My Boyfriend is Acting Strange About the Ring. Advice? :( I Am Bummed Out

posted 3 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
5308 posts
Bee Keeper

@syrupNhoney:  That is just…..strange. Could he be getting gun shy about becoming engaged, like maybe being so close to have the ring is making it all “real”? Maybe this ring is just something he had in his his head that he has totally idealized and now the reality can’t live up to it? Sometimes the anticipation of something is better than the reality of it.

Post # 4
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@syrupNhoney:  I know he previously told you that he wanted you to design your own ring, but it sounds to me like he’s regretting that. It seems he wants to design the ring. It sounds like he feels the ring has nothing to do with him and is all about you. It is after all supposed to be his gift to you. I suggest asking him if he wants to redesign the whole thing from scratch. 

Post # 5
4224 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

It sounds like he liked the other design and told you that.  The “warning” that you would have to do 90% of the work if you got involved seems kind of passive agressive to me.  Like he did not want you involved and that was his way of asking you to leave it to him.  So, I would apologize and ask to step back from it, and let him surprise you… maybe just ask for no bezel…  OR,  just get it how you want it.  But I am not sure how you can appease him to feel happy about it.  It is tough.  If you have very different tastes you will either both have to compromise, or one of you will have to get over it.


Post # 7
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@syrupNhoney:  I agree with the others – it sounds like he ended up giving up more control than he meant to, and is now just passive-aggressively “giving up”. Can you try to involve him more? For example, sit down with him and ask him his favorite one or two things about his original ring, and then brainstorm together how to add those elements into the ring you’re designing. Also, maybe ask him to name one or two things he doesn’t like about the current design, and focus on changing them to something he likes?

Post # 8
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@syrupNhoney:  I agree with everyone else. I would suggest you scrap both rings. Go together to begin a new design incorporating both of your tates. After all, the dream ring was found before he found you. Almost like he chose it for someone else. You will both have to compromise on this. If you can’t figure this out together in a way that pleases you both then perhaps you should consider waiting a little longer to marry. When you are married you will have to make all sorts of choices as a “we” not as what I want or what he wants.  

Post # 10
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m sorry but you are the one who has to wear it!!  YOU need to love it.  Its going to be on your hand for the next forever.  As soon as he got you involved in the process he should have expected that there would be a few changes…because by getting you involved it means you have input and should be allowed to ask for what you want.

Post # 11
6365 posts
Bee Keeper

I think he doesn’t like that the design doesn’t reflect him at all (and therefore, it doesn’t have that important unity feel you were going for).

I say, scrap this design and tell him you want to start again… making sure HE is in the lead in the process this time. Make it very clear that what you WANT is it to reflect his choices, not just the choices you would pick for a ring you would give yourself. That you would be honored to wear a design he comes up with. You would be happy to provide input when and if he requests it but you’re going to love the ring because you love that it will reflect him. I’m sure you will re-ignite things this way 🙂

Post # 12
277 posts
Helper bee

@syrupNhoney:  Maybe show him some things you want/don’t want in a ring, and ask him to design it. Push that you know he has good taste and could do an amazing job surprising you with the information you give him. He seems bummed about losing that “surprise” factor. Good luck!

Post # 13
2529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@syrupNhoney:  I think it’s extremely strange that your boyfriend had a dream ring. I think it’s even stranger that this happened before you met. It’s all strange. I’m a bit skeeved out by this whole story. I personally would run from this guy.


Post # 15
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Sounds to me like he has a few issues with communication. If he just went along with everything and is now passive-aggressively punishing you for picking what you liked instead of his ‘dream’, that is pretty poor form. Sit down and talk with him about what he wants to do. If you can’t resolve it on your own, might be worth talking to a couples counsellor.

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