have no hope that our anniversaries will be any better. And although I think he's slowly starting to learn, sometimes his day-to-day thoughtlessness is shocking. I am right there with you girl. I hope you have a great day. I hope he does manage to pull off something special, but if he doesn't, just use it as an opportunity to treat yourself to a fun day out, a new dress, and a good meal. I know I always do! Happy birthday!
If having him recognize and celebrate your birthday is very important to you, I think you're setting yourself up for disappointment if you don't let him know this. Some people just aren't "birthday people" and don't get why it's important to others to have the occasion marked by a card or special party (I don't get the point of cards and hope I haven't been secretly disappointing my husband this whole time :) ) Does he normally have a good memory for dates (bdays, anniversaries, etc.), or do these things normally slip his mind? Does he mark other life events?
From how you describe him (makes you laugh, makes you feel good about yourself, listens very well), I would consider that thoughtful, as he takes thought for the comfort and good of others, and seems like he has careful consideration for making you feel wonderful. Sometimes people just need a nudge in the right direction to know how to make someone feel valued.
Oh man, I hope he remembers too! I would be so disappointed if he forgot. Or if he just didn't get me anything meaningful. I've had a hard time (and still do) explaining to my FI the difference between a meaningful gift and an expensive gift. He's always thought that if he couldn't afford an extravagent gift, he shouldn't do anything- WRONG.
My favorite birthday was the first one we spent together. We were in college, both broke, but he took me to the zoo and gave me my favorite flower. That means he listened! He knew what flower I liked and that I adore animals. He's given me nice, expensive gifts, but that one was the best (and it couldn't of cost more than $25).
My husband's strong suit isn't gifts, either. My all-time favorites are the can of fix-a-flat I got for Christmas that he needed for HIS car (complementary gifts were a fire extinguisher and carbon monoxide detector) and, after months of saying I wanted an iPod, I opened up my birthday gift to find a gorgeous black leather iPod holder. I was thrilled until he explained that I'd get the iPod "at some point" (I bought it for myself later that week).
Now, as silly as it sounds, I set up a wish list on Amazon, and tell him to have at it. Alternatively, he usually gives a check or cash. As unromantic as it sounds, it's *perfect* (and WAY better than a can of fix-a-flat!). And it took us about eight years to get to this point.
Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
well am the luckiest girl.my SO is super thoughtful.it doesnt have to be a special occasion.if he sees somthing he likes and thinks i'll like & he can afford it,he will get it .for one christmas ago he new i wanted a diamond pendant cross.he couldnt find one (he liked,he's real picky)so i got the circle of life from roborto coin.i loved it but really wanted a cross.he found one on one of his trips and when i joined him he just bought it for me.but honestly the most thoughful thing is that he learned to cook through me and now when i get home from work tired i dont have to cook its already done and taste wonderful.
am truly blessed
Well, my FI and yours might be distant cousins in the thoughtfulness department. He does give sweet and thoughtful gifts but he does not shop for them until the day of the birthday, anniversary, holiday, etc.
It annoys the hell out of me. I wish he would plan ahead and think about it for a while. Instead, he disappears on a frantic shopping trip for an entire afternoon on the day of, when I would rather be hanging out with him. Sigh.
*joins the pity party, did someone bring smores and fat free chocolate?? *
My Fh is the same, you are not alone, constant reminders do help!
My fiance isn't good at picking out gifts, so if there's something I want I have to tell him. It bums me out twice a year that he can't figure this stuff out on his own, but it's pretty minor in the scheme of things! It sounds like your fiance is super great otherwise, so maybe you can hint more :)
haha i've seen both ends of the spectrum. My ex sucked at gift giving. It wasn't that he forgot (usually... he did forget my bday once), it was that he got me terrible things. like a pillow. or a blender. seriously??
FI is actually really pretty good with holidays. I don't need to remind him and he has historically gotten me pretty great gifts. The only disagreement we've had on this is that he doesn't see the point in cards (like bday cards). He says a gift is enough. Personally I'd rather have the card than the gift because its a rare time that he writes something meaningful down for me (we've never been long distance so we've never written each other notes or long emails really). He does get me cards now though because he knows I like them. One funny thing: for valentines day/our anniversary (same day) this year I suggested we not get each other gifts because we're saving for the wedding and we just bought a house. Well, I still got him a card because come on, its our anniversary. I was pretty sure he wouldn't think to get me one and that was fine, so instead of making a presentation of giving it to him, I just set it by his sink in the bathroom when I got up in the morning so he'd see it when he got up, and i went to go make breakfast downstairs. About 15 minutes later he comes downstairs and asks me when breakfast will be done. I tell him "5 minutes." He says "okay ummmm I'm going to run to meijer to get a water bowl for the cat" (what???). I say okay why now? "ummm i mean they just need a water bowl? and umm? I mean it wont take me that long..." at which point I just call him out "you didn't get me a card and now you feel bad and you want to go get me a card before i realize you forgot eh?" "YEP" hahahaha. it was kind of funny. so he stayed and we ate breakfast. Then afterwards he went to meijer and came back with 2 cards for me and reese's, my fav. :)
I really hope he remembers and at least gets you a card. I know you say he's not thoughtful, but, do you think maybe you could explain to him how much your birthday means to you? That way, he could focus on that, since he knows it's more important to you than all the other holidays combined.
My fiance is incredibly thoughtful. Major holidays are a no-brainer for him, so he always gives me amazing gifts and cards on Christmas, my b-day, Valentine's Day, and our anniversary. BUT, what I treasure the most is that my awesome FI gives me a card- once a month- every month- that we have been together (it's been 2 1/2 years now) with something sweet and funny written in it. These cards are among my most valued possessions and I keep them in a special box, so when I am old and gray someday, I can look back on my life and know that I was really, truly loved. I realize that he is the exception, not the norm, as most guys would never do such a thing, but this makes me love him even more. :)
My FI is very thoughtful, but in a very funny way. For example: on Valentine's Day last year, he got me....a water bottle. A plastic water bottle that I can reuse/refill at the gym. His reasoning? "Well, you always use those crappy Poland Spring water bottles and I wanted you to have a good one." Very thoughtful, just not what I was expecting, lol! But the funny thing is, I LOVE that water bottle, use it constantly, and prefer to drink out of it than a regular glass when I'm at home.
Does your FI usually do something nice for your birthday? Or is forgetting it par for the course? Hopefully he'll be thinking about it this year :)
awww VM!! *HUGGS* i'm praying to the love gods that he does something sweet for you on your bday... even if it's small, just to surprise you!! :)
in the beginning of our relationship, FI and i used to go ALL OUT for each other on bdays... exp jewelry, $200+ dinners, $2k golf clubs, trips to vegas, etc.
since our dating started to get serious and we started to start saving for things like our house/wedding... we've been really tight with our money on big, lavish things for bdays.
we def dress up and go out to dinner... and he always buys me flowers... but our "gifts" are now practical things like (a remote car starter!! for my 26th) which i absolutely love! if anything, the sweet card he writes puts the biggest smile on my face, more than any of those monetary gifts from dating days long ago! :*)
Awe...sorry to hear VM! I'm sending my husband's romance vibes your FI's way so that he can woo you on Wednesday! Happy Birthday by the way!
Hopefully he'll surprise you and come through and get you flowers at least!!!
maybe so you don't have to say-say it, you could put a temporary tattoo that says Virginia Loves Birthdays on his forehead while he is sleeping ;-)
heehee! XOXO
Oh my gosh, I want to reply to everyone because you all made me laugh **cough, cough Melissa)! HAHA, some of you are the luckiest girls ever (the monthly card almost made me tear up, with love first and envy second!)
As far as letting him know how much I love my birthday--OHH trust me, he knows! ;) my FI is a "day-of" shopper too! (HAHA to the meijer cat bowl story!) I refuse to bring it up this week---I want him to remember on his own, and if he forgets, well I will be majorly bummed--but I'll survive!
I'm kind of your FI in this situation. I'm not the best with cards and gifts,mostly because I think cards are stupid and wasteful and pre-packaged sentiment. And as for gifts, he only ever wants to just tell me what he wants and have me get him that so in my mind it's like, well you took all the fun out of it so here's my credit card go buy it yourself. Saves me the waste of wrapping paper.
Good luck! I hope he remembers and gets you something sweet.
My birthday is next month, and I've already been trying to tell Husband that I want him to plan something special. It'll be the first birthday for either of us since the wedding, and it would be really nice to get away or something. I've been trying to let him know that it would be amazing if he'd plan a weekend or even just an overnight in San Francisco since we only live about an hour away. I'd love to see Wicked. I doubt that will happen though. I'll probably have to plan something later in the year for that.
About us: I'm the planner in the relationship. Husband can plan, he just usually doesn't because I do. When he plans out things for us to do, they are lovely, but he likes that I make things easier for him when I plan things for us. So we'll see what happens.
My hubby always gets me a card at the very least. As far as gifts...it varies. I feel like you do on my birthday, though, to me it's like the most important holiday of the year, lol! Will you be taking the day off work and doing anything special for yourself that day?
@Lillindy-- I am! I am skipping out on responsibilies to sleep in and go to a pilates class in the afternoon with some girlfriends!
@Maisy--I hope it works out well for you! I loved Wicked!
@VirginiaMarie: So lucky! I tried to get my birthday off work (it's in 2 weeks) and my work denied me. :( I hope you have an awesome day and maybe you can throw in a mani and/or pedi in for yourself that day! :)
My husband is the same way. He doesn't really think of getting things for me for holidays or birthdays.
My husband is very unthoughtful lol He used to try when we were dating and he was trying to woo me and keep my interest (LDR. and those were his thoughts, not mine. he had me even without gifts!), but now he's just meh. Instead of letting myself be disappointed, I usually just tell him what I want. And remind him, because he always forgets. He does still surprise me sometimes though and throws me for a loop. For my birthday last year, he surpised me because he did my birthday stuff the day before my bday lol (no, he didn't forget the actual day, he just knew I wouldn't be expecting it). My gift was a bottle of rum lol I had mentioned once how I think I like rum so he got me some. So silly.
Oh I really hope he comes through for you with at least the milk duds! It's the little things, right!
My FI is pretty good at surprising me on my birthday. Last year he planned a beach camping trip for me and it was realy cool b/c we saw dolphins. I most love his cards, he always picks out the sweetest cards and fills up avery space with his writing!
Let see....
My FH is also VERY wonderful. He is highly motivated, pushes me to be better, and is overall my best friend. However, he lacks in the birthday department as well. I too am not a fan of many typical holidays but LOVE St. Patrick's and Halloween. And of course MY BIRTHDAY!
My first birthday that we were together I do not recall what went on between us, we were newly dating. However, the following birthday he informed me we were taking a trip the the beaches of NC. I was stoked even though I knew we would be spending the weekend with a few of his friends from undergrad and their girlfriends. Little did I know that we would be spending LITTLE to NO time together the entire weekend and that the initial intention was a "guys only golfing weekend", must have changed when he realized it was my birthday weekend. We were there for 3 nights and 2 days. The first night, which was my birthday, we spent as a group and went out for alot of drinks and dinner. The next day the guys were supposed to get up and golf, with a 8am tee time and be home by 12:30 at the latest to spend the second half of the day at the beach with the one girlfriend that showed up and I on the beach. Instead, none of them answered their phones, and came stubbling in drunk, demanding dinner at almost 7:00 at night! Now, I understand that golf can last a little longer than expected sometimes but six and a half hours too long---PLEASE! I calmly gave in to the dinner request, even though I was fuming inside from their lack of consideration, and began cooking. The only other girlfriend who showed up, was not domestic or feminine at all and flat out refused to help with dinner, leaving me to do it all since she "didn't know how". After dinner, the guys informed us that they would be golfing the next morning as well, our LAST day there. Thats when I lost it! I pulled FH aside and explained to him how inconsiderate it was for him to spend 10 hours golfing, demand dinner, and then expect to spend our last day there by golfing--yet again! Needless to day, he and the guys golfed the next day again and even though it wasn't another ten and a half hour round it did ruin any plans for spending the day on the beach. Instead I was stuck with a girl who lacked any conversational skills and read the entire time on the beach.
My following birthday, my 25th, was spent at the bar that I work at. FUN! He claims to have planned on proposing that day but the ring wasn't ready in time. You would think you would know by 4pm the day of my birthday that my engagement ring was not completed AND shipped from PA to FL, but NO!
So, for my birthday this year I have let him know he is by no means planning anything. (for his last birthday I reserved a VIP area at one of the best clubs in Tampa with bottles, and provided a driver w/Escalade)
I am planning and letting him know what we are doing for mine this year. He claims to be able to handle it on his own, but I don't trust him with my birthday this time. LOL
I hope you have a great birthday! After-all, it is YOUR day! :-D
My FI is not alwayst the most thoughtful either, though he has gotten much better over the years. Here's a typical story: My birthday is shortly after Christmas and before New Years. The first year that FI and I were together, he made plans to go home to his parents' house for Christmas and I stayed in our town. At that point, we had been exclusive for four months. I was really hurt when he told me that he was going to go home a few days before Christmas and stay there through New Years, thus missing my birthday. But, I didn't want to say anything, because I know how important his family time is and didn't want him to think I was telling him not to go or to cut his time short. LUCKILY, when FMIL (who cherishes every second he is home) heard about his planned schedule, SHE told him "it's not right to leave your girlfriend alone on her birthday, especially when everyone else is out of town!!" I was so relieved that she "schooled" him on this, and he came home to celebrate with me. Hahaha ;-)
PS I hope you have a wonderful birthday and that your FI surprises you :-)
For Christmas FI and I didn't get anything for each other, we were busy preparing for the upcoming deployment in Januar, driving home for two weeks for Christmas and he'd just spent a buttload on an engagement ring in October. Needless to say, since he was (and still is) deployed on my birthday (which was February 17th) I figured I'd get nothing. I'm one of those girls who celebrates the entire month of their birthday. It's my month. My reasoning is that it's February...thus being a "short month" (by like 2 days!) So I had told him how important birthdays were to me but left it at that, I also set myself up to not receive anything because we were so far apart and he was busy doing his job. So I was very surprised when the UPS guy showed up ON my actual birthday with a box. I opened it and there was a box of Godiva chocolates and a box with a diamond anchor pendant. I sat down and cried. It was perfect.
Awww :( I'm sorry your FI isn't the most thoughtful - he sounds wonderful in other areas though so at least you can be happy about that ;)
Happy (early) birthday and I hope you have a fun day, regardless of whether he remembers or not! From the responses on here, it sounds like you're not alone in this department! I think a lot of men just have a HORRIBLE time remembering stuff or they procrastinate to the point of almost ruining it altogether! My hubby usually does very last-minute shopping, not only for me, but for his family members as well. I don't know if he would remember my birthday or not if I didn't mention it, but I guess I don't give him a chance to forget because I always bring it up LOL.
aww I'm sorry you are feeling that way!! Your future hubs sounds awesome in all other aspects...so try not to feel too bad!! also, keep in mind he may suprise you with something small, and even if he doesn't, his heart I'm sure is in the right place. I also think that a lot of times guys don't mean to be thoughtless...they just think "we have no money for gifts, nothing else to be done" and don't think to make something or just get a simple card and flowers....I am SURE it isn't just you (as other bees have proved it isn't!)
also, HAPPY HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY!! :)
Well I hope you had a nice birthday! You should update us!! :-) My FI has me give him a list at Christmas time so he can pick off of that. His family always does Christmas lists and that's fine by me. Last summer he took me to dinner for my birthday and then a month later said my ticket to a concert was my birthday present (though it was a concert HE wanted to go to with HIS friends!) I thought that was kind of thoughtless because it's my birthday so it should something I'm supposed to like. Last year it was Billy Joel/ Elton John. This year I hear Poison and Lynard Skynard are supposed to be playing right around my birthday. If that's my present this year I'd be aggravated! It's not the present that's the problem...it's the thought. I mean, I think I'm very sweet and caring most of the time and I don't always get the same in return. I'm the one who leaves cute messages on the fridge. I'm the one who sends occasional sweet emails and texts. He knows I'm a "card person" but then buys about one a year for me since he thinks they are a waste. I have a daughter from my first marriage and last year it never even occurred to him to get me a Mother's Day card or make breakfast or anything. I let that slide because it was the first Mother's Day that we were serious together (and he's off the hook this year because I'll be out of town) but I sure hope he learns to be a little more thoughtful. It doesn't take a lot of money either...it just takes a little motivation to show that you care.
Happy Birthday!
When I first started dating my husband, I quickly found out that his family wasn't much into celebrations. So like birthdays and holidays aren't a big deal in his family, whereas in mine, it's always a huge freakin' deal. It got to a point where I had to just tell him, "Look, it's my birthday, and it's a big deal, so you better plan something!" I have to be direct with him because he told me to. He just didn't understand before.
Now, every year, for most every holiday and EVERY birthday, it's a big freakin' deal :) And not just because I told him it was. He also quickly realized how much fun it is planning things for other people. Now he always looks forward to it and sometimes does a better job than me.
Sometimes, you gotta just be blunt with boys. I hated that at first because it felt like I was asking for attention, but really, it totally helped our relationship.
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