My Body, My Breast.. was it right my FI told his family?

posted 3 years ago in Beauty
Post # 3
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It sound to me like your fiance cares more about what his family thinks than your own feelings. Why did he HAVE to share that you are getting boobs with his mom? I think you should re evaluate your engagement and really think about if you want to marry this man, not because of the boob issue, but what it says about him and his character.  Just like the implants, there are many other things that you will not want to share with his parents.  Is he always going to have the need to share everything you do not want shared with his family?  It is ridiculous.  He needs to grow up.

This won’t be the last time you’ll be arguing with him about keeping something between you and him private.

I wish you very good luck with everything but remember that you are marrying this man for life.  Would you always want to deal with such things??

Post # 4
Member
3268 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@jdeleon14255:  I don’t really know what to say other than, yes it’s your body, and you should be happy in it and do what you want with it. And you should be able to trust your FI to keep things secret that you want him to keep secret. That’s bad that he violated your trust like that. If you are going to get married, he needs to get it in his head that YOU, his life partner with whom he lives and shares/will share everything, come before his mother!

It sounds like you do have the money for both the UK wedding and your boob job. If so, get your breast surgery and if your FI’s family doesn’t like it, well frankly screw them, it’s not THEIR body! And I guess if your FI is willing to call off the wedding for something like this, you have a lot of relationship work to do before it can be considered a solid enough relationship for entering into marriage. (sorry if that sounds harsh, I’m not trying to sound that way– just being direct).

Do the breast enhancement for you, when you want it. You worked hard to get in shape, it sounds like you genuinely feel this is what you need for yourself, and I don’t think family drama should hold you back. And I do think that such a betrayal of trust in your FI telling his mother when you specifically asked him not to, is a big deal and needs to be worked on.

Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

It’s nobody’s business (besides your FI) what you do with YOUR money and YOUR body. If this is something that is really affecting your self esteem, I say f*** ’em and do it. If they told you that you didn’t have to have a UK wedding (and they’re not helping you pay for it) it is your right to do what you want with your money.

 

Life’s too short to base what you want to do around other people! If they don’t like it, that’s their decision.

Post # 6
Member
2763 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Regardless of the fact that it will be obvious,  it is not anyone’s business & definitely doesn’t need to be a topic of conversation.  I would be so pissed. Nobody goes around talking about the people who don’t have implants so why do they feel the need to discuss those that do. It’s so rude & not something anyone should ever ask you or discuss with you. That’s how I feel.  If they whisper amongst themselves,  so be it. That really sucks bc now they’re going to feel like it’s ok to talk to you about.  I’m sorry hun. It’s such a private matter & your fiancé crossed the line. I don’t know how to move forward.  I guess the only thing you can do is, if it’s brought up to you by anyone,  just say it’s a personal matter that doesn’t need to be discussed.  As far as your fiancé goes…He needs to learn how to keep your personal matters private.  After all, he’s in a relationship with you, not the in laws!  I don’t think it’s a reason to put your surgery on hold though. Since they know,  they’re going to notice after you have them done,  regardless of when you do it. And who cares what they think about the money. It’s not their lives! Right?

Post # 7
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Also, your FI is going to have to realize that once you get married, you’re starting a new family. It’s not right to share every little thing that goes on between you two with his side of the family.

Post # 8
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

@jdeleon14255:  First, I’m really sorry you are going through this. I don’t understand why your FI thought it was appropriate to tell his mother ? The wedding you decided to have, and the surgery you decide to have, are separate things. It’s just as silly to say to a newlywed couple buying their first house, that they shouldn’t have spend that money over downpayment and pay for 150 guests to their wedding when they chose to have 50 guests. See where I’m going with this ..? Personal choices, personal priorities. It’s none of their business how you spend your money, especially when it affects your body image and self-esteem.

I’m sorry you had to cancel your surgery. I understand the pressure to please people around you, but to be honest, if I had worried that much about my own family, I would never have had my boobs done. That would have been awful, now that I know how much it has changed my life for the better and I’ve been happier and more confident in my life ever since I got this surgery done.

I only told my mother and my sister. Both were kind of against it, although I used to tell them, ever since I was 12, that if nature didn’t give me boobs, I would buy boobs myself. Like you, I couldn’t fill an A bra correctly. And weight gain didn’t change anything to it. I didn’t tell my mom the exact day I was having my surgery. I admit I lied to her on purpose, because I didn’t want her to know the date and be anxious all day at work. I called her the day after to tell her it was done and that I was feeling fine. My sister saw me 3 days after surgery and I felt even better.

For all I know, to this day my father still doesn’t know. Well, I doubt he knows, but not because my mom told him – I believe her when she promised she never told. I always wear more ample clothing when I visit my parents, never show cleavage, etc. I didn’t use to before my surgery either, and my surgery was done in March – still cold outside, wearing coats or wool shirt for winter, etc. It’s all about making other people’s eyes used to not seeing our breasts. They forget. They don’t notice as much. Nobody has ever told me ”hey did you get your boobs done ?” not even in lingerie store … so for others, they’re either my natural boobs, or my body has changed over time and they don’t remember how flat I was (but I used to wear double extra padding to appear to have ”something”, so they never saw how flat chested I actually was).

If this is what you want, go for it, and go grab your happiness, because nobody else is going to do it for you. If you feel insecure, then read as much as you can about the surgery. Go to reliable websites and read other women’s experience on forums. There are still so many myths going on about boob jobs. If anything, your readings should reassure you and allow you to take a firm decision next time.

If you have any question about the procedure or the implants, types, risks of surgery, recovery, and etc. etc. feel free to PM me. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
9533 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Did you tell your fiance you didn’t want him to talk to anyone about it? If so, that’s pretty sucky of him. But if you didn’t specifically tell him that, I wouldn’t be mad at him. If I was him I would assume that everyone is going to notice anyway (I mean, isn’t that the point?) so I wouldn’t think it was a secret that I couldn’t talk about. 

A completely different issue is that you’re so uncomfortable with people’s judgements that you’re unsure about the surgery. And that’s really just a personal deicsion for you. Is it better to have your small boobs and not deal with the judgement or get the surgery and deal with it. That’s really up to you. I don’t think people should judge you, but it’s unfortunately common with plastic surgery. Partially because people are so secretive about it. 

Post # 10
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I pretty much agree with everything all these ladies have commented on.  I know I would never be able to marry someone that had to share such a private matter with my inlaws.  Like they said before, it is not their body or their life, and you worked hard to save the money, so you shouldn’t stop the surgery for them.  If you are not going to have the surgery it should be because you decided not to have it, not because of what others think.

“go grab your happiness, because nobody else is going to do it for you.”  I couldn’t agree more with @jdeleon14255

Post # 11
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@jdeleon14255:  you need to do what is breast for you! Sorry – bad pun. Get the boob job. You sound like you really want this. People are always going to judge others about something. Don’t let their judgements prevent you from following your own wishes.

I am so disappointed that your FI did not respect your wishes to not tell his mom. I would sit him down and make it clear to him that you are a team, and it is his job to respect you and your wishes. He doesnt have to agree with how you want to proceed with telling others, but he has to accept it and support you. You would have told his mom when you were ready.

This is something that you are doing for YOURSELF. Don’t cancel it for someone else.

Post # 12
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@jdeleon14255:  I think your FI’s intentions were good.  It sounds like neither of you want judgement from family members about them thinking you should have had a bigger wedding rather than get your surgery.  It’s too bad that he did say something and you weren’t fully comfortable with the idea, but I don’t think it’s as simple as him just needing to tell his mother because they’re close (maybe it is, but I’m giving you another point of view).  Maybe he thought he was protecting you by saving you from the judgement of them finding out after the surgery.  I’m obviously speculating here, but just putting it out there.

Is your FI supportive of your choice to have the surgery?  If so, then I think maybe he did just try and break the ice early on.  If not, then maybe I’m wrong.

Don’t change your mind about the surgery simply because you’re feeling guilty.  You’ve obviously thought about the decision for a really long time, and made the efforts to save your money.  What you choose to spend it on isn’t any of their concern.  

Post # 13
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@jdeleon14255:  What. The. Heck?

Just because he is close to his mother, doesn’t mean he tells her THAT. That is outreageous. It is a breach of your trust in him.

I say do the surgery if you want, but don’t tell FMIL (or anyone else you’re not comfortable telling). Even if she asks about it, the answer is “it’s not your business”.

Post # 14
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@jdeleon14255:  Also, if none of the above advice helps, just go drive by their houses after surgery and do this:

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