My birthday and no in-law birthday greetings

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think you’re overreacting.  Birthdays aren’t that big of a deal to many people.  I don’t even think my husband knows when my parents’ birthdays are, for example.  On my birthday, I get a happy birthday text from his dad, but only because he’s always texted me that.  His mom and brothers don’t text me.  It’s not that big of a deal!  

 

Post # 4
Member
3200 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

loveus:  Relax and just enjoy your birthday.  My siblings have been married a lot longer than I have and I hardly ever call their spouses to say “happy bday”.  Sometimes I leave it on FB and sometimes I don’t.  Actually I hardly ever tell my BIL simply because I’m not his biggest fan.  Haha…just enjoy your birthday.

P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  NovaRising.
Post # 3
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee

loveus:  Please relax & enjoy your birthday!  Don’t take their lack of calling personally.  There are plenty of people who hardly remember or recognise their own birthday.  It is not a big deal to them. Your in-laws may love you, but it does not mean they will remember your birthday.  Also, plenty of people don’t make a big deal about adult birthdays.

Happy birthday!

Post # 5
Member
3206 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I understand where you’re coming from. My FI’s family is very different than mine. In my family, birthdays are a big deal. They are celebrated and enjoyed amongst family. We have a party for each birthday, a family gathering, cake, the whole thing. It’s that way every single year for every single person. My FI hadn’t had a birthday party since he was ten before I met him. The first time I threw him a surprise party with all of our family and friends his eyes got big and it looked like a kid on Christmas morning; that being said, his sister, oldest brother, and step-father never bothered to show.

His family does not do birthdays like that. His family just *maybe* has a dinner with a cake, but they don’t celebrate them very much. We might do a family dinner, we might not. I know that it was very disconcerting for me the first time it was my birthday and no one acknowledged it. By that time, my FI and I had been together and I’d been a part of their family almost a full year. Now, I still don’t very much acknowledgement and it’s definitely a little hurtful, but I have to take a moment to realize that their family dynamic is compeltey different than mine. 

And their acknowledgement of our engagement? Laughable. 

Honestly, it’s best to just realize that they are the way they are and try to let it go. I let it drive me crazy three birthdays in a row before I realized that expecting them to do a simple thing as text me a “happy birthday” actually IS asking too much from these people. 

Happy birthday, OP!

Post # 6
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee

NovaRising:  I promise,  your post was not up when I replied. It’s funny our responses starts off almost identical!   

Post # 7
Member
6034 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Not everyone makes a big fuss over birthdays once you’re older than twelve or so. To let this alter an otherwise good relationship is a big mistake. 

Post # 8
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Enjoy your birthday with your family…. As people get older birthdays aren’t as big of a deal anymore! Re-evaluating your relationship with them over no birthday wishes is the stupidest thing on earth! How old are you? 

People have busy lives… It’s not the end of the world! Trust me… There are worse things in life then someone forgetting it is someone’s birthday! 

Post # 9
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

peachacid:  +1

Dude. You’re overreacting. You’re an adult – you shouldn’t put this much stock in your birthday and others’ remembrance of it. True, we should ALL be better at remembering the special times of those we love, but we shouldn’t expect it of others. That’s just being unrealistic.

You know what I do? I HAVE to put people’s birthdays in my phone. I only started doing this a year ago. Before that, I missed TONS of birthdays in my OWN family. Not because I was trying to be a jerk, but because my memory is really bad and I get incredibly busy. Same goes for most people, I find.

Don’t let the fact that they may have forgotten to text you happy birthday exactly when you were expecting it make you think you’re less important or less family to them. Things happen. Try to be a little more forgiving of people and their busy lives.

p.s… My dad is just as sensitive as you. Moreso, actually. A couple of years ago, we didn’t call him on his birthday by the time that he thought was acceptable (he’s also 3 hours ahead). He wrote ALL of us off. He stopped talking to us, the whole family. Guess how good our relationship is with him now? Yeah. Non-existant. Don’t be so dramatic. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  .
  • This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  .
Post # 10
Member
42546 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

loveus:  I suggest you stop comparing how your family handles things with how his family does. It will not get you anywhere.

Post # 12
Member
3415 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Heck, my in laws never remember mine. I don’t even bother about getting upset!

As long as your partner remembers, I don’t see a bit issue.

Post # 11
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

Apparently they don’t make too big of a fuss over adult’s birthdays. Don’t expect them to change how they do things, and have done things all this time, just because you are married to their son/brother. That’s just not how things work. If this is how they handle birthdays, that’s fine, they can do that. They don’t need to change it for you. 

Your fiancée is the one who is supposed to pay attention to your birthday, not them.

I don’t think you’re wrong for feeling this way about your birthday, by the way. I mean, you lived to see another year of life — that’s something to celebrate. The part where you’re mistaken is how you’re now expecting them to celebrate you the way your family does. They aren’t your family — they don’t do things like them. If you want your birthday celebrated the way you’re used to, go to your family. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  .
Post # 13
Member
6510 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Once you’re an adult I just don’t think birthdays are a big deal. I’m the type that sends cards and birthday greetings but many of my friends/family don’t return the favor. Doesn’t bother me- it’s just not something that’s important to them. I think you’re overr eacting a bit.

ETA: You shoudl really stop comparing his family to your family. I can understand why you might feel slightly upset but I think that “re-evaluating you relationship with them” seems a bit extreme.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  .
Post # 14
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

You are overreacting. “Reevaluate your relationship with them?” What does that even mean?

Many people do not care about birthdays. I am one of them. My birthday is not a big deal to me at all. Sometimes I don’t hear from my OWN family on my birthday and it’s never bothered me. Unless your husband’s family makes a big fuss over everyone else’s birthday, I don’t think you should take this so personally.

If celebrating your birthday is so important to you, why don’t you organize a little get together with his family next year? It’s not healthy to harbor so much resentment.

Post # 15
Hostess
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Maybe that’s just how they are? Honestly, aside from facebook, my family doesn’t acknowledge birthdays at all. No card, no call, no text. Nothing. I’m pretty used to it. My mother does buy me an icecream cake every year, it’s tradition. [My birthday is the 16th, super excited for icecream cake!]

Fiance’s family is HUGE on birthdays, they call, text, send cards, and spam each others facebooks. Fi’s parents normally send me a gift or gift card, which is lovely. And I’m very surprised that they celebrate them!

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