Post # 1
So my boyfriend’s younger sister just got engaged! Even before this, since we knew they were serious, when my boyfriend talked about their wedding he fully expects to be a groomsman and me to be one of his sister’s bridesmaids. I told him I don’t necessarily think so and that he shouldn’t get upset if neither/one of us doesn’t get asked to be in wedding party. I told him its more likely that he would be a groomsman since he friends with the groom but not to expect his sister to pick me and he got mad and went off on a rant. lol.
Some background on us. We’ve been dating for 9 years now and both of us are close with his sister and her fiance (my boyfriend and he were high school friends but then went to different colleges and didn’t connect until they started dating)
Obviously we’ll deal with it when the situation comes, whether it be ecstatic at being included or consoling my boyfriend if we’re not (or calming him down if he’s asked but not me).
Just wondering other Bee’s thoughts on this. Mainly because I’m bored at work. lol.
Post # 3
I don’t think it would be a given to have both of you in the wedding party. I would not feel upset if that happened to me.
Post # 4
I am also bored but at school haha. I don’t think anyone should really “expect” to be in the bridal party. What if they decide not to have a bridal party at all? Or a very small bridal party? So i think you are right, i hope your bf doesnt get too disappointed if he isnt picked
Post # 5
I’d be jealous, but I’d keep it quiet beacuse it isn’t a right, nor a given it’s the brides choice ultimately.
Post # 6
I hope he isn’t too upset if both or one of you is not picked. I had a hard time with my wedding party and I got a bit of backlash for not asking my FI’s brother’s wife. I really like her she’s great but we don’t hang out outside of family functions and I already had some very close friends and cousins that wanted to be asked and if I was having a larger Bridal Party would have been asked. It’s stressful enough to plan a wedding, make sure he doesn’t cause more stress for her.
Post # 7
I dont think anyone should ever expect to be in a wedding party. The last few weddings we went to didnt even have a wedding party and we arent having one either!
Post # 8
I would expect that he would at least be an usher, but I don’t think you should expect to be in it since you are not engaged yet.
Post # 9
This happened to me. My Fiance thought that I was going to be asked to be a bridesmaid in his sister’s wedding last year. At the time we have been dating for 6 years and we were engaged. She didn’t ask me to be in her bridal party, she didn’t even ask me to fill in when one of her bridesmaids resigned.
My advice is to not expect it. I was expecting it and it really hurt me that I wasn’t chosen to be in her bridal party. I dreaded all of her wedding related events because I was upset. I don’t want you to have to go through that like I did.
Post # 10
It’s funny how guys sometimes get upset in ways that…more typically…women do. My bridesmaids couldn’t care less what order they’re in…however, my fiance’s groomsmen are bickering about it. His youngest brother, with whom he has a weird relationship, was first offended because he was even asked…and then was offended because he was asked to be fourth, not second. !!
Post # 11
No one should ever expect to be asked to be in a person’s wedding party. That honor is the decision of the bride and groom, so if they ask him, great. If they don’t, he should be a gracious guest and support his sister on her special day, with no complaints. The event, after all, isn’t about him!
Post # 12
I think he should set up to be disappointed (and further excluded) if he reacts badly if his sister doesn’t want to choose you. I hope that was just a vent to you – honestly, the bride may have friends that she feels closer to than you and forcing her to choose you over her friends is just going to hurt her relationship with her brother.
I would try to talk some sense into him before he approaches his sister….
Post # 13
@MelnChris: Oh yeah just a vent to me. He would never ask her or insist that I be included. He was just completely shocked when I said not to expect it because apparently it never crossed his mind that we would not be included. I just thought it was so funny that he’s thought more about his how his sister’s wedding would go than ours! (mainly because he’s positive he wants to elope. lol)
Post # 14
I also do not think that you should assume. If the bride does not pick you she will have her own reasons, and I am sure that it will not have anything to do with wanting to hurt your feelings or not include you. She might have others plans/needs for you in the wedding. And remember, if you are not picked it does not mean that she does not want you involved
Post # 15
perhaps just wait until you both cross that bridge? right now you both don’t know if they will pick you two or not. so it’s kinda like judging the future when you don’t know for sure what the future will hold. no reason to spend brain power thinking about it until it happens or doesn’t happen.
Post # 16
i think him being involved in the wedding in some way (either usher, groomsman or giving a reading) is fairly likely but not a given
whether youre a bridesmaid depends on various things like whether she has sisters, how many close friends she has and how many bridesmaids she wants. i hope he isnt offended if you arent asked. the bridesmaids are normally the people the bride feel closest to. i personally asked my fi’s sister…but i know a lot of brides dont
prepare him in case you or he arent in the wedding though!!