My boyfriend is fragile but some things need to be discussed

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 4
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@southernbelle381:  If this is an ongoing fight, I can see why he jumped to the conclusion that you are pissed with him. Have a calm discussion about it, maybe consider video calling through google rather than skype… I hate skype so i wouldn’t use it either… My dh isn’t great at messaging either mostly because he prefers talking in person so try arrange get togethers for long weekends maybe.. I know it sounds silly but some people just don’t like technological communication. My dh for one used to like it but has he has gotten older over the last 5 years he has begun to like it less and less

Post # 5
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think losing a job in incredibly difficult to go through, but I also think it depends on how much you’ve talked about it. 

Have you said to him, “It is important for me to get more communication out of this relationship.  I know you’re going through a difficult time, but in order for me to be happy I need real conversation.  I believe we should skype/ talk on the phone three nights a week.  It is really important to me,”

I know you said you’ve mentioned it, but maybe setting up a specific guideline is important so he knows exactly what you expect and what you need.

Remind him that your needs are just as important as his.

If he doesn’t respect you enough to call you when you’ve asked him to, that’s a bad sign.

You should also see if there is anything you could do to make his unemployment a little easier so he knows you are concerned about his needs too. 

Post # 6
Member
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Even after a 2 years of dating I still HATED talking on the phone to FI.  I could text, msn (back when ppl still did that lol) and even msn with webcams but actually talking – like skype or on the phone I just couldn’t do.  It takes me a seriously long time to be comfortable just carrying on a conversation on the phone… Now, we’ve been together so long that it’s not weird.  But there’s very few people I’m comfortable just chatting on the phone with. 

So as PP said, maybe he just isn’t big on that type of communication?

Otherwise, I’d start my conversation by saying something like “I’m not saying this to start an argument, I just want to rationally explain to you how I feel, and I want you to tell me why it bothers you or why you aren’t comfortable with do this?  I’m not angry or blaming you for anything, but can we talk about the issues we’re dealing with right now?” in a really calm way

Post # 8
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@southernbelle381:  I’ve been (and still am) the more fragile one in our relationship, and I know how troublesome I can be sometimes, even though I don’t mean to be!

But ultimately my FI has had to talk to me about stuff, whether or not it might upset me. You can’t walk around on eggshells and expect a relationship to work, at least not an honest and open relationship.

Yes, it has hurt in the past. Yes, I have (briefly) resented him for it. But overall he has helped make me a stronger person, and we are stronger together for it. I feel now like we could get through anything together. But it wasn’t easy, that’s for sure!

Also, my partner encouraged me to see a therapist to help work through my own personal feelings that were affecting our relationship. Is this something he would consider? If he feels there is a stigma attached, perhaps you could offer to go with him.

People like me and him are certainly not easy to deal with, but with love and support I got through it and feel so much better in myself, and owe my FI the joy in my life for that. I hope that your SO is receptive and that you can help him in a similar way x

Post # 9
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@southernbelle381:  If you are going to marry this guy you have to be able to communicate, whether you are both sensitive or not.  You will just have to work on it so you find a way to bring things up that won’t be upsetting.  Maybe couple’s therapy?  But, if you don’t communicate I don’t see how any of these issues can be fixed.

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