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You absolutely have the right to be upset because it really sucks all the way around. But your ladies' lives seem to be falling apart and you're going to have a wonderful day regardless with the man you love -- I think being pissed may be a bit much.
The $$ thing is a different issue. Is there any way you can take a bit of your reserve miscellaneous fund and help defray the costs for your MOH? I wonder if a $100 would make the difference?
@iRun2004: I already bought her dress which was $185... Like I said, I understand their reasoning I'm just upset that it had to be... NOW... all within a week and 7 weeks before the wedding... When A said she couldn't do it I was fine with being off kilter 7/8. But now it's 6/8 and she's had 13 months to save...
Tickets from Alaska are $450 round trip?? I'd think it'd be that price one-way.
Wow, this really is hard. I'd be bawling, I think. At the same time, I do think that your BMs have legitimate (maybe not "good") reasons for not going--lost job and pregnancy, depressed husband, and going through a divorce (well, BM A could probably suck it up for the ceremony, but might not attend the reception). I think that it would make you feel better if you called them up and asked point blank, "in or out?" Don't make them feel bad, but I think that once you know things for sure, you can start to plan around things.
It's very easy to feel abandoned, but it doesn't appear to be about you or some sort of personal plot against you--it's just kind of a bad time. I know that it's difficult, but focus on being a good friend. At the end of the day, your wedding is not as important as their friendships and I'm sure they would appreciate you helping them through tough times and being the sort of bride who is gracious and understanding.
Ok. Yeah, I'm with you then - you already helped out a fair amount and I'm sure you were upfront about costs. And why didn't she make plane reservations earlier when they might have been cheaper?
Well, bridesmaid A said point blank "I just have to purge myself of his circle and unfortunately... well.. y'all are part of that circle."
Now granted, I did know her husband a whopping 4 months before I met her... but she was also my housemate for 18 months! So, I barely know him compared to her, so for her to say that she just can't even really be around me because I came from "his" circle... well.. ya, that hurts. :-(
So, I mean, I totally understand their reasons... and those reasons are much larger (in most part) than my wedding.... it just sucks.
If you've never established close friendships, how did you settle on 8 bridesmaids? I'm asking honestly, not to be a jerk. Even though their reasons are legit, I totally understand your disappointment.
Take a breath. It doesn't really matter if you have more groomsmen than bridesmaids. You will still have a lovely wedding. Things happen. Focus on the positives and the things you can control. (((Hugs))))
I'm sorry this is happening. Can you have some of the GM's and BM's double up?
I feel your pain. I have one bridesmaid from Alaska (my brothers wife) who couldn't afford to come. BTW $450 for a plane ticket from Alaska to Virginia is kind of unheard of. That must be one way (coming from someone who has flown the Alaska <--> East Coast route a _lot_).
Meanwhile, when the same predicament struck for me, FH offered to make two of his groomsmen ushers. Perhaps you could suggest the same to your fiance?
@ejoyb: Mine's 10/30 so these rates may work for your wedding as well.
@Chillmer: 2 (1 of which is bridesmaid A) are the only "local" girls I've established a close relationship with. 3 are college sisters from my induction class whom I have close bonds with. 2 are my closest (living :-( ) friends from HS and 1 was my college roommate. I grew up a tomboy in a neighborhood full of boys with only one other girl. I just relate easier to guys... all my bridesmaids are "legit" friends but I'm not usually surrounded by girls...
So, it's probably making it harder on me to have basically heard from someone I did consider a close "girlfriend" that I'm being purged from her life...
On the bright side, everyone LOVES your wedding dress:)
But the BM thing does suck. Honestly, I think they are being a little insensitive. MOH--did you ask her yesterday? Why did she say yes if $$$ was going to be an issue. BM A--honestly, you may be better without BOTH of them in the wedding. It would certainly be awkward and put a damper on your day. If nobody wants to ask him to bow out, just be lopsided. BM B--again, I sympathize with her devastation but if it were me, I would just suck it up for your sake. Sometimes putting your personal issues aside for someone's happiness helps a lot. However, you can't really suggest that to her...
As for helping people financially, you can only do so much. Part of agreeing to be in the wedding is the financial committment. This has become a huge part of our budget. You just have to decide when it's worth it and when to call it a day.
I am really sorry for all the trouble you are having. I have been very lucky that most of my wedding party is loving and supportive, regardless of what is going on in their personal lives.
Update: Spoke with my MOH. It sounds to me like it's not just money, but she's freezing up about traveling from Alaska to VA... Mentally. :-( She is not coming.
Spoke with my other local girl and she spoke with Bridesmaid A yesterday... so the two of us and her parents are the only ones that know about the moving out and potential divorce. She pretty much told my other friend "I don't think we can be friends anymore" as well.
We spoke about it with each other and we're both in agreement that we don't get it. Their problems aren't "big" problems. All marriages go through rough spots, and granted it's only been a year, but she works ALL the time and he has work and Masters classes as well as his own "hobbies." Well, if you never see each other of course you may not feel passionate sparks anymore. She's basically said, "I love him I'm just not IN love with him." So, divorce? No counseling? No... what do we need to do to reconnect? Just... OK... bye, I'm dumping you and anyone you know... including my old housemate/friend who is getting married in 6 weeks. Awesome.
Wow...just WOW. Sounds like you have some pretty inconsiderate friends. Understandably, Bridesmaid A is going through a rough time. But to literally cut 2 friends out of her life? Sounds like she's got some issues! You would be better off without her.
As for your MOH - very rude on her part to just decide now that she's not coming.
Just go with the 6 that are left and it's ok that you're lopsided. I'd rather have real friends stand by me than 2 other chicks that think only of themselves!
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Yup. At the seams.
MOH - coming from Alaska and I just got word that she doesn't think she can afford to fly out here.
Bridesmaid A: Married to a groomsmen. Apparently, on the weekend of their 1 yr anniversary she moved out and thinks divorce it is. She doesn't think she can emotionally handle being around our mutual friends.
Bridesmaid B: Also on verge of divorce. Her husband hasn't been home in a few days and she's devastated. She's been trying to hard to reach through to him and he just won't do anything. (He's going through some depression issues and won't return any friends calls or anything). They've been together 10 years.
Bridesmaid c: Pregnant with her 4th child and her husband (sole breadwinner) just lost his job. As it stands now, she's the only one coming but is still planning on making it out.
FI's 8 groomsmen are all local and everything is still solid and good to go. Only 2 of my BM's were local and one is "A" who doesn't want to come to our wedding anymore. Doesn't help that our reception is at the same venue they used a year ago.
So, 47 days until the wedding, it looks like I'm down to 6 bridesmaids to FI's 8 and no MOH.
I'm just waiting for more to drop out on me :-( I've never established close relationships with girls as it is and choosing was really hard on me. And on top of that, the 2 dropping this week... were 2 of the top 3 on my list :-(
Dresses have been ordered and are about to come in... am I so wrong for being mad about this? I mean, I get Bridesmaid A's reasoning but I'm still pissed that this all had to finally fall apart NOW. Also, tickets from Alaska are like $450. So expensive, but not super duper expensive...
Sorry, I just need to vent because I feel kinda down and slightly "not worth it" right now...