Post # 1
My boss has asked me about 3 times in the past 2 months when I’m going to be getting engaged. I’ve told him that I don’t know exactly when; that I have good reason to believe it will be sometime in the next year but beyond that I don’t know. He keeps saying “You don’t have a say in it? Why don’t you know when you’re getting married?” My response has always been “I do have a say in it; we’ve talked about our general timeline, BF knows the kind of rings I like and knows my ring size, and I would prefer to be surprised”.
Honestly? I feel like it’s none of his business and I think it’s rude that he keeps asking and if it were anyone else, I would probably say exactly that. Since it’s my boss, I’m not really sure how to handle it. He’s not really that much older than me and he’s married (for the second time) so it’s not like he’s out of the loop on how proposals usually work!
Any advice? I’m trying not to be overly sensitive but it’s such an annoying question!
Post # 3
Not only is that annoying, but highly inappropriate. It would certainly be illegal to ask you about that if you were a potential employee, which may not be the case if you are already employed (no idea if it falls under sexual harrassment, which it very well might), but it’s definitely none of his business. Any boss would know that unless you are buddy-buddy with your employee (meaning, your employee is also your BFF from like, 8th grade or something), you should avoid discussing your employee’s marital status.
I would just sort of calmly, respectfully, and gently say something along the lines of, “You know, discussing this topic with you makes me a little uncomfortable. I appreciate the advice, but I’d prefer not to discuss my relationship with you. Thank you for understanding.”
Post # 4
Hmmmm I agree with PP…that’s a little inappropriate especially since it sounds like he’s bugging you about vs. having friendly conversation. Next time, maybe just say “I’ll be sure to let you know when it happens” and walk away or change the subject.
Post # 5
Well… that’s a little inappropriate and awkward. I really don’t think you owe him any details, including the ones you already gave. I would say, in a friendly way, “I’m not sure when I’m getting engaged. But when it happens you’ll certainly know about it!”
Post # 6
Thanks for the feedback…I think he thinks it’s “getting to know me” but even if the topic were different, the fact that he’s asked me multiple times over a short time period says to me that he’s not really listening to my answer anyway! He’s kind of awkward in general and doesn’t always pick up on normal social cues (i.e., changing the subject) so I guess I just need to be more direct about not wanting to discuss it with him.
Post # 7
I’m engaged and people always ask me “when’s the wedding?” but we don’t have a date yet. Rather than being serious, I just cheerily say “sometime in the future!” with a smile and then change the subject. Really it is none of his business, but if you say you don’t want to talk about it, he might think your relationship is in trouble which will just cause more questions or people talking about you behind your back.
Post # 8
My boss always asks me but only because her daughter (the same age) is getting married and she is wedding crazy and wants to share! I personally dont mind, but i think you just have to brush your boss off and not really answer his questions. He will get the hint.
Post # 9
It’s an inappropriate question from an HR point of view – but it may not be worth reporting. Try telling him to ask your FI, since he’s the one with the plan.
Post # 10
How awkward! He migh be feeling like he’s being relatable to a woman by asking stuff like that. I knew an idiot at work who use to ask me about shopping all the time. I think that was his way of relating to me. Because, you know, I shop (for groceries)
Maybe answer nicely/abruptly “how about this, when it happens, I’ll let you know but if you keep asking me I’m not going to be excited when he does.”
Post # 11
Hmm, that’s a little weird. I wouldn’t say anything of the sorts “I don’t feel comfortable discussing this with you” because it might make him apprehensive of you in general and ruin your relationship with him. I know my boss might be offended if I told him that. If my boss pressured me like that I would just say “it’ll happen when it happens”, give him a big broad smile, and ask him about his kids/life to change the topic. If he keeps insisting with questions, I’d just say “well, I’m happy to wait for a little longer until the perfect moment comes around”. I feel like you’re justifying yourself repeatedly a little too much. Just give him a generic answer and change the topic, that should drive the point home. Good luck!
ETA: Like other bees said, you can just answer “good question. why don’t you ask SO?” and leave it at that.
Post # 12
He is being rude in asking over and over again! If I was in your spot I would say “I dont want to be rude but I honestly believe it is nobodys business when I am getting married, when I find out you will definitely know!” That should shut him up! Just because he is your boss it does not give him the right to think he can get into your business! Sorry, just my opinion.
Post # 13
I probably will tell him to call BF if he asks again haha. I do think he might take it the wrong way if I were to tell him (politely) to mind his own business because a lot of people in my company tend to be extremely open about their personal lives with one another (weirdly so IMO). His question isn’t really that unusual in and of itself, moreso that he brings it up so often and the fact that he’s my boss and not a random coworker.
Who knows, maybe I’ll get lucky and by the next time he asks, I’ll already be engaged 🙂
Post # 14
I don’t think you’re obligated to give anyone a response on that. It’s a weird question. I’d just say “I already told you, I don’t know” and change the subject.
If you deal well with awkwardness, a good way to shut him up might be to ask why he’s so antsy, and if he was hoping to beat your BF to it, hahahaha. That’d be awful, but I bet he wouldn’t ask again.
Post # 15
Depends how your relationship with him is. My boss has asked me “when are you gonna stop living in sin?” and “do you want me to have a ‘talk’ with him?”. However we have a friendly relationship and we laugh these things off. He knows i am anxiously waiting a proposal.
If you dont have a relationship like that i would just tell him you dont know and leave it at that.
Post # 16
If you feel uncomfortable or annoyed with the constant prodding, I would say something like the other ladies have suggested. I don’t think it falls under sexual harrassment, but it could definitely fall under general harrassment. However, you have to make it known to him that it’s not something you want to discuss with him. I would just tell him that you really don’t know when it will happen, you hope soon and you’ll share when it happens but for now, you’d rather not keep discussing it because it makes you anxious. It’s great to have a good relationship with a boss/coworker, but sometimes people try a little too hard and end up coming off as nosy and annoying.