My boyfriend never offers to pay

posted 6 days ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1720 posts
Bumble bee

A 27 year old is asking you for $6 to pay for your own Subway sandwich?  Girl.  How have you lasted 7 months!?

I would break up with him and tell him exactly why.  Either he can barely cover his own expenses or he’s a cheap-ass, which you don’t want to marry into.  

Post # 3
Member
2332 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

This wouldn’t fly with me. I had no problem paying for dinner or groceries occasionally when my husband and I were dating, but I couldn’t stand feeling like a roommate or friend in what should be a giving relationship (from both sides). That’s a deal breaker for me. 

Post # 4
Member
2852 posts
Sugar bee

Oh, lordy no. He sounds like one of those people who will never just split the bill because so-and-so ordered an appetizer and he didn’t and someone else had three drinks instead of two. Life is too short for this. 

Post # 5
Member
589 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

That dynamic might work for some people, but it wouldn’t work for me. My issue with it wouldn’t be attached to the money, and it seems like that is also where you are coming from. It would be about a matter of seeing someone without a generous spirit, who was so concerned with either their money, or making sure everything was even. I am always attempting to be giving to my partner, and likewise. 

Though before you write him off, perhaps you should talk to him. Is he this stingy or controlling in other aspects? There could be a reason he splits everything, like perhaps he thinks it is what you want. 

Post # 6
Member
3944 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 1997

I realize that a lot of people prefer to be financially independent and yada-yada. But this would be a deal-breaker for me. It isn’t about the man paying for me; it is about being a partnership. When DH and I were dating, neither of us had any money, but we never split hairs about the bills. If he had more recently been paid, he would pay, and likewise for me. Indeed, I once helped him pay his rent with birthday money I was given. But the sense of us being in things together was what mattered to me, not nickel and diming each other to death because neither of us had much money.

Post # 7
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

while I think it’s nice for modern couples to split expenses somewhat evenly (don’t believe in the “men should always pay on dates” rule) what you’ve described would still feel offputting for me. It’s much more pleasant to kind of casually alternate paying for eachother or getting the groceries. Of course, things might not end up exactly evenly split that way, and I could see wanting to keep track more precisely if finances were super tight for one of you. What’s his financial situation? It just seems kind of petty to ask for the 6$ for lunch, especially if you would potentially pick up the bill next time for something

Post # 9
Member
260 posts
Helper bee

Asking you to reimburse him 6.00 for subway??? That would never in a million years fly with me. 

Post # 11
Member
694 posts
Busy bee

I went out with a cheap guy once – I dumped him for several reasons, but his miserly ways REALLY bugged me. I don’t need someone lavishing gifts and expensive dinners etc. on me, but when the waiter brings the check and he does everything possible to show me how much the dinner is… um, no. He would actually maneuver the check around, pretending like he was examining it, to make sure I could see how much it was. AND IT WASN”T THAT MUCH!!! Like a $50 dinner, which was totally affordable for either of us. Yet when I would try to pay, he would make a big production about saying no. WTF, then stop trying to show me what you’re paying for dinner!!!

Once he bought me roses, and when I thanked him, he said “Yes, those must have been REALLY nice roses… REALLY nice.” Implying how expensive they were. I’m sure he needed therapy when I broke up with him about 3 months after he bought me a diamond necklace…. lol.  (It was a lovely but modest diamond – had it been a honker I would have returned it to him.)

Anyway, I could not deal with a life partner who was cheap OR a spendthrift. Either end of the spectrum is not acceptable to me.

 

Post # 12
Member
694 posts
Busy bee

janerodriguez :  I just saw your latest post. PLEASE take his advice. Go home, and NEVER go back. This guy is not only cheap, he is an asshole. Don’t waste your time.

Post # 14
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2007

Uh, no. Like he said… go home!  You don’t need this loser in your life at all. WTF?

Post # 15
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Does he not have money to pay for you? He shouldn’t be obligated to pay every time but yeah that’s a little ridiculous. 

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