My Boyfriend is a Sloth

posted 2 weeks ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
909 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

jeshicat :  Based on your dynamic, I think you’re just going to have to sit him down and be frank with him. Have an honest converstaion. He doesn’t sound like a go-getter, so that might work best for him.

Or..you could propose to him? Maybe he would like that? Take the pressure off him?

Post # 3
Member
1918 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

jeshicat :  its your life too and you have the right to know where he is at with all of this. You need to talk to him and push for an honest answer on this.

You should never be scared to talk about this stuff with your partner. You won’t push the right person away and if they do run then you never really had them anyway. Four years is honestly enough time for him to know if this is what he wants….

Post # 6
Member
909 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

jeshicat :  Guys typically don’t get to the same excitment level as women do when it comes to being proposed to. After DH proposed, he chugged a beer and was glad it was over. Then he was super chipper, lol. There’s a lot of expectations for a guy when it comes to a proposal. Maybe that’s what he’s feeling. DH was excited on the actual wedding day. But he didn’t really enjoy the whol wedding planning process.

Post # 7
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

It sounds like he isn’t sure if he even wants to propose which after 4 years and being in his late 20s…that’s concerning. 

Seems like he may have bigger issues he needs to sort out like his general indecisiveness and self esteem issues (what does weight have to do with proposing?). So it may not be you at all, maybe it is just him. But what he’s dealing with impacts you and isn’t fair to you. Maybe try couples counseling but at a certain point you have to decide how long you are willing to wait. 

Post # 8
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I was 34 about to turn 35, we knew we were the one, and I sat him down and said I need a timeline because of physiological factors.  He said give me 6 months, and that’s what he took.    Just get him to commit to a timeline then stop talking about it. 

Post # 11
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee

sounds like he doesn’t want to get married

Post # 13
Member
883 posts
Busy bee

It always concerns me when grown men (or women) refuse to talk about something that’s important to their partner. Your BF doesn’t have to answer questions about when he will propose from his mother, his co-worker, or his best friend, but he does have to answer you, or he should if he wants a healthy relationship. If he is feeling pressure, he needs to manage that in order to be able to talk to you and give you an honest answer. Pressure is not an excuse for shutting your partner down. In turn, you need to manage your shyness and avoidence tendencies and be able to talk to him honestly.

Talk to him and come up with a concrete timeline for when you both want to become engaged by. If he says, “well, how will I know?” than you need to do some thinking, because that indicates that he isn’t sure he wants to get married.

Post # 14
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

jeshicat :  Based on what you said, it sounds like because of personal things he’s dealing with he has reservations about marriage.

If he is worried about being the center of attention you could elope or have a tiny wedding. If he doesn’t like to plan you can buy a ring together and he can just present it to you when you’re alone at home. 

Every obstacle you give him has a practical solution…unless he isn’t sure about marriage itself. Then he can use his weight, his disinterest in planning, feeling “pressured” (which is really just your moms asking a straightforward question) and all those other excuses to justify why he hasn’t proppsed. 

But as long as you’re willing to wait then maybe he will come around one day. 

Post # 15
Member
883 posts
Busy bee

Bee, he says marriage is important to him, yet he won’t talk about it, he is waffling and indecisive and that’s not fair to you. You don’t have to set a timeline of a week, but I would let him know that this isn’t a joke to you and you are serious about marriage and your future together.

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