(Closed) My boyfriend gave me his grandmothers ring and I dont like it.

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
39 posts
Newbee

If you’re going to be married to him, he’s likely going to find out eventually. It might hurt him to tell him so soon (if you were proposed to recently, that is), but at some point I think you might want to have a conversation with him about why he wanted you to have that ring. It might not just be for an emotional reason like, “It was Grandma’s.” It might also be because of his financial situation.

With more information, you can make a better decision. 

Also, my FH and I have a set of friends who got married over a year ago. When he proposed to her, he didn’t have the money to get her the ring she wanted, so the ring she got was not a very classic-looking ring. After they were married for a year, she chose for her first year anniversary present to be an “upgrade” (she got a whole new ring and stone, etc) and he chose an expensive thing for himself as well. That might be something you could do. You could also try to swing it like, “It’s your grandmother’s ring and I just get so nervous wearing something so precious and full of memories out in public.” Etc.

Post # 4
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

That is a very tricky situation, I have no advice for you just wanted to say congrats on your engagement.

Post # 5
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@elewis:  

Keep quiet and don’t mention it.

I too have my FI’s grandmother’s ring that I don’t like and cannot be altered. But it is an important family heirloom that signifies your acceptance into the family and is rich with tradition. I agree with Izzypig it could also be about his financial situation.

My ring also doesn’t fit properly–but listen, wear the thing with pride and tell everyone you love it, especially his family. They will love you, he will love you, and that is much more important than getting exactly the ring you wanted.

Post # 6
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@freshturkey:  This is good advice!

 

Also, you don’t have to wear it after marriage. So you can look for a wedding band that you’ll love on it’s own. 

Post # 7
Member
11760 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Congrats on your engagement! I’d probably keep quiet for now about it, but broach the subject of upgrading/getting your own ring later (maybe for your first anniversary?) I wouldn’t want to upset my FI’s family so I wouldn’t bring it up until after I was married personally!

I’d feel so honored to be given such an important piece of family jewelry. Wear it proud and feel special knowing they think highly enough to share that with you!

Also, get an awesome wedding band and you can wear the heirloom on your right hand after if you want? 

Post # 8
Member
2905 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Oh this is a sticky one. I agree with others, get a beautiful wedding band that you LOVE and wear grandmas ring on your other hand. 

Post # 9
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee

@freshturkey:  This is great advice and I have to agree with it.

Sorry OP! This is a tough situation to be in 🙁

Post # 10
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I would wear it until the wedding and bask in the warmth of knowing that you are loved and accepted into his family. That is a rare treat indeed 🙂 I would concentrate only on the positive and omit that it is not your style.

Pick the wedding band that is your style and that you absolutely love and then just wear it after the wedding. If he asks about his grandma’s ring, you could tell him the truth that it does not really work with your wedding band 🙂 and it hurts your finger. 🙂 That way you will spare his feelings 🙂

Post # 11
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee

@freshturkey:  this is excellent advice. if it means a lot to his family then keep up appearances!

OP, you don’t need to wear it after you’re married. And make sure you ‘fall in love’ with a wedding band that doesn’t fit so you have a good excuse to wear that one instead!

(my mum is ‘allergic’ to her engagement ring but i wonder if she really is or not. she says she’s allergic to the platinum setting, but i thought platinum was hypoallergenic? either way – she only wears her wedding band).

Post # 12
Member
8044 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@elewis:  If I were you, I’d tell him. In some ways it’s nice to get a heirloom ring, but not everyone wants one, and I don’t think you’re being ungrateful. If it isn’t something you’d pick yourself, then you need to tell him. Obviously you want to approach the subject in a way that doesn’t make you seem spoiled, but I think that if you have to wear it every single day forever then you should like it. That’s why I am in favor of ladies picking their own ring or at least having some say in the ring buying process if they care about that sort of thing.

Post # 13
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I may be in the minority here. But… I have a big problem with heirloom rings or dresses or anything so personal for that matter. That ring is your fi’s grandmother’s dream ring and part of her history not yours. You should have the ring that is special to you and part of your love story. Even if it is about finances there are plenty of options for rings so that you could find something affordable that you love. If you are getting married you should know better than anyone his finanical situation.

Personally I think that it is selfish and vulgur pushing something that is so personal like an engagement ring on others. Yes maybe it has meaning and is special to her but it should be special to you not someone else. I would definately tell him the sooner the better. Be kind and say “while this was very thoughtful of your grandmother I always hoped that I could have the ring of my dreams to go with the man of my dreams.”

I want to clarify that if this was the ring that you wanted and if you saw it and loved it and said so, then this would have been a wonderful gesture. However engagement rings are very personal and especially one that is so unique it isn’t right to push this on you. I think that you saying something would not be rude they shouldn’t have put you in this situation to begin with unless they knew for certain that you would love the ring.

Good luck dear and make sure that you stay gracious but don’t settle because your afraid to hurt their feelings. This should be a very important time in your life and an engagement ring is the most important piece of jewelry that you will ever receive and I think your feelings and your future husbands should be the most important in this situation.

Post # 14
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Wear it, smile and be happy. Contrary to some posters, I believe it is a beautiful gesture.

I would have been honored.  My husband was married before me, and gave his mother’s ring to his daughter, before he met me.  She wanted to know if he wanted to give it to me.  I have my grandmother’s ring and I cherish it, there is no way I would have taken that ring from her.  She was the only grandchild his mother knew (his son was born after his mother passed) and his daughter should have.

Get a nice wedding band and wear both.

 

Post # 15
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Fair-ytalelove:  Re: “That ring is your fi’s grandmother’s dream ring” – I’m not sure that’s a fair assumption. When our grandmothers were at the stages of getting engaged (at least, so they say) women didn’t have any say in the choosing of their ring at all – the man would go out and buy it and then propose. Women didn’t pick out “dream rings” back then as far as I am aware (from speaking to older relatives). 

Post # 16
Member
2026 posts
Buzzing bee

I vote to wear it while you are engaged and then get a wedding band you really like. Wear the band of your choice all the time and just wear the e-ring with your wedding band on special occasions and around the family. If he questions it, tell him you are worried about every day wear because of the improper fit and you would hate to lose a precious family heirloom.

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