My boyfriend asked me how many sexual partners I have had

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: You make oral sex in how many guys in your life?
    None : (9 votes)
    9 %
    1-5 : (61 votes)
    59 %
    6-10 : (16 votes)
    16 %
    11-30 : (12 votes)
    12 %
    31 or More : (5 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 2
    2355 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    That’s a question that benefits nobody. It shouldn’t be asked or answered. I wouldn’t change the number now that you have given him one.

    Post # 3
    2649 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Doguinha:  You should have refused to answer in the first place.  It’s none of his business and those kind of conversations only ever lead to an argument and a grudge. 

    You can either let the lie stand or come clean to the extent that you did lie but don’t want to and won’t discuss this.  I’m assuming neither of you were virgins when you met so why does he need detail beyond that unless it’s to judge you somehow? 

    Lets face it, there is still a huge double standard out there.  Men have no problem with premarital sex but still want THEIR women to have low numbers.  God forbid a woman have a higher number than her man! If your dude just asked in a moment of bad judgement and can let this go, great.  If he’s focused on your past and won’t let it go, that’s a counseling worthy problem.  You do not owe him an answer – don’t let him make you feel that you do. 

    Neither my husband or I know each other’s numbers and we don’t want to know.  It’s irrelevant.  

    Post # 4
    8677 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Since you’ve already lied to him, don’t bother changing it. He’ll be more upset that you lied to him and didn’t trust him with telling the truth to even care about “your number.”

    Post # 5
    556 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    My husband and I were just talking about this last night. I made a comment that we’ve never asked eachother for details of our sexual past. His comment was “Who wants THAT picture in their head?!?”  

    I think the “how many” question is stupid and will lead to jealousy and weird feelings. The past is the past. Leave it there.

    Post # 6
    5697 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I disagree. You should probably tell him the truth at this point. i don’t believe it’s anyone’s business but now you’ve straight up lied about it and if your relationship is long term it will eventually come out that it’s been a lot more than 3. 

    Post # 7
    557 posts
    Busy bee

    Hmm my SO and I had that conversation drunkenly quite early on in our relationship. I said 7…as in 7 men who I have had vaginal intercourse with. Oral? I couldn’t even tell you…not because the number is even 20, but just because it isn’t memorable for me. I didn’t have vaginal intercourse until I was 21, before that I did other things. SO and I met when I was 30 and I only dated 4 guys for 5+ months during my whole “single” life. Thats a lot of single life with a lot of couple week long relationships… 🙂

    Post # 8
    4072 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    Did you not post this exact thread before and then delete it? I seem to remember it. Are you just asking the Bees because you’re dying to know our numbers and opinion on oral sex, or is this an issue you’re still debating with your partner?

    Post # 9
    371 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2000

    Doguinha:  It’s a question it would never occur to me to ask my husband, nor do I think it would occur for him to ask me. We have appropriate discussions about what goes and what doesn’t in our relationship (when it comes to third parties) and both had full STI exams and results before we became intimate (always a hard line in the sand for me). It’s not about avoidance, about us not being able to handle the fact that we have a past sexual history, it’s much more like, “and… Who cares?”

    To ask it in that manner, to fixate on the number seems pretty immature to me. That, combined with your instinct to lie about it doesn’t bode well.

    Your poll seems a non-sequitur. What does it matter how many partners a very specific subset of women have had compared to you? 

    Post # 10
    2052 posts
    Buzzing bee

    bowsergirl:  I think this is actually the 3rd time this has been posted.

    It’s kind of making me suspicious of OPs motivations.

    Post # 11
    643 posts
    Busy bee

    MrsWishyWashy:  I agree with this. Neither of us want to know. We weren’t virgins when we met and that’s enough information for me. 

    Post # 12
    878 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    I’ve had 4. He has had 12. That’s for vaginal sex. His past is the past and he had a “slutty” phase in early college. Whatever. I wouldn’t lie to him

    Post # 13
    4483 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    I wouldn’t have lied. FI knows my number, but had I not wanted to share, I wouldn’t have made something up. I might fess up, explaining you were caught off guard, and you can honestly say you’re not comfrotable with the question.

    Post # 14
    6449 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Soooo third time you’ve posted this, right?

    Post # 15
    889 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I think it’s normal to know these things. With my DH or exes it hasn’t caused any arguments. 

    I only counted vaginal intercourse, not oral. 

    I would tell him that you’ve been caught a little off-guard and were afraid of what he’d think, so you told him three. However, since he asked you wanted to be honest and it’s actually xy (number of vaginal intercourse). So it soon though, I’d be upset if my SO had lied to me and much more so it had taken him a long time to put things straight. 

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