My boyfriend has a boyfriend…(long rant)

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@beetee123:  That’s ridiculous. The guy obviously has some serious mental issues. Your SO letting him take advantage of his time like that is insane as well. He needs to tell this guy straight up that there need to be more boundaries and he cannot contact him constantly, and also that it is inappropriate to essentially be harrassing an 18 year old coworker. I know if I were that girl, I wouldn’t feel safe around someone this blatantly unstable.

Post # 4
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@beetee123:  FI had a friend like that before we were engaged. I think she wanted him to be single so he would be able to take on more of an emotionally supportive role for her (I don’t think she wanted to date him but she definitely wanted him to be her “boyfriend” in other ways). She was calling all the time, demanded to be picked up from places when we were out on dates, borrowed quite a bit of money from him, was really rude about me to him, and was seeing him proably more than I was seeing him (we weren’t living together at that point).

After a while FI realised that it wasn’t a healthy friendship so he just stopped doing the ridiculous things and she found some new friend to look after her, but he’s very trusting and always sees the good in people so it took a while!

I tried to talk to him about it but he took a lot of what I was saying as being jealous of her (you probably won’t have that problem because he’s another guy) so I was stuck with her for a little longer. We did end up having a few fights because I was angry that he was giving her money and spending so much time with her when she was trying to break us up. He took that as me being the crazy jealous girlfriend (which she helped him realise) but then he realised what she was doing and we haven’t heard from her in about five years! Yay! 😛

Just be honest with him about your feelings, and it might take a little while but he will realise this guy is a douche! 

 

 

Post # 5
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@beetee123:  My husband has one of those. Great guy, but clingy as hell. When DH doesn’t answer his phone this guy will call me and ask if he’s mad at him. 

Post # 7
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@beetee123: Oh dear, well I hope that this pans out for the best. 🙁 

Post # 8
Member
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@beetee123:  Similar, yes, but my issue is me having a girlfriend that I do not want! lol. We used to be “call each other up, have a drink on the porch and chat for an hour or two every 3-4 weeks” kinda friends. That was it. I used to call her my “front porch friend”. She an ex-co-worker. We have been mild friends for about 3 years. Now, all the sudden her life is falling apart. She’s 50, divorced, her kids treat her like a doormat and now she lost one of her jobs. Which left her unable to pay rent, about to get evicted and only working one day this week, two days next week. So I guess on average 48 hours A MONTH. Which has now left her with A LOT of free time. 

I don’t know what to do, she is SMOTHERING ME! I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but damn. If I don’t answer her she’ll call me 5 times, then text me every two hours until I respond. EVERY SINGLE DAY. I recently switched jobs and I’m at work until 3-4am Mon., Wed. and Thurs. nights and she will text me, even at 3am just to ask me how work is going…how much did I make in tips…will my FI be home tomorrow…let me know she just got back from the grocery store…let me know how she can’t sleep so she’s going for a walk. OMG! I really feel horrible avoiding her, I can’t tell her to fuck off, I just can’t. So I’m crossing my fingers that she gets a second job STAT!

Post # 9
Member
234 posts
Helper bee

@beetee123:  I have a friend like that, not nearly a quarter as bad as that and she is annoying as hell. She’s just as petty and dramatic, just doesn’t attach to me like a leach. Except for recently because she got broken up with -.-

I’m really trying to distance myself but I feel like all of her close friends are just as shallow as she is so I felt bad for her…

This guy probably has no friends and is trying in the wrong ways to keep your FI close because its all he has. But I’m no psychologist 😉 

Post # 10
Member
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Those “friends” are the worst.  Hopefully he finds someone new to annoy! 

Post # 11
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

DH had kind of a ‘clinger’ friend that didn’t quite understand boundaries.

He had a couple of Smirnoff malts and slept in DH’s apartment once. Attempted it on the foot of the bed. DH was really, really not impressed and had to boot him to the couch. It was that bad.

The students in DH’s year in school are split into several different architecture studios where they have their own space to work on projects. This guy was in DH’s studio and would get upset with DH when he would go do work in the other studios to hang out with his other friends.

Fortunately, if you are good about setting clear boundaries, the solution can be simple. Your SO can’t do much at work, other than say, “I think it is inappropriate to discuss (girl’s name) with you, so let’s talk about something else.”

At home, all he has to do is turn off his phone or put it away. Problem solved. The guy will eventually take a hint. At home time is at home time, no unwanted interruptions.

Post # 12
Member
1175 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@beetee123:  I am having a similiar situation with a mutual co-worker to both my fiance and I.  Frankly, I don’t like the guy.  I have said so on many occasions.

My problem is this guy constantly texts and calls my fiance.  And more often than not the comments made are about pot or meth.  We all work in a strickly drug free environment, and with very good reason.  We all haul poison, in very large quantaties.

My fiance is very nice, to everyone……including this clown.  He doesn’t want to befriend the guy, but at the same time he won’t just tell him to go away.

My fiance and I are both in recovery, and have been clean for years.  So this is a HUGE strike against this guy because he has been told several times to knock it off.  Yet he continues.  I am impatiently waiting to run in to him accidently on purpose so I can tell him off to his face.

I don’t really have any advice for you other than to voice your opinion to your SO about it.   This guy sounds like a whacko, and I don’t blame you at all for how you feel.  Sorry you are dealing with this……I can totally relate.

 

 

 

Post # 14
Member
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

@beetee123:  You can’t control how this guy acts. I would be focusing on your SO and explaining that you need there to be more boundaries with this friend. Your SO is just as guilty for how that friendship works because he is allowing it to happen. If it’s a problem, it’s as easy as saying “hey F, I love ya man but you need to chill out on the messages and phone calls. I like hangin out but it’s getting a bit excessive buddy.” if he gets mad, oh well. If need be the friendship will end, that’s my opinion. I wouldn’t keep someone around who was that obsessive just to have a friend to play video games with.

Post # 15
Member
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

@beetee123: I would most definitely encourage him to not take work phone calls after hours. If he’s not getting paid overtime, than no. Just no lol. I don’t work in retail but when I leave my job, it stays here. Unless they are going to pay me to be on call in some way. I can see one or two calls here or there in a bind. But it doesn’ tsound like that is what this guy is doing.  

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