(Closed) My BM wants to wear a shawl- Opinions?

posted 7 years ago in Accessories
Post # 4
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I am struggling with a situation like this as well. I have four bridesmaids and one MOH and they are all happy with the dress, but some want boleros, some shawls, some a peekabo underneath for length…. I’m not sure what to do about it either. I want them to match, like you said, but, then again, I think some variation isn’t bad. If you only have two, and one wants to wear a shawl, then I don’t think it would be too bad. How would your MOH feel about wearing a shawl? 

Post # 5
Member
671 posts
Busy bee

I personally dont like shawls at all. Especially shawls that I see bridesmaids wearing. What about a pashmina or a bolero? 

Post # 6
Hostess
11299 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with mandi.pitt could your MOH wear a shawl. One wedding I went to all the BMs had shawls but in the end they didn’t know what to do with them and ended up tying them around their necks and then behind their backs and it looked a bit scruffy and then took them off for dancing. You said she may want a shawl because she’s conscious of her arms, but I think you need to find out why she wants one to then see what type of shawl would go best.

Post # 7
Member
1792 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

At my friend’s wedding last fall, one of the 5 bridesmaids wore a shawl in a complementary color because she has to cover her arms for religious reasons. The shawl matched the sashes on 2 of the BM dresses (we were all allowed to choose our own dresses, some had sashes and others didn’t). Obviously, nothing was perfectly matchy matchy about it because we all had different dresses etc, but I think it looked fine. I’ll try to find a photo to attach.  I agree that maybe your MOH can wear a shawl too if you really want that matching look, but I don’t think its necessary.  Maybe you and your BM can compromise, she can wear the shawl during the ceremony and reception, but take it off for pictures since you want the girls to match?

Edit: technically what my friend wore was a bolero, not a shawl. Not sure if that matters. It was bought at DB’s along with the BM dresses we wore.

Post # 8
Member
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

maybe just ask her not to wear during the cermony and pictures. But anytime after that she can wear as she pleases.

Post # 9
Member
1792 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014
Post # 10
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m a plus size girl and I am NOT comfortable showing my arms. I’ve been a bridesmaid in a handful of weddings and my friends had no issues with me wanting to wear a shawl (even though I was the only one). If they would have had a problem with it, I probably wouldn’t have been in their weddings.

Someone who doesn’t know what it feels like to be self concious about a part of their body won’t understand but imo, you absolutely have to allow your bridesmaid to wear it. If she’s uncomfortable it will show. Would you rather have a beautiful, happy, shawl wearing bridesmaid or someone who feels self concious and probably won’t even smile in pictures? 

Post # 11
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

A lot of women are self-conscious about their arms. I’d step back and ask yourself “does it really matter in the end?” Will your guests be whispering to each other “Oh my God, one of them has a shawl and the other… doesn’t!”  You know what I mean? I wouldn’t stress.

 

 

Post # 16
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Ditto CaitMarae- I would probably pass if I couldn’t wear one.  So I would let her because in the end, who will care?  Think big picture here. 

ETA: or allow a different dress style that has sleeves.

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