My boyfriend keeps asking why I want to marry him!?!??

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

I think he’s trying to convince you that you don’t need to get married because he doesn’t want to or isn’t ready. I may be way off base but that’s the vibe I’m getting.

Post # 4
Member
439 posts
Helper bee

There are no magic words that will make him understand you or value the idea of getting married if he doesn’t.

If you value marriage, and he has no interest in it, it’s best to know that now rather than later. 🙁

Post # 5
Member
4901 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

It sounds like he’s trying to make a case for leaving things as they are.  I’m sorry.

Post # 6
Member
592 posts
Busy bee

If someone doesn’t want to get married you can’t say anything to change their minds. 

Post # 7
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee

@bmwatson87:  Hey Brandi, I kinda agree with the other posters. I don’t think it means he doesn’t ever want to get married, but I do think it means he doesn’t want to get married right now/isn’t ready. 

Some of the best advice I receieved once was that boys count time differently than we do, and they underestimate the time it takes to find the right ring, plan his idea of a great proposal, plan the wedding, the honeymoon, etc. and all that on top of family planning too.

I’m 22, SO almost 23. I’ve always wanted to be married by 25. That gives me about a year and a half to get engaged on my ideal timeline, because I’d like a slightly longer engagement, with more time to plan. Meanwhile he once told me that he thought it would be easy to plan a wedding in 6 months. It’s just something he doesn’t understand because he doesn’t think about it as often as I do. 😛

The best advice I can give you is to stay strong, and ask him if he wants to get married eventually, or never. That’s the only way you’ll know for sure.

Post # 8
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@bmwatson87:  well, my reason is I wanted to start the next chapter. It is important to us to be married before buying a house together and raising a family. We know we wanted to be together but marriage is a commitment that we both wanted for our future. If he thinks it can be the same without getting married then you should probably discuss the future more in depth to see if he is for real or just avoiding commitment.

Post # 9
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m a little confused because your previous post a couple months ago was how you had picked out a wedding dress and were looking for advice on bridesmaids’ dresses. And you have an August date for this year listed as your wedding date. Are you guys engaged? If you’re planning all of this and he isn’t even ready for marriage yet, you guys eed to have a serious talk because you both seem to be on very different pages about the future. 

Post # 10
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think he’s asking because he’s trying to convince you that marriage is not necessary–If you want marriage, I don’t think you’re going to get it from him…

Post # 11
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

I have a coworker who relayed a similar conversation to me he had with his girlfriend.  I won’t bore you with the details, but he said he asked her this because he didn’t believe “she wanted to marry him, just that she wanted to get married.” It didn’t matter what she said or did, he was convined she (and most other woman) just want marriage for reasons more related to societal norms and showing off for their friends/family than for reasons related to the man. 

Anyway, he is rather interesting and extremely intelligent but he will not marry his current girlfreind (well ex they have broken up by now) or any other woman. His reasons are not related to the woman at all, he simply does not see a reason to wed and does not view marriage as somethng he wishes to do.

Sorry, I don’t think there are words you can use to convince him.  Are you content with your relationship status as is?

Post # 13
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@bmwatson87:  Sounds like you’re boyfriend is happy to play house. He gets all the warm fuzzies and bennies of having a wife with none of the responsibilities or commitment.

If you live together, move out.  Whatever you do, don’t combine your finances, buy anything together or reproduce with a man that doesn’t love, honor or respect you enough to marry you. 

Post # 14
Member
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I agree with what others have said. I would sit down with him and have a talk about if he even wants to get  married. If he says he does, then I would ask for an approximate timeline when he thinks he would be ready. Is there a reason he doesn’t want to get married? I would ask, since he needs to know why you want to, I would want to know why he doesn’t want to.But I agree with others, he sounds like he’s trying to convince you that you don’t need to be married. I am in the same boat in some ways, though he says he wants to get married, but we can’t right now due to financial stuff. Problem is, due to our health issues, or financial situation will never be what it was. So i always wonder how long that will be an excuse.

Post # 15
Member
3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@bmwatson87:   I get the distinct feeling *he* does not want to marry *you*  – perhaps right now, maybe ever.     A frank, calm discussion may be in order.  *hugs* to you, you deserve the very best, don’t ever think you don’t.  🙂

Post # 16
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

@bmwatson87:  I’m glad you’re going to go after what you want instead of staying with this guy who doesn’t want the same thing. If only more ladies did that. 

There are lots of men out there who want marriage, and I’m positive you’ll find the right one for you. Good luck! 

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