Post # 1
So things backfired on me with my boyfriend and I want to turn things around and get him back.
We met about a month and a half ago and started going out a little over a month ago. He 32, smart, funny, charismatic, and good looking (but he’s not vain). I’m in my late 20s.
So we’ve gone on a bunch of dates and we had a terrific time. We really have gotten to know each other and enjoy spending time in each other’s company. Especially for me since I can’t really remember the last time I went on a real date! He started to get “physical” on our second date. We kissed – and passionately at that (!) but I didn’t let things go further.
So he’s been “gently nudging” toward sex since. We got together this past Monday and things steamed up a bit but I didn’t let it get past “making out.” He said that we should have a talk about us and why we haven’t “done it” yet. I told him that I am very attracted to him and that I want it to be special for both of us when we eventually do “do it.” I also said (white lied a bit here…) that I’m not the kind of girl who jumps into bed with a guy easily and that I have certain values and hope he understands and does too. He was quiet so we called it a night. We had an awkward kiss and then he left.
Yesterday he called and said we should meet up for a coffee so we did. He was different and kind of contemplative. He said that he thought about what I said on Monday and that he respects me for my values and outlook on sex and that he doesn’t want to push me to do anything I wasn’t comfortable with. I felt great until he added that in his view we’ve waited long enough and since he doesn’t want to push me he’s decided that we should be just platonic friends. He said that he can no longer view me in a romantic way. I was stunned but he was very polite about it and everything.
So I’d appreciate some advice on how I can get him back without it looking like I’m making a 180 degree u-turn on things.
Post # 2
Are you sure you want to get back with him? I mean he dumped you because you wouldn’t have sex with him. I’d say good riddance and move on.
Post # 3
I agree with PP. He broke up with you politely, and if he hadn’t done so, I would have called him an a**. Let him go, he’s not worth it.
Post # 4
I know it’s your decision, but please don’t get back together with him! This guy sounds like an asshat…
Post # 5
GracieMarie: it sucks. But it was only a month and a half with him and he saw the relationship going in a different direction than it was. You need to meet someone who shares your values
Post # 6
GracieMarie: Wow, I think he simply dumped you for not wanting to have sex with him. It’s harsh, but seems like what happened. Do you really want to be with someone who is that “shallow?”
A month is really not that long to wait, so I don’t see why it should have been an issue if he truly liked you. I understand it sucks and you like him, but it doesn’t seem promising if he was willing to break up with you over this.
Post # 7
GracieMarie: never ever waste your time on someone who doesn’t want you. Life is too short for that, there are too many men in the world for that. Let him go.
Post # 8
You could always tell him the truth. I know that’s not the most attractive option you have, but I think that’s one of the best things you could do to get him back.
I do, however, think you should probably just chalk this up as a loss. He broke up with you in a very respectful way, which I do appreciate, but the reason for him doing so was that he thought a month was a long enough wait. Do you really want to be with a guy who thinks that way?
Post # 9
Sorry I agree with the PP he is a ass and if can’t respect that you want to wait he is so not worth it. Better catches in the sea.
Post # 10
He wanted sex. That was all. This was not a guy looking to fall in love. Honestly, he did you a favor.
Post # 11
GracieMarie: I suggest that you move on. He sounds like a good guy in that he was very respectful of your wishes and didn’t try to be manipulative. But ultimately, it sounds like he’s not seriously interested in you if he’s breaking up with you because you haven’t had sex after only a month.
Assuming that you are on the market for a serious guy, I think that you are taking a sensible approach.
Post # 12
GracieMarie: Move on and find someone who shares your values. It’s not worth it to try and get him back, and honestly I can’t think of a way to get him back without doing a 180 turn on intimacy.
This would send the wrong message. You don’t want to have a relationship in which the guy sees you as the girl willing to completely abandon her values just to appease him and have a chance of being with him.
Besides, a guy who wants a deep and meaningful relationship would not dump you over sex.
Post # 13
- Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa
Well, in your late 20’s, early 30’s a month and a half is quite some time to wait unless one of the people involved is a virgin. Just my 2c. If you genuinely have feelings for this guy and see a future with him, by all means chase him down, but tread carefully. A guy once dumped me for the same reson, but we were 18 and it had been a week- totally different story! At this point in your life you know what you want- is it him?
Post # 14
I am going to be the 1% here and say that most posters are blowing this out of proportion. He handled the situation well, and I think you did, too! You stood up for what you wanted and didn’t have sex with him, weren’t pressured into having sex, and that’s awesome. However, I don’t think he’s acting like an asshole nor is he shallow. He didn’t force you to have sex, he didn’t force you to be uncomfortable, at this moment your wants in a relationship and his wants in a relationship are clearly on different levels, and that’s okay. Instead of pressuring you & his wants and needs not being fulfilled, he broke it off. How is that asshole behavior? How is that shallow? There’s nothing wrong with wanting a sexual relationship early on, just like there isn’t anything wrong with not wanting it. I think you both just wanted different things from the relationship, and that’s okay. I wouldn’t wait for him, I’d just move on and call it a life experience. ETA: Screw you, Weddingbee and your shitty broken layout.
Post # 15
- Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa
I just want to add that I disagree with all the PP that he must be a jerk or whatever because he is dumping you over this. Sex is a big part of emotional intimacy and healthy reltionships, and as much as us ladies would like to believe otherwise, for a guy it almost always starts out as a sexul attraction and turns into something deeper- to demand the opposite seems naive.