(Closed) My blood is boiling…

posted 5 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Oh my gosh! I wish she would have told me! Now it’s too late because I’m 24, married, and I’m doomed to unhappiness. Undecided

Some people just like to project their discontent on everybody else.

Post # 5
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I know a woman like this…. you know….the ones that think they have it all figured out? Try not to take it personally, people just feel the need to justify their lives without thinking about who they are talking to.

Post # 7
Member
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Sounds like she’s kind of bitter to me! Maybe she’s a little sour over her obviously bad breakup.

I’ll be getting married shortly before I turn 22. My mother was literally the exact same age as I will be when she married my dad, down to the month.

Guess what? They’ve been happily married for 30 years. ๐Ÿ™‚ My younger brother started his first year of college this August, they’ve had the whole house to themselves, they bought an RV to take camping, got season tickets to come to all of my college’s home football games this year, and go on more dates than ever.

Just because *she* feels incapable of knowing who she is while in a relationship doesn’t mean she needs to project her own faults onto the people around her.

Post # 8
Member
3847 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

The truth is you don’t really know who you are because you brain is still developing (until age 25-26).  And the divorce rate for people in your age group is high.  That being said, if people were more willing to give you wise counsel and mentoring and be supportive of your choice by adding something positive to your life, a lot more young marriages would survive.  you are at an age where you just don’t know what you dont know, and no one should be making you feel terrible, they should be coming along side.  Getting married young has its challenges but if I people were as willing to help you have a great marriage as they are to doom it, more young marriages would survive.

Post # 9
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MrsFuzzyFace:  I totally agree. I’m in the camp that minds and personalities are still developing – heck I wouldn’t even be able to recognise 21 year old me!

OP, if you feel that you’re mature enough to get married, that’s great, but there are still a lot of young people who believe that, because they’re legally an adult, they’ve got all the wisdom and knowledge of someone twice their age.

Post # 10
Member
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

@MrsFuzzyFace:  Your brain may still be developing (I agree with you there- it is), but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you “don’t know who you are.”

In fact, I believe quite a few studies have been done that suggest that a person’s personality is more or less determined by the time they have reached age 6.

So while you may not have quite as many life experiences at 20 as you do by 25 (graduating college, beginning a career, living on your own for the first time), I reject that this means that you don’t know yourself.

Is it possible? Sure. Always necessarily true? Heck no.

My older cousin is about 24. She has been with her long-time boyfriend since she was about 20. I can honestly tell you that while many things in her life have changed- the fact that she now works with autistic children instead of waitressing, most notably- she is definitely the same girl she’s always been.

Post # 11
Member
3847 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

@MissComicBook:  what I am trying to say is “trust your heart and seek counsel from older couples during the hard times”.  There are challenges specific to your age group, but unless people willing to support you on the journey, they should be quiet. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 12
Member
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think that it was tactless for her to go on like that, but I also agree with her.  I’d be in BIG trouble of I married the guy I was dating when I was 21 ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 14
Member
3847 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

@rachelmichelle:  I added another comment because I was afraid I originally came off as Debbie Downer.  My main point I was trying to make is that young couples who have mentors and wise counsel do a lot better.  I wholeheartedly believe that the older couple that lead the newlywed small group we attended at our church the first year of marriage may well have been what saved us from divorce.

Post # 15
Member
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

@MrsFuzzyFace:  My main point I was trying to make is that young couples who have mentors and wise counsel do a lot better.

On that we can completely agree. Part of the pre-marital counseling that FI and I have been doing with our pastor includes going out with a couple in our church that we feel comfortable with, preferably who have been married for ten years or more. I think it really helps to put into persepective what our expectations about marriage are, and how it’s not always rainbows and unicorns all the time. ๐Ÿ˜›

Post # 16
Member
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@MissComicBook:  Punch her in her FACE! I’m mostly kidding…

If someone told me I wasn’t actually my own person I would not be able to contain myself. AND REALLY, what is soooo wrong with choosing TO become more interdependant? My great grandparents died 2 months apart, not because my grandfather was sick but because he didn’t know/didn’t wish to continue his life here on Earth with her. 

WHAT IS SOO WRONG WITH THAT?! 

IF you can find this at all, espeically in your early 20’s you will outlive every statisic telling you your marriage is doomed. There will be worse times, but that kind of true love, well nothing outside of death will stop it. 

….

I’m still fuming she said that. 

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