Post # 1
A few weeks before my BF got fired, I brought up how I wished he would call me more. I only saw him every weekend and I felt like I needed more than just texting. Though he has moved 2 hours away from me now, I am quite upset that he hasn’t bothered to skype/call me. I would love to see his face and its importantt that I feel like I am there with him especially since I can physically not be.
Today I was upset at a fellow classmate. I sent him a text saying I was pissed and before I knew it, he was going off about how he’s sorry but that he doesn’t want to get in a fight and I am the only thing holding him together. I DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT HIM!! It just seems like he is going to use his unemployment as a shield now. He did that once before when football season ended. He wouldn’t let me talk about a big issue we had (lack of communication) because he was just so bummed football season was done. I know that losing your job is a big loss and a big blow to the ego. I just want to be there for him but he doesn’t want to talk on the phone or have any intimate conversations just as a distraction even. It is hard.
I know it is too soon to pounce but I really want to know what to do if someone makes a big mistake yet is going through a tender time? Do they get a pass? This is an ongoing issue and I feel like a broken record. He has never in the 1.5 years of dating, traveling bothered to even get my skype account. And it’s important to me. Knowing he used to skype all the time with a random girl he met through a chat room before me really makes it worse.
Post # 4
@southernbelle381: If this is an ongoing fight, I can see why he jumped to the conclusion that you are pissed with him. Have a calm discussion about it, maybe consider video calling through google rather than skype… I hate skype so i wouldn’t use it either… My dh isn’t great at messaging either mostly because he prefers talking in person so try arrange get togethers for long weekends maybe.. I know it sounds silly but some people just don’t like technological communication. My dh for one used to like it but has he has gotten older over the last 5 years he has begun to like it less and less
Post # 5
I think losing a job in incredibly difficult to go through, but I also think it depends on how much you’ve talked about it.
Have you said to him, “It is important for me to get more communication out of this relationship. I know you’re going through a difficult time, but in order for me to be happy I need real conversation. I believe we should skype/ talk on the phone three nights a week. It is really important to me,”
I know you said you’ve mentioned it, but maybe setting up a specific guideline is important so he knows exactly what you expect and what you need.
Remind him that your needs are just as important as his.
If he doesn’t respect you enough to call you when you’ve asked him to, that’s a bad sign.
You should also see if there is anything you could do to make his unemployment a little easier so he knows you are concerned about his needs too.
Post # 6
Even after a 2 years of dating I still HATED talking on the phone to FI. I could text, msn (back when ppl still did that lol) and even msn with webcams but actually talking – like skype or on the phone I just couldn’t do. It takes me a seriously long time to be comfortable just carrying on a conversation on the phone… Now, we’ve been together so long that it’s not weird. But there’s very few people I’m comfortable just chatting on the phone with.
So as PP said, maybe he just isn’t big on that type of communication?
Otherwise, I’d start my conversation by saying something like “I’m not saying this to start an argument, I just want to rationally explain to you how I feel, and I want you to tell me why it bothers you or why you aren’t comfortable with do this? I’m not angry or blaming you for anything, but can we talk about the issues we’re dealing with right now?” in a really calm way
Post # 7
@almostwebbee: I want to talk about it with him because I know his personality. He has “self-loathed” for a few days and has said himself that he is ready to move on. Would love to talk on the phone with him then and help him do so since he indicated he is ready! Very frustrating! I am also blindly being led into the future without us actually talking about it. Is our engagement for the summer on/off? I just wish he would realize these questions are going to enter my mind. I am too sensitive to blatantly ask.
Post # 8
@southernbelle381: I’ve been (and still am) the more fragile one in our relationship, and I know how troublesome I can be sometimes, even though I don’t mean to be!
But ultimately my FI has had to talk to me about stuff, whether or not it might upset me. You can’t walk around on eggshells and expect a relationship to work, at least not an honest and open relationship.
Yes, it has hurt in the past. Yes, I have (briefly) resented him for it. But overall he has helped make me a stronger person, and we are stronger together for it. I feel now like we could get through anything together. But it wasn’t easy, that’s for sure!
Also, my partner encouraged me to see a therapist to help work through my own personal feelings that were affecting our relationship. Is this something he would consider? If he feels there is a stigma attached, perhaps you could offer to go with him.
People like me and him are certainly not easy to deal with, but with love and support I got through it and feel so much better in myself, and owe my FI the joy in my life for that. I hope that your SO is receptive and that you can help him in a similar way x
Post # 9
@southernbelle381: If you are going to marry this guy you have to be able to communicate, whether you are both sensitive or not. You will just have to work on it so you find a way to bring things up that won’t be upsetting. Maybe couple’s therapy? But, if you don’t communicate I don’t see how any of these issues can be fixed.