Post # 1
Me and my boyfriend are 7 months together now, I’m 22 and still a student, he is 27. We always split the bill. He never offered to pay anything except on my birthday when we went out to eat, I always go to his place the whole weekend and he usually doesnt have much food at home so when we go to the supermarket together at saturday for example, he pays for his food and I need to pay for my own food that I’m going to eat at his house that weekend, so we never check out together at the supermarket. I don’t mind paying my part of the bill but I think the paying for my own food that I’m going to eat at his place is a little bit crazy right? A month ago we went to subway and he payed and when we got home he said ‘you can lay your money on the table from your part’ when it was like only $6 or something for my food. Later that day we went out for a drink and he ordered his drink and said that I could pay this (instead of the money for the subway sandwich). I really like him but I’ve been having doubts since this happened and I don’t think that he sees a problem in this because I’ve been paying for my own food at his house from the beginning. What should I do?
Post # 2
A 27 year old is asking you for $6 to pay for your own Subway sandwich? Girl. How have you lasted 7 months!?
I would break up with him and tell him exactly why. Either he can barely cover his own expenses or he’s a cheap-ass, which you don’t want to marry into.
Post # 3
This wouldn’t fly with me. I had no problem paying for dinner or groceries occasionally when my husband and I were dating, but I couldn’t stand feeling like a roommate or friend in what should be a giving relationship (from both sides). That’s a deal breaker for me.
Post # 4
Oh, lordy no. He sounds like one of those people who will never just split the bill because so-and-so ordered an appetizer and he didn’t and someone else had three drinks instead of two. Life is too short for this.
Post # 5
That dynamic might work for some people, but it wouldn’t work for me. My issue with it wouldn’t be attached to the money, and it seems like that is also where you are coming from. It would be about a matter of seeing someone without a generous spirit, who was so concerned with either their money, or making sure everything was even. I am always attempting to be giving to my partner, and likewise.
Though before you write him off, perhaps you should talk to him. Is he this stingy or controlling in other aspects? There could be a reason he splits everything, like perhaps he thinks it is what you want.
Post # 6
I realize that a lot of people prefer to be financially independent and yada-yada. But this would be a deal-breaker for me. It isn’t about the man paying for me; it is about being a partnership. When DH and I were dating, neither of us had any money, but we never split hairs about the bills. If he had more recently been paid, he would pay, and likewise for me. Indeed, I once helped him pay his rent with birthday money I was given. But the sense of us being in things together was what mattered to me, not nickel and diming each other to death because neither of us had much money.
Post # 7
while I think it’s nice for modern couples to split expenses somewhat evenly (don’t believe in the “men should always pay on dates” rule) what you’ve described would still feel offputting for me. It’s much more pleasant to kind of casually alternate paying for eachother or getting the groceries. Of course, things might not end up exactly evenly split that way, and I could see wanting to keep track more precisely if finances were super tight for one of you. What’s his financial situation? It just seems kind of petty to ask for the 6$ for lunch, especially if you would potentially pick up the bill next time for something
Post # 8
SaraJeanQ : I just don’t want to sound like someone who is after his money, he also wants to go on vacation and then he says ‘you should start saving money’ but I can’t spend all my money that I earn from my student job on a vacation, so he will go with friends or alone. I don’t want him to pay for my vacation but it’s just the things he says ‘you should start saving’ is always reminding me about that money thing. I don’t even know how to bring it up without sounding like a golddigger.
Post # 9
Asking you to reimburse him 6.00 for subway??? That would never in a million years fly with me.
Post # 10
honeybadgered : When we have an argument he is very mean (in my opinion) saying things like ‘if you don’t like it then go home’ and I’m afraid that is what his answer will be when I bring this up.
Post # 11
I went out with a cheap guy once – I dumped him for several reasons, but his miserly ways REALLY bugged me. I don’t need someone lavishing gifts and expensive dinners etc. on me, but when the waiter brings the check and he does everything possible to show me how much the dinner is… um, no. He would actually maneuver the check around, pretending like he was examining it, to make sure I could see how much it was. AND IT WASN”T THAT MUCH!!! Like a $50 dinner, which was totally affordable for either of us. Yet when I would try to pay, he would make a big production about saying no. WTF, then stop trying to show me what you’re paying for dinner!!!
Once he bought me roses, and when I thanked him, he said “Yes, those must have been REALLY nice roses… REALLY nice.” Implying how expensive they were. I’m sure he needed therapy when I broke up with him about 3 months after he bought me a diamond necklace…. lol. (It was a lovely but modest diamond – had it been a honker I would have returned it to him.)
Anyway, I could not deal with a life partner who was cheap OR a spendthrift. Either end of the spectrum is not acceptable to me.
Post # 12
janerodriguez : I just saw your latest post. PLEASE take his advice. Go home, and NEVER go back. This guy is not only cheap, he is an asshole. Don’t waste your time.
Post # 13
janerodriguez : What’s good about this guy?
Post # 14
Uh, no. Like he said… go home! You don’t need this loser in your life at all. WTF?
Post # 15
Does he not have money to pay for you? He shouldn’t be obligated to pay every time but yeah that’s a little ridiculous.