(Closed) My BMs and I are disagreeing on the dresses… WWYD?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What should I do?
    Gently enforce my chosen colour and style of dress : (49 votes)
    56 %
    Gently enforce my chosen colour, let them choose style of dress : (35 votes)
    40 %
    Stay with black, and make them buy matching dresses : (1 votes)
    1 %
    Stay with black, and let them wear whatever they please : (2 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    2204 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    It’s your wedding, you get to the pick their dress. When they said yes to being a Bridesmaid or Best Man, this is one of things they HAVE to do.

    If it’s your vision to have all of your girls in matching dresses, then pick a dress and say that’s it. Don’t let them run the show.

    Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses are one of the biggest areas that you can infuse your colors into. Don’t back down.

    If I were you, I would consider making the one friend Maid/Matron of Honor. It sounds like you need some back-up support.

    Post # 4
    1271 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I have been a bridesmaid many times and I’m of the opinion that the bride can enforce color and style, so long as the bridesmaids get veto power if something looks god-awful ugly on them.  (e.g. a bridesmaid with boobs that require support refusing to wear a strapless dress, or a bridesmaid that looks sick in beige refusing to wear a taupe dress)

    So, for your wedding, I would pick what is most important to you (it sounds like color) and then let the girls pick their own style dress in that color, ala DB.

    Post # 5
    3261 posts
    Sugar bee

    It’s your wedding, and you choose the look you want for the bridesmaids. 

    Post # 6
    14337 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Enforce whatever you want to enforce.  If you really want a certain dress/color, tell them to suck it up and deal with it.  🙂  To the one that doesnt like cookie cutter matching dresses, TOO BAD!  If she doesnt like it, tell her not to do it for her own wedding.  To the one that wont wear blue… umm, I really dont know.  That is an odd one.  Can you do the orange dresses instead?

    Post # 7
    4803 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I would gently enforce your color choice – it is completely reasonable for you to choose the color. Just tell them the more you think about it the worse you feel about the black dresses, and you know blue may not be their favorite but it’s really important to you, and that you’d like them to have a big say in the dress style but you hope they can come around to the idea of wearing the color you love. If they say no, well…then they’re being selfish and you need to put your foot down.

    I would let them choose the style so long as it’s not something you dislike, they’ll be more comfortable and it will show on the day of the wedding.

    Post # 8
    1488 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    YOUR wedding, YOUR decision. Period.

    Post # 9
    33 posts
    • Wedding: October 2012

    You should enforce the color, however maybe let them choose their own style, especially if they have extremely different bodies, have you considered a Bridesmaid or Best Man gift, maybe you could pay a portion of the dress as their gifts? so they are not spending as much on something they may not like… but if they said yes to being a Bridesmaid or Best Man than they should accept whatever you want them to wear!

    Post # 10
    688 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    You are being way too nice- everyone knows when they accept a role as a bridesmaid, the bride picks the dress, color. BMs may not love it, but going along with waht the bride wants for their outfits is the biggest part of the responsibility. I may not love what my engaged gfs pick for me to wear but it’s their wedding, their vision, and they’re the ones looking at the pictures years from now ,not me. And i know that they feel the same for me.

    Go colorful, be nice about it, but tell them that you want it a certain way-it’s YOUR wedding!

    Post # 11
    2192 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I didn’t vote.  Your wedding.  This is the one time that you get to make the choice.  Pick out three dresses and let them fight it out over which one they want.  Make sure you say these are your only choices.  You get what you want and they get what they want, kinda. 🙂

    Post # 12
    46232 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    You said you already told them they could wear black. Have any of them already purchased a new dress? If so, I think it would be unfair of you to change your mind again.

    If not, then I think it’s ok to change your mind again and insist on a color. I would compromise and let them choose the style.

    Post # 13
    1093 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    You’re in the unfortunate position of being the first to get married. Your friends won’t understand where you’re coming from until it’s their turn to be the bride. But the bottom line is that what you say goes. Get your quasi-MOH to back you up on this, if you can. Having a “liaison” between bride and bridesmaids is very helpful in these situations.

    Post # 14
    6825 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Your wedding you get to pick what they wear. They don’t like then they can step down from being a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Sorry but if you let them do what they want you are pretty much getting stepped on.  You are the bride so if you want them to wear light blue, matching dresses then they should be wearing that. The only line that shouldn’t be crossed is what kind of shoes and how they wear their make up/hair. 

    Post # 15
    3461 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    No answers, just sympathy because I’m dealing with it myself.  Only my issue is my Maid/Matron of Honor, my dearest sister that wants a long dress not a short one, flat boring with no pizzaz, different from the BMs, etc.  She keeps saying “I’m the MOH!”  I told her once I outranked her, but that had little impact.  For her wedding, when I was only the Bridesmaid or Best Man, I wore the requested dress without comments about the color, cut, length, etc.

    Post # 16
    1351 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    A couple of mine didn’t like what I picked out at first, but in the end it’s my wedding. They agreed to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I picked a dress under the price I told them it would be, and I picked an empire style that’s the most flattering to different body styles. I can’t please everyone short of letting them pick their own styles. However, I don’t want 6 different styles, I want one Bridesmaid or Best Man dress. You don’t have to be rude about it, but just be like it is what it is and you appreciate them respecting your decision!

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